so my talk with bf last night did not go so well. he started the conversation by telling me that he lied about a couple of things and that most importantly the phone incident the other night turned into a huge disaster. he tells me that bm heard me telling him 'to get off the phone, tell her we're having dinner' (this is right before i unplugged the phone because i was tired of him yelling at her). so apparently she said 'tell her to f***k off, i can talk to you whenever i want to.'

so after i left that night to clear my head and to have some wine, she called back and spoke to bf again (this was one of the lies - he said they didn't speak after that). she was asking if he was going to take the kids or what - i'm like hello crazy woman, you just left a vm telling him to f**k off and he wasn't taking the kids. i don't even wanna know how the conversation went.

the following night he had to pick up sd for soccer practice after work. i don't go with him because they live 45 monutes away and it's closer to his work. sd asked why she couldn't stay with him and he said he was busy. so she kicked him in the shins and said 'i hate you so much'. i know this must have hurt him. after practice he took sd and ss to dinner and 16 yo ss was asking about the fight he had with bm. he also said 'mama said ____ was yeling at you to get off the phone. she wouldn't let mama talk to you. i can't believe that.' bf replied 'that's because your mama was yelling at me and ____ was getting upset. we were having dinner'. he continued to explain that their mama had to right to yell at him, etc etc.

so as he drops them off bm comes out to talk to him and starts going off about me, saying things like 'why the hell are you with her. she had no right to not let me talk to you, etc, etc. said she was going to tell me off. apparently he said to her 'i know your games. you don't want me but you don't want anyone else to have me either. you lost your priviledge to yell at me when you divorced me. also ___ is a good person and has been very good to your kids'.

now i guess he was defending me here? but i still don't feel good about the fact they were having that kind of conversation.

so ff to lsat night - during our talk he said he's confused about continuing to make this work (that makes both of us). he is afraid that bm is not only making skids hate him, but now really hate me. it already is breaking his heart she is putting the kids against him. he said it's going to get worse. and that i should also expect completely different behavior from the kids as bm has already started planting horrible things about me in their ears. bf is an extremely sensitive guy. he cries alot. i am very sensitive too - between the 2 of us we're a big ball of tears. he's afraid that if we already have problems and fight now, it will increasingly get worse from here because bm is starting war, he's not sure either of us will be able to take it.

and maybe he's right. i keep reading ann's post about the best advice. i think i've read it about 20+ times so that i can keep myself calm but last night i was a mess. i could not sleep at all. i kept thinking about writing bm an email. not a nasty one but a very polite one telling her things like she's done a great job raising her kids and that i respect her for that and that i care about her kids very much and it concerns me that there is so much yelling and perhaps we can turn this into a more positive thing, and that i ddidn't want her to misunderstand the phone incident, etc etc.

i don't know if this is the right thing to do or not but we have only said 2 words to eachother in the past (very little interaction) and i don't see how a nice email can do any damage. maybe it can actually do some damage control? i know she may never like me but maybe a positive email may calm her down a bit? i don't want to feed the flames, that's for sure. has anyone else done anything like this? i was also thinking of hand writing really nice letters to the kids?

maybe i should just let it go. after all, she is not my ex, so not my problem but the way this is going i feel it's going to become more of my problem. it is beginning to affect me and my relationship with bf. it's all so immature and damaging to everyone, especially the kids.

so i got 1 hour of sleep last night total. i am exhausted.