Disengagement
This is a logistical question, Im a SAHM, and Im sick of the crap SS11 pulls with me when his daddy is not here. I read the blogs this such a common problem! Im actually in shock over how common this problem is for us SMs. No one in my family is divorced, I dont have cousins from split homes, all my aunts and uncles are "real" brother and sisters. There is literally no one I can talk to about step life that understands what its like to be stepparent or a second wife. Im completely isolated in my social network when it comes to this stuff. Anyway, I decided after an arguement with my husband over SS11 behaviors that I needed to completely disengage from all of it, and then Monday comes along and ooops I forgot. SS11 started an arguement over homework expectations (which are very clear and nonnegoiable) he yelled me and then threw his book bag. Message recieved buddy, my bad for forgetting.
So, because Im SAHM and I do not want to interact with this child on any level ever again (I exergerate) is it unreasonable for me to expect him to come from school and stay in his bedroom with his bedroom door closed until his daddy comes from home? The way I see it, this limits his communication with me and therefore limits his ability to pull crap on me until his dad comes home. However, SS11 gets home around 315p and his dad could arrive home anywhere from 530p to 7p depending on schedules. I would of course feed the child at normal dinner time, but then send him back. Im not sure if this correct way to go about this.
Keep in mind that this child has severe mental issues and my worry is that isolating him, although benficial to me and my peace of mind, will only cause more problems to arise. Im not really sure how to go about this I want whats best for both of us. But the stuff hes pulling with me is going to stop!
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He actually hasnt been
He actually hasnt been diagnosed. I got all these numbers from different counselors when we began finding very disturbing drawings and stories in his room and in his notebooks from school. I told him that I would give him these numbers to call and set up appointments. This was two weeks ago, and DH has brought them up one time after an arguement and has not mentioned them since them. I will not be the one to seek medical attn for this child. He needs it, but I cant subject my other two to sitting in waiting rooms repeatedly.
Also, the kid doesnt make friends where we live, to be fair there is no one his age, playing outside is an option, but then I have to be around him to supervise this because he is no longer allowed to play unsupervised with my children and then Im forced to tell him what to do again opening myself up to his outbursts. He does participate in a local sports team, but they only practice once a week. He also participates in a musical instrument, but once again, once a week.
Im stuck between a rock and a hard place. Other than making his dad find after school care for him, I dont know what to do. Making his dad find after school care for him is opening myself up to critism and resentment from him and his family and Im not sure thats the right thing either. I just dont know. Im so lost at this.
Traditional roots here, too.
Traditional roots here, too. It has been a culture shock of a ride! What has helped me a little is the book "Smart Stepmom". By Ron Deal and Laura P (can't spell her last name but you should be able to find the book on google. Helped me tons but it is still a tough road.
Blessings!