What did you do the first time you realized you are hitting a brick wall?
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I'm not an idiot. I knew he had a kid coming into this. We've been together for 3 yrs.
He only sees me as the bad guy and she is an angel.
A 12 year old angel that responds with very little positivity to anything I do, but I'm still expected to 'try harder'.... Then he says- "its ok, you're not ready. I'm staying out of it."
I have disengaged now and told him, "SD12 has two parents. You and BM. I want to be her friend, but moving forward, I will not do, say or behave in a way to make you so defensive. I'm not her parent."
Thoughts? He doesn't see yet that he is irrationally defensive. Or am I not seeing how defensive one can be about bios? I have none.
I do have 2 bios, with wide
I do have 2 bios, with wide age differences. As far as hitting that "brick wall", I think that with BS1 needing at least ONE parent around for HIM in this madness, made me snap to. I no longer offer to help, nothing. I am way too busy with MY own kiddos. Screw them both. IF they wanted SS8 soooooo badly and DH was STUPID enough (or stoned) to place his thing in that. *ewwwwwwwww, It is his problem. I now see that BM will be a PITA to DH, for another decade, no less. IF I were a guy, there would have been no way in hell I would have ever screwed this gross creature. (or a lesbian)
BM wants 4 parents for SS8, BM/Sugarstepdad, DH/butterfly, while my kiddos have ME ONLY. Screw her. IF DH is too blind to see what is about to happen in his life, he can learn himself. I've caught BOTH, BM AND SS8 talking about DH and lying behind his back, manipulating the poor dude.
Yesterday I decided to fully concentrrate on my own life and told both of them that I was way too busy to help "them" out anymore.
I feel very free today, BTW.
I bought a bigger vehicle
I bought a bigger vehicle that would knock the wall down. }:) Figuratively of course.
If SS had a behavior problem I addressed it. If my DW did not like how I addressed it I made it clear to her that if she did not like how I was dealing with he or his behavior then she had better step up and get it taken care of before I had to.
If the SpermIdiot or the SpermClan became too big of a PITA I told them what to do and when to do it or be ready for court. If they forced my hand, I smacked them in court.
In your case I think the method I used with my wife is in order for you to use with your DH. If he does not like how you deal with HIS daughter's behavior then he had better put his hands between his legs, grab a handful of sack, man up and deal with her behavior before you have to. If he does not man up them tell him in no uncertain terms that you will not allow any child in your life and particularly in YOUR home to behave toward you with disrespect and he has a choice. Deal with her behavior or she does not visit him in your marrital home.
Video footage and audio footage of kid crap can be a big eye opener to the BPs of snarky little shit kids. Give that a try if your DH requires more affirmantive evidence other than his own eyes and ears on his daughter real time.
See, your story makes me
See, your story makes me wonder what type of relationship, down the road, in another 5 years that DH and SS8 will have together.
@ Mrs. Taylor
All I can say is dealing with
All I can say is dealing with bio kids is hard enough, dealing with skids is harder, dealing with skids without the knowledge of dealing with bio kids must be almost impossible.
That doesn't make much sense but it's what comes to mind when I read posts like you wrote. It just seems like a wall you can't get past.
My dh is defensive of ss15 as well and I am defensive of my kids. That's natural. But there comes times when dh says something to me about my kids and I am open to his suggestions b/c I do respect that he is a dad as well and gets kids too.
It might be that your bf thinks you don't get kids? I don't know, just throwing out ideas for you. I would practice 100% disengagement.
My god I love this
My god I love this forum...
I'm taking a little bit of all of you and applying.
I was so defeated today I think he had an 'ah ha' moment. Things are so half assed I find. He wants me to exercise my own judgement, but when I do and it's not he way HE would have done it- I'm the bad guy. Also- I'm more strict than he is, so I view him as passive and he sees me as too strict. I was brought up with ramrod manners- I still don't think I've ever said, "whaaaaattt??????" to my parents and I'm in my 40's.
So- I laid it out. He makes the rules- I uphold them, but I will not go out of my way- if I see her breaking a rule that does not affect me? meh... don't care. But I won't tolerate disrespect in my home.
He sent some parenting articles my way and I was very clear- "She has two parents and I'm not one of them, so a parenting article is not relevant."
I think what he has trouble with is that he loves this kid, but to me she is a kid I met 2'ish years ago that I don't mesh with. He says he sees how I'm cold with her when other kids- cousins etc... are around. Yeah dude- those kids interact and like me, we have fun. I don't have the luxury of biology to tie me to SD12. I can't love her just because... I wish I could.
Hmm, the day I realized I was
Hmm, the day I realized I was up against a brink wall....
Has to be the day SD hit SS so hard in the face that she broke his tooth in half..... And Dh refused to punish her. She gets away with murder on a daily basis and there's nothing I can do about it.