Do you ever feel like a Step parent to your siblings, nieces/nephews?
I know I do. I could see the BS a million miles away with my older sisters life and I’d do my best to steer her in the right direction, oftentimes, tough love. She didn’t like what I’d have to say and my mom is still a Disney mom when it comes to her. And I was like the evil step parent who has always had good intentions, like most steps do, but I gently call it how I see it. I’m a very rational person and my sister always has her head in the clouds, and then when shit hits the ceiling, she always has excuses and blames everyone else.
She failed a biiig test at work in May, a test that she had 6 months to prepare for. If she doesn’t pass within a year and a total of 3 attempts, she’s canned. Before she took it the first time, I used to get on her about STUDYING. Get off fucking Facebook and study. And I offered to help her study, I even bought her supplies. Buttt ohhh I was being too mean and making her nervous and I don’t know what I’m talking about, how she is studying her ass off. Ok. She bombed it bigtime. After listening to her excuses, she went on to say that she just randomly answered 30 of the 120 questions because she didn’t study anything from that section of the test. I called her out on it and told her I do not feel bad for her, she had 6 months to prepare and she didn’t even look at a section that she knew would be 1/4 of the test? Baffling. But oh I was mean, and she told my mom not to tell me when she was going to retake it. Once again, I offered my help.
I then found out she made the decision herself to retake it 5 weeks after bombing it. I told her my offer still stands to help her, but, nooo, “she’s got this.” I then notice she’s active on messenger anytime I log in, liking people posts, constantly on Instagram, going out of town for her sons sports on weekends instead of letting daddy go by himself. I said something to my mom, mon told me i don’t know how it is since I don’t have kids. Ok. I disengaged at that point.
Found out today was her retake date. She bombed it. Mom is upset, she’s bawling. And I’m over here all disengaged.
I also used to encourage her to give her dog up for adoption since her son is not responsible with taking care of him. He likes to cuddle and play with him, but taking him for walks? No. Brushing him? No. This dog was bought only under that agreement that since he wanted a dog, he would have to care for him, not my sister. Of course I was the bitch for even suggesting that it go to a more responsible family, and she went on about how much her son loves the dog and would be devastated if she took him away. I disengaged. I found out that last night my lovely nephew let him out without a leash and the dog chased after their neighbors 18 month old and almost bit her. The child’s parents screamed at my sister and nephew when they chased after him and they said they were calling her landlord about the matter. Now my sister is afraid of getting kicked out of her new townhouse because having a dog on a leash was part of the rental agreement. My mom agreed to keep the dog while they house hunt this year. My mom with new carpet in her house. I said nothing about it, but I was thinking about how my nephew needs to have that dog snatched away from his irresponsible ass and I kinda hope they are evicted. All I said was, “mom, I hope you advise her that it would be very unwise to buy a house until she passes that test” and my mom looked at me and put her head down.
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Darlin' its time you started
Darlin' its time you started to disengage COMPLETELY like you would do with a step kid. I think you mean well but your sister doesn't want to hear it and wants to do it her way.....regardless if it works for her or not. Anything pertaining to what she does and how she does it...... I would not comment on. Keep your thoughts to yourself and let your sister learn the hard way. She doesn't seem to care or want your help and opinion so just let it go.....
Wish her well and keep it movin', at the end of the day she's the one that has to deal with the fall out, not you.
Yes, she is the one who has
Yes, she is the one who has to deal with it but it affects all of us. If she loses her job, my mom will ante up to help, no doubt. Which stresses mom out and then me. Ugggh. Mom won’t show tough love and I think that is the reason my sister is so irresponsible, it’s always been “mom to the rescue.” I’ll never forget when my nephew was 5 and he dropped a glove into mud from being careless. I told him to pick it up so we can go home and wash it. He refused. Mom started to reach for it and I stopped her while saying “he dropped it, he needs to pick it up.” She looked at me like I was so mean. We got to my place and soonafter mom and nephew weee leaving for Walmart because he wanted a new pair of gloves. Ugggh.
Anyway, UPDATE on the dog. Mom just told sis that they need to talk and my sister said she can’t stop by to talk until next week. Mom told her she needs to pick up the dog ASAP and put him up for adoption because she can’t keep him. Sister got mad and told her that her son, mom’s grandson 14, will probably never want to see her again now. Manipulation at its finest. Mom told her that she doesn’t care, and sister hung up on her. We’ll see how this pans out. Lol. I’m so happy to be disengaged. It’s really taken a load off me.
Omggggg!!! Everyone sounds
Omggggg!!! Everyone sounds like a train wreck. It’s like HOW did your wife come out if that family so responsible?!? Haha. So I’m curious, has your wife decided to disengage? Or does she still get caught up in their drama? I really love being disengaged, I want to grab some popcorn and laugh as it all unfolds. It still bothers me that my mother, a total empath, cannot smell the roses and falls for my sister’s manipulation and “poooor me” disposition. But it’s not my problem afterall. Last year in June, my mom told me she will be putting big chunks on money down on her mortgage and have it paid off in 2 years. Now that a year has passed, I thought I would ask if she still thinks that is a attainable goal, how she should have 1/2 of the balance paid off by now if she stuck to her plan. She told me no, her house won’t be paid off next year. I laughed to myself, she literally took sister on a shopping spree to buy household items for her new place, meanwhile, sister/BIL/nephew all bought new IPhones just a few days prior. It’s so messed up, all of them. Sister knows better than to ask me for anything, and it’s a good thing, because if I were to cave, I can see my life spinning out of control quickly. Once these types get their foot in your life and get it their way, they tend to quickly infiltrate and take over.
Well props to you for being
Well props to you for being so supportive to your wife and being her emotional support thru all of this family drama. I seriously wish I could find someone who understands my dysfunctional family. The guys in my past all had wonderful families and were scared of anyone who is from so much dysfunction. Orrr, one guy, completely disengaged from his entire family and literally had no one. Not even many friends, no fault of his own. His stories about them made my family look like saints. It didn’t work out because I just couldn’t get him to soften up and relax, everything was so black or white in his world, no grey areas. Someday I hope to best someone who GETS it.
I hope it all gets better for you guys. Or should I say for her family. You guys are doing gr8
NoNot my job to step in where
No
Not my job to step in where others fail to act as responsible adults concerning their kids.