SD 17 years old, nightmare since 7
My SD is 17 years old with no ambition. She has no job, no drivers license or any kind of hygiene. My husband babies her and it drives me nuts. He doesn't parent her and never has. He is more worried about being her friend. She acts and dresses sexually around him and it seriously makes me so sick to my stomach and my husband says I'm crazy but she has serious daddy issues. This is the last summer he has her week on week off and I can't wait for September to get here. Someone please help me I'm so close to being done with her coming here as much. She has trashed her room horribly the whole time I've been with her dad, I want to turn it into a beautiful guest room once she's 18, what do I do when she turns 18 since she doesn't live with us and that she doesn't take care of her pigsty. I want to completely remodel from floors to redoing walls. Do we have to provide a room for her once she is 18 since she lives with bio mom full time?
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If your husband babies her,
If your husband babies her, acts like her friend more than acting like her father, and tells you you're crazy, it is unlikely he wil be onboard with you doing anything with her room. Unfortunately, he is the primary problem, especially in having let this behavior go on for 10 years+. You might have to go the subversive manipulative route with this one--make her 18+ visits uncomfortable and put mice in her room. lol.
Unfortunately there is
Unfortunately there is probably a disconnect between what you want and what will happen.
Based on your description.. I see zero chance your SO will allow you to cut SD off from your home and take over her room.
What I would suggest is that you need to communicate with your partner... you can't have all these secret plans and dreams.. you will be sorely mistaken if you think you can do what you want without their buy in.
So.. ask him about it.. what are the plans.. what does he think about redoing the room..
Whether you are legally obligated to have to provide her a room is a different question to whether your Partner will want to provide her with a room. if he wants to keep her room for her.. then you are probably fighting a losing battle.. and you can consider if your relationship with him is worth the compromise.
This is the
part that concerns me:
"She acts and dresses sexually around him"
This isn't normal. What is your DH's reaction to this behavior? How does he respond?
He is super uncomfortable
He is super uncomfortable with it and has finally opened up to me that her behavior is not normal and she has some serious "daddy issues" he gets embarrassed about it because he knows I'm right and he doesn't know how to handle the situation. When she is here she acts like she is the one married to him. And he is finally starting to put his foot down with her but then she goes and pouts and cries that "Daddy loves his wife more than me" card and she's 17 years old!!!!