Dear The Animal,

Thank you so much for creating a monster, he is so much fun to live with! I absolutely adore the way he thinks that his daddy is not a real daddy. I just love when he uses things thst happened in the courtroom against me and his daddy, although I wasnt there and neither was he. Its so darn cute.

Thank you for creating so much turmoil in this childs head that his daddy is held accountable for the divorce that you intiated! I just love when he tells me that his mommy and daddy would still be together if daddy could have just learned to follow the rules, afterall its not that hard to keep your head down just in case a woman or a womans picture is present. I also find absolutly endearing that he believes his daddy cheated on you because the bible says a marriage after divorce is adultry. Even though you got married a mere three months after the divorce I still appreciate being held accountable for adultry six years after your divorce. I also appreciate you telling him that none of his brothers are his "real" brothers because you didnt birth them. It is so much fun to explain complex adult relationships to little children who dont even understand the concept of time yet.

I just love the way you have also taught him that showers everyday are unnessary, as is brushing your teeth, or wiping your heiny after pooping. I completely understand that you choose to live this way in the wild. It is so much fun to argue with 11 year old who has hit puberty and believes that a shower once every other week is truely all you need.

Please teach me the way that you endoctrinated him into your own cultlike understanding of the bible, although Im atheist as is my husband, its so much fun to argue why the bible is the best understanding of human history, and even though there is scientific evidence backing claims discrediting the bible, i would love to continue these discussions with my much younger children in the future.

Please, please, please teach me the way that you have made him believe that his daddy is accountable for every problem you have, have had, or will have in the future. I just hate being accountable in my own for my own problems and would love to have someone else to blame at all times for any problems that crop up. I, too, would love if every problem I have with my husband could be blamed on my exs or his. It would be so much easier than resolving them ourselves and blaming ourselves for poor decision making in the heat of anger.

I find it so cute when your son says that he doesnt need a college education or a job in the future because there are government programs designed to give people free money. I find it charming that because you were homeless for so long while on the run with him that he thinks having a home to sleep in is completely unnecessary because you can sleep and change clothes in a vehicle. After all you only have to change clothes once a week, if youre really dirty.

In all honesty though I really do owe you a thank you for at least one thing. You divorced my husband and treated him like shit every chance you had during your marriage and afterwards, and continue to do so. That left him completely free to not only find and marry me, but he also knows what great thing he has with me, because no matter how bad I can be, Im still not as bad as you are in comparison.

Gratefully yours,

The Tramp