This forum is a place for people to share their experience, advice, and concerns re: adult stepchildren with disabilities. As if being a stepparent wasn't hard enough!
My name is Crystal. Would like opinions on this matter. I married a widower (he having been married for 44 years) have know him his daughter and his late wife over 20 years.
He asked me to marry him, with still his wedding band on, shopped for engagement ring on, engagement dinner with wedding ring on. Twenty days before the wedding come to stay with him and his daughter....with wedding band on, family photos of wife hanging everywhere. I speculated, but never said anything twenty days before our wedding.
The daughter is now in her late 30's. She was born with complications; she was born deaf and is hard if hearing. She had the cochlear and hears much better. She is blind as well, an can see enough to text, cook, do laundry and take very good care of herself. She was also born with hydroencephlitis, meaning there are cognitive issues. She went to the Helen Keller school for the blind for over two years. She can moderately communicate with others pretty well, she can read and write, with not the full cognitive understanding. I worked with many agencies to get her a job, refresh cooking skills, etc.. She works M-F , three hours each day. She know how to do many thing, which include misrepresent the truth. She had good parents who protected here well, but also set her up for future failure. She wants to live independently. She has no confidence to do much more than work those days and hours,, drink coffee and text. She is disrespectful to her father, has kicked him, tells him to shut up and waves her hand, as to say, to heck with you, or what ever that ma mean to her. She is demanding of his time and needs to be entertained by him most times. All this is ok with him while it is eating me alive. He defends anything she does with lame excuses. The entire family, including grandmother are overly enabling.. Never exerts discipline/teaching, I believe she think these thing are ok. It's difficult for me to accept, that this is not her fault totally. This is how she was raised. I am truly thinking about divorce. I know God will bring kudgement on me if I do. He won't go to family council unless, it's a man, not liberal, must be a christian and never divorced. So I am seeking council for my self. This puts a hugh strain on our marriage.
During this COVID-19 period of time, I take is serious, but do not live in fear. I have no need to go to restaurants or be around any group of people, part of my personality. My step daughter is 37, but hasn't taken this pandemic serious. Not knowing who she has been around, encourages me to wear my mask even in the home. My husband, my protector, my "lord", my "master" does not see the harm situations like this created. He is the number one enabler in my opinion. He can not ask her to say home or away from crowds because she is 37.
I have spent time with her three years ago, she came to visit me. He behavior to me, and with me was peer to peer. Just delightful. We did many thing together and enjoyed one another. When her dad and I were married, I saw a little girl, who ask questions to her father as a five year old. Questions like: Did I do something wrong? or want me to be quiet? do you love me? are you ignoring me? Those kind of questions worried me in the beginning of the marriage. I now narrow them down to manipulation. I would like to know your opinion, if possible.
I also sent this message to Able Keough, very insiteful.
Adult Step Daughter with Disabilities
My name is Crystal. Would like opinions on this matter. I married a widower (he having been married for 44 years) have know him his daughter and his late wife over 20 years.
He asked me to marry him, with still his wedding band on, shopped for engagement ring on, engagement dinner with wedding ring on. Twenty days before the wedding come to stay with him and his daughter....with wedding band on, family photos of wife hanging everywhere. I speculated, but never said anything twenty days before our wedding.
The daughter is now in her late 30's. She was born with complications; she was born deaf and is hard if hearing. She had the cochlear and hears much better. She is blind as well, an can see enough to text, cook, do laundry and take very good care of herself. She was also born with hydroencephlitis, meaning there are cognitive issues. She went to the Helen Keller school for the blind for over two years. She can moderately communicate with others pretty well, she can read and write, with not the full cognitive understanding. I worked with many agencies to get her a job, refresh cooking skills, etc.. She works M-F , three hours each day.
She know how to do many thing, which include misrepresent the truth. She had good parents who protected here well, but also set her up for future failure. She wants to live independently. She has no confidence to do much more than work those days and hours,, drink coffee and text. She is disrespectful to her father, has kicked him, tells him to shut up and waves her hand, as to say, to heck with you, or what ever that ma mean to her. She is demanding of his time and needs to be entertained by him most times. All this is ok with him while it is eating me alive. He defends anything she does with lame excuses. The entire family, including grandmother are overly enabling.. Never exerts discipline/teaching, I believe she think these thing are ok. It's difficult for me to accept, that this is not her fault totally. This is how she was raised. I am truly thinking about divorce. I know God will bring kudgement on me if I do. He won't go to family council unless, it's a man, not liberal, must be a christian and never divorced. So I am seeking council for my self. This puts a hugh strain on our marriage.
During this COVID-19 period of time, I take is serious, but do not live in fear. I have no need to go to restaurants or be around any group of people, part of my personality. My step daughter is 37, but hasn't taken this pandemic serious. Not knowing who she has been around, encourages me to wear my mask even in the home. My husband, my protector, my "lord", my "master" does not see the harm situations like this created. He is the number one enabler in my opinion. He can not ask her to say home or away from crowds because she is 37.
I have spent time with her three years ago, she came to visit me. He behavior to me, and with me was peer to peer. Just delightful. We did many thing together and enjoyed one another. When her dad and I were married, I saw a little girl, who ask questions to her father as a five year old. Questions like: Did I do something wrong? or want me to be quiet? do you love me? are you ignoring me? Those kind of questions worried me in the beginning of the marriage. I now narrow them down to manipulation. I would like to know your opinion, if possible.
I also sent this message to Able Keough, very insiteful.