Things that were said that you should have picked up on.

Are there any statements that your SO said, or even the skids that you now think back on and think I really should have paid more attention to those statements? }:)

Ya know how one thing reminds you of something that reminds you of something else and so on. Just got me thinking about some things that have been said over the course of almost 7 year with DH that at the time didn't seem like anything but now I'm like...hmmmm... makes total sense now.

1) When DH told me that OSD lived with her friend during her senior year of HS. She was 18. I thought it was odd that she wasn't living with either DH or BM since she was still in school. Translation: OSD is a raging bitch and PITA and neither BM or myself want to be bothered with her or live with her and we have been counting down the days until she turns 18.

2) First time I met MSD she said to me "Wow you aren't what I expected. Daddy normally dates fat girls." Translation: My mom has never been threatened by any other woman but she will be threatened by you and try to make your life a living hell.

3) DH to me when we were thinking about moving in together "You know if we get a house the girls are going to want to live with us." Translation: Once we have something better, my princesses are going to want to move in with us and take over, while you have no say, but you should take care of them because they are my kids. And they are just using us because of having a house..... I however stopped that plan pretty much right away once we did get our house.

4) OSD and MSD got involved in a fight between DH and I and sent me nasty messages. DH and I broke up for some time and then got back together. He told me "You need to apologize to my girls" Translation: Even though they had no business getting involved in my love life and then sending you messages and displaying horrible behavior, they are my princesses and YOU need to apologize to them to make THEM feel more comfortable, even though you never did anything to them.... just to clarify I told him to Fuck Off and no I would not apologize to his girls.

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Yesssss! I love this!! DH

Yesssss! I love this!!
DH said to me VERY early on...I have A LOT of guilt for even bringing SD into this world. (She is the result of a one night stand & has full custody as BM is a POS)...Translation..I will give her whatever she wants, whenever she wants for the rest of her life because I fucked up and I will raise a selfish, entitled brat that has no desire to do anything for herself.

Kind of the same thing here!

Kind of the same thing here! SD20 was the result of a couple of stupid nights with BM1. DH wanted nothing to do with having a baby with BM and made that perfectly clear to her. She had the baby anyway. DH had nothing to do with SD for the first 3 years of her life, but then because he felt guilty because his own father walked out of his life and never came back when DH was 3, he decided he didn't want to be like his father. And while that is commendable that he stepped up, it was also a red flag that he suffers from extreme guilty dad syndrome and not only over compensates for his own mistakes, but ALSO his father's mistakes.

The other red flag would have been that he was always badmouthing BM1 and her family. Telling me stories about their constant debaucheries (stealing, illegal activity, getting evicted every 6 months, milking the system etc) but yet he never fought for custody of SD..... UNTIL I came along and we got married and bought a house together, THEN he unilaterally decided to tell SD that she should move in with us (yes, decided all on his own and TOLD me "hey, I'm going to pick up SD, she's going to move in with us) I should have translated that to... hey now that you are here, I want my kid to live with us so you can help me (read do all the bad stuff that guilty daddies don't like to do)"fix" the FOURTEEN years of crap that I allowed to take place, while I constantly undermine you and accuse you of not liking my kid.

Blah.

The only things that were

The only things that were said and STILL stand out we’re out of MIL’s mouth.

1) Shortly after DH and I moved back to his home state, MIL cornered me in a room and told me: “You’re all (me, DH, BM) just going to have to suck it up, get along, and be friends. BM is always going to be in your lives”.

MIL is very hot-n-heavy with BM and her family. Which is funny, because they weren’t really that close before, and BM really only tolerates MIL to get what she wants out of her - and that’s someone to dump skid off on. MIL makes it very hard for DH to maintain healthy boundaries with BM.

2) Also MIL to me (while holding my then 4 month old) and DH in response to him pointing out she has other grandchildren: “Skid is the only thing that matters in all of this. She’s top priority”.

That was almost 4 years ago and still true, sadly.

1) "DSD LOVES spending time

1) "DSD LOVES spending time with her GPs" = BM nor I give a shit about parenting this hellian child and we dump her off on my folks anytime we can bc they have no rules and let her run wild and spoil the hell out of her which makes her behavior that much worse and when she comes home we can't handle her so we send her back to GPs bc it makes her happy. It's a cycle, really.

2) "Nothing in this world means more to me than DSD" = Nothing in this world means more to me than making my ex out to look like the bad guy/shit parent/unfit and I will Disney Dad the fuck out of everything even at the expense of my relationship with you (Honestly, her BM isn't that bad)

3) "She really needs a stable mother figure in her life" = DSD needs a BFF bc all the girls her age hate her, so you need to spend every minute playing/entertaining/bowing to her and never ever discipline or talk bad about her.

4) "She LIKES spending time with me" = DSD is my mini wife, and she will sneak into our bed, stay up late with me after you go to sleep, run around with me, and generally dictate how I spend what little free time I have. You may voice an opinion, but if it differs from hers, I'll just nod and ignore it.

"My ex wife is crazy!" IPOD-H

"My ex wife is crazy!"
IPOD-H told me this and yes his ex wife is crazy in mostly a harmless way. She is out of touch with reality, facts and responsibility, pretty much lives in la la land. Problem is IPOD-H is crazy too. It seems to run in families or people who are married to each other.

"You are quite strict with your son."
Yes, BS12 has rules and boundaries. However, I do not think I am strict with BS. I parent my son. IPOD-H has a sort of hands off free range approach to parenting and his kids are a mess.

Should have seen it! Should have seen it!!

Of course, the old "No one

Of course, the old "No one will come between me and my kids!". Supposed to make him sound like a great father, but actually means, "I will create bogus reasons to protect my kids from you, maintaining that you are the enemy who is still somehow good enough to sleep with."

"It's none of your business!" - meaning, "I will expect you to take care of my children's daily needs, but will hide any information regarding their problems/wrongdoings because you have no say and I don't want to hear you say, "I told you so"."

And this same guy actually told me that taking care of BM was his responsibility and therefore also mine, but I was too "in looooooooooooove" to run at the time.

Out of all of these, I

Out of all of these, I couldn't not comment on this. BM is your (as a couple) responsibility?? No! NO!!!!

And this same guy actually

And this same guy actually told me that taking care of BM was his responsibility and therefore also mine, but I was too "in looooooooooooove" to run at the time.

OMFiingG!!!

Yes, absolutely. "OSD is my

Yes, absolutely.

"OSD is my child; YSD is BM's child". I remember telling DH that both of my kids were my children. But what he really meant was that OSD had a rope around his neck because he was her possession, and she was not going to appreciate sharing him with another woman.

"OSD is the pretty one; YSD is the smart one." Translation: YSD is successful, independent and has her own life. OSD was raised thinking she was a beauty queen (they were way off the mark), has been catered to her entire life, and expects that catering to continue".

"Both the girls think BM is nutjob". Oh, so many translations. 1: "I gossip with my kids so they accept me", 2: "BM is a legitimate nutjob that has conditioned me to protect my poor little poopsies, even now", 3. "I need to make sure I am always the favorite parent since this nut case BM is my competition."