Child support and parenting time do not have anything to do with each other. Parenting time can't be withheld because the other parent is in arrears.

If you have a problem with things as they are, go the proper route and go back to court and have orders changed.

If it is only as specific as 50 percent, then I would either drive 20 mins her direction and offer to meet her there at a specific time, then leave if she doesn't show, OR I would tell her to pick them up and agree to go get them at the end of visitation.

That's 50/50 in my book. Then she is forced to comply or not take her visitation and you are still within the conditions in the court order.

"When you take charge of your life, there is no longer need to ask permission of other people or society at large. When you ask permission, you give someone veto power over your life." ~Geoffrey F. Abert

It seems you don't want to do all the driving, but you also don't want to break the court order. Problem is, you likely don't want an unlicensed idiot driving your kids around either. I can tell you from experience, no matter how stupid or unfair the court orders are, you have to follow them. Persue trying to change them in the meantime, but do't break them. Judges (some) are very unbiased or try to be, and often don't care about fair or unfair, they only want their rulings followed. I was forced to let my 3 yr old see his father unsupervised even though I had proof he was using drugs in from of my son and teaching him about them. It took 4 years in court continuously, but the judge was always very determined to get me to do what she wanted (fair or not, right or not). be very careful when it comes to these matters and do everything by the book.

Be kinder than necessary to everyone! We all have our battles.

I don't know who moved, but in my case the BM decided to move to anther county (2hrs away) and we held roots here where the kids all grew up...so in her case-we make her do all the driving since it was her choice to split! She comes to her old house on the weekends to see the kids and lives with her husband far far away during the weekdays. i have only picked up the kids from her place far away once. It was in the summer and the oldest had it with her crap and asked me to pick him up 4 days early while she was at work.

that who's ever time it is should be the one to go and get them. For instance on our Wednesday night we got get SS and then take him to school but on our Friday night we got get SS and his BM should come get him at 6 on Sunday. However we cannot depend on her to respect our time so we do all the traveling and it is court ordered 50/50. I think we will use that when we got to mediation then court soon!

Often times the system does not work. My good friend has a deadbeat ex. She went to court to keep him from taking their daughter, unless he had a decent place of his own, or stayed with his parents. This was b/c he took their 7 year old to a different woman friend's house every couple months. The court agreed with my friend on that one. He also was terribly behind on CS and in arrears from the get go. One Fri afternoon my friend's daughter asked my friend to pack food for her to take over b/c "Daddy said he pays you to buy my food." She did it, just to make sure her daughter could have something to eat on the times he decided to take her. Then he started canceling, and trying to get the schools to give my friend a hard time. She would send her daughter's school work over for him to see, and he would keep it/toss it/never send it back. Then he would call the teacher claiming my friend didn't send anything, stuff like that. He hit on other moms at the school, and even a few teachers. SLIME.

Then...after a year or so of barely seeing his daughter, he remarried and moved several states away. Then he went back to court to force a new visitation plan- ONCE A MONTH weekend flying a 10 year old to see him. He worked for an airline part time so said his daughter could fly standby every month, and wouldn't chip in for a kid escort. Then he lost his job and got a new one somewhere else and said he could no longer fly his daughter. The court ordered my friend to fly or drive her to him. She drove her. Meanwhile he lost his benefits so the court waved them onto the SF's insurance, costing them a ton of money (my friend had her own benefits at the time for 80/pay, that were far better.) So they had to fork out several more hundred dollars a month for benefits originally ordered for the dad to pay.

He never pays his portion of the medical bills and is a TON behind on CS. Yet my friend has to drive her child 7 hours each way once a month, and most of school breaks. Meanwhile he pays nothing for transportation, and when her daughter gets there?

He and his new wife leave her with the W's 15 yo daughter while they go out to bars with friends. He works afternoons too, so he sleeps all morning, then leaves his daughter with his wife all day.

AND still the courts say this idiot deserves his visitation.

I think a major overhaul is long overdue with this system. This kid calls her mom sobbing daily when there, begging to come home. My friend is not encouraging that behavior. The idiot father is by not putting his daughter's needs first.

He's done other crap too. When she was 9 he took her to a salon to get her hair "striped" if you know what that means. NINE. And when my friend called him on it, he said she was HIS daughter and he wanted her to look better by getting her hair done like his wife's was.

My friend's daughter looks just like her. That's what he was trying to change.

Creep.

Anyway....

Sorry to babble. I think Cru and Rags have some good points about deadbeat parents needing to make an effort to be parents if they want to see their kids, and that includes paying for their transportation, food, clothing, while in their care. AND CS.

And Dany, I think your situation is different. PAS against a parent who is providing is totally different. Your SKIDS BM has no right to with hold visitation. Your SKIDS aren't unsafe in your and DH's care. And he is responsible and provides for them.

It's apples to oranges in my opinion. If someone is jumping through hoops to see their children, then they should not be denied. If someone feels entitled and isn't providing anything or contributing to their care? What else might they neglect while the kdis are with them?

"When you take charge of your life, there is no longer need to ask permission of other people or society at large. When you ask permission, you give someone veto power over your life." ~Geoffrey F. Abert

Has anyone read Divorce Poison by Dr. Richard Warshack? I just started it, but so far it's really good. We are dealing with PAS and I hope this book will help.
__________________________________________________________________
"All power is from within therefore under our control." - Robert Collier