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Question for bio dads

Tired_step_mom's picture

Submitted by Tired_step_mom on Sat, 02/27/2021 - 12:00pm

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Step/Bio Father's Den

If you have never been a step parent do you have any idea what it feels like? 

I feel like my SO doesnt understand what i go through as a step parent. 

It feels like to him me needing a break from his kids is me.being selfish. But he has no idea what it feels like to know in your own house you are the less needed or loved thing. I get it they will love their BD more than me ans he will love them more than me but it doesnt mean its easy knowing that. 

I just want to know if any BD out there understand this or if it has ever crossed their mind?

ndc's picture

Submitted by ndc on Sat, 02/27/2021 - 12:44pm

I don't think that anyone who hasn't been a stepparent understands how it feels. But I also don't think that someone who is a stepparent but has a decent step experience can fully understand how it feels to deal with a mini-wife or a HCBM or a total Disney Dad.  

However, just because a bio parent doesn't understand exactly how it feels to be a stepparent doesn't mean they can't take what the stepparent tells them at face value and accept it.  My DH has never been a stepparent, but he's told me "I wish you could look at skids the way you look at DD, but I know you can't."  He doesn't know how it feels, but he accepts the reality of it.

hereiam's picture

Submitted by hereiam on Sat, 02/27/2021 - 1:25pm

My DH was a step parent before he and I got together. He loved those kids like his own (he is a very nurturing person and can truly love unconditionally), so I think he did wish that I would feel that way about his daughter (she was 5 when we got together, she is now, 29).

He did understand, though, and never gave me a hard time about it, and he completely took care of all of his daughter's needs. Not to say I didn't do things for her, but he never just expected it.

I also never wanted kids, so he knew I wasn't a kid person.