Horrible adults should never be included in anything. DNA be damned. Horrible children might best be excluded from some activities. (more of a grey area here)

Even in intact families sometimes activities are split - sometimes by sex, sometimes by age, sometimes by area of interest. A little girl may be excited to go have tea while her brother is not (or vice versa).

I took my niece to Disneyworld. Her two brothers had no interest in going (they were a little older). fyi - the niece was actually a step niece.

Choosing to have lunch with a bio parent alone is WAY different than banning the step parent from a wedding. But of course some people should be banned from any interface - and some of those people are SPs. Being a SP does not make an awful person acceptable.

It depends on the situation.

In the past I have invited my siblings for the holidays. I never invited my step siblings who were actually raised by my mom after I became an adult. I didn't feel guilty and invited the siblings (and half siblings), who I grew up with. My brother didn't invite my half siblings to his very expensive wedding, mainly because I don't think he liked them.

Whenever I spend time with my adult bio(s), it is usually just me that does things. They aren't close at all to my young bios, and my young bios spend that time with dh alone, so it is a win win.

I think all(or at least most)of us would give anything to have one big happy family. But at some point you have to stop doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results. Some of our skids will NEVER accept us. Will always use every family activity as an opportunity to push the point that we are not 'family.' At some point you accept and move on.

There is no way I am going to spend my money to take my skid on a holiday so he can ignore me there too.

I don't understand the posts about including the children in everything. They sound like unikitty with FOMO by proxy. The wedding ones get me every time.

I do not think any bride and groom is required to invite every one. My own wedding was testament to that. No children, no in laws, no family drama. I don't believe my daughters should be at Chucky's school events, when we had them. And vise versa.

Too much thinking and equalising goes in to, too many of these situations.

My SD24 is not included in anything we do. When she was young and it was our weekend with her, she was included in whatever we were doing.

When she was 16, she stopped her visitation. She has always been all about her BM's family, anyway.

I wouldn't care if she spent time with my DH without me but honestly, he has no desire to do so, he doesn't trust her.