You mean, has anyone experienced crappy parenting and overcome crappy parenting? It's only possible if the parent in question is willing, sounds like your partner has his mind made up that he's doing okay. Which, he is not.

He needs to deal with his kid's fear and teach him coping mechanisms, not cater to him and let him do whatever he wants.

My SD was afraid of the dark when she was young, wanted us to leave all of the lights on. There was no way that I was doing that and my DH agreed. We taught her that there wasn't any reason to be afraid of the dark. But, my DH was a parent, not SD's best friend. Don't get me wrong, they had plenty of fun together and he can be a big kid, but he knew when to be her parent.

Does him allowing his son to do this affect your directly? If not - let him parent as he sees fit. I don't agree with it, personally, but he's right - it's his decision to make.  I'd draw the line in areas that it does affect you directly.

But - you said "for the sake of your sanity", so maybe in some way this does affect you?

Obviously, your partner is playing the long game. He wants his son, when he is old enough to express a preference in court, to say he wants to live with Dad. What teen boy wouldn't want to live in the house where he can stay up all night and play video games?

So if you think it's bad now, just wait. It can get worse.

So? He's going to buy a new house and everyone has to pack up and move because SS is scared of the dark?

LMAO. Very sound reasoning. 

He not letting you express or give any input into his parenting.  If he lets his kid control where he sleeps and Ed time.  What next.  That not parenting.  You are in for a long dark road. Where you are second to SS

What's with these kids and their weird phobias? My exes daughter was afraid of sinks and toilets with automatic on and off switches. She refused to go to the bathroom in a restroom that didn't have a manual glider/faucet or else she would throw a tantrum and cry for 20 minutes. When we were on vacation/on the road my ex would allow his daughter to decide wether or not she wanted to use a restroom and where. It was just crazy. It would add hours and stress to our day  needlessly. Catering to these kids and their weird phobias is not the answer. 

Just wait until he figures out he can fabricate phony phobias to make the adults dance.  Then the fun really begins.

Non stop drama for yearrrrrrs.

Perhaps you should talk to your partner about the difference between common space vs private space in a home.

The living room is common space. What if someone else wants to use the living room when SS is sleeping in there. What if guests arrive and your SS is sleeping in the living room. It's supposed to be a space that all can use, not a space that one person claims as their own. If you have a room that SS can use as a bedroom (private space), then he should use it. If he is afraid maybe your partner can sleep in there with him the first few nights to show him everything is okay and then he'll be fine. An 8 year old is old enough to work through their fears in a supported way.

I have no issue with a bio parent saying that he will parent as he chooses and doesn't require input from his partner, provided that the bio parent's parenting/skid's behavior doesn't adversely affect the partner. In this case, having a child in the common area making noise and monopolizing the tv DOES affect others. Having to move to accommodate skid's irrational fears affects others.  I suspect there are other behaviors that affect others too.

Of course, the corollary of "sole say in parenting" is that the bio parent has sole responsibility in parenting, and the partner should not be expected to contribute time, money or effort to the child, and should not be expected to tolerate bad behavior.  Most of these "sole say" parents live on a one-way street, though.

Also what is with these step kids not sleeping and staying in their own beds. It seems they always want in the parents room/bed or living room to sleep. 

In the beginning it was common for SDnow20 to "couch camp", and have her water glass, a juice glass, a bag of snacks, her tissues and her asthma thing.

I put the stop on that, and DH backed me up because it was simply gross (shes a pig).

SDnow13, was 8 ish when I came on board, and she had a nightlight, and we made a cool little routine of "tuck time". Shes all good now.

She claims to have "anxiety issues", like her mother and sister.

I think its because she doesnt like getting into trouble and has very little coping mechanisms for dealing with life stress.

SDnow 20 has no drivers license (anxiety!)

no job (anxiety!)

no college (anxiety!)

I call bs on this coddling behavior. Sure, your partner should definitely parent how he wants to. But couch camping is a no-go. Its nothing personal to kiddo. (wink)

Big hugs to you! I totally understand how you're feeling. I may have missed this in the thread, but does SS sleeping on the couch negatively affect you, other than you just don't like it? Has it affected your private time with DH? Has it kept you from sleeping due to TV noise? Has it prevented you from being able to use the living room? If yes, then I agree you need to work something out with DH. But if it doesn't really affect you outside of you just don't like it, ask yourself if it's really worth the fights it will cause with DH. Sometimes you gotta just suck it up and let things go, as hard as that is to do.