it took all of this for the light bulb to turn on???
ok first of all i would like to say that this site is totally amazing! it has has already influenced my life, my relationship, my situation and most importantly my sanity in a very productive way.
so in order for you to understand what's going on with me please read my first blog. well i am here in new york (day #3) on my 'asylm' and i think a light bulb has finally turned on in my bf's head! he has been calling me and texting me like crazy teling me how much he messed up and that he will do anything i want him to do to make this relationship work. yesterday he sent an email to his ex officially setting forth boundaries so that the nonsense can at least get to a managable level (of course never go away completely..grr). i am sure this is just the beginning of her horns and claws really coming out!
he had his 1st therapy appointment today and promises to go weekly and 'if' i come home we will continue together. he also made an appointment for his vasectomy reversal the week after i am scheduled to return! whoa..
OK this is nuts. i have been out of my head for months trying to understand what the hell went wrong with him after i moved there and it finally took me giving him a glimse of life without me i guess! believe me i am not complaining just totally surprised. almost sounds too good to be true doesn't it.....?
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Wow
Congrats! I hope you got my other private post....Sorry I was late sending it but I don't log in every day. I'm very happy that he's accomplished so much so soon. What did he say to the ex about the boundaries?
Oh and my DH just went through a vas reversal in case you have any questions on that.
stepmom_c........
yes i got your private post. thanks so much for the advice. so far so good. he sent an email to the ex stating that a line needs to be drawn in the sand once and for all. he listed them in bulletpoint with a BCC to me(i've copied and pasted - is that bad?):
·No calls during the day unless it is an emergency.Otherwise send an email – we can respond as needed.We can discuss things on the phone in the evening if necessary.
·Our calls should be only about the car, house and other business matters and most importantly the kids.
·I’m not coming into the house anymore unless you won’t be there. Having conversations in the house does nothing but confuse the kids. If I need to do something at the house or in the house we will make arrangements as necessary.
·I will get a landscaper if the house hasn’t sold by next spring – the yard will need cleanup further but I can do it one weekend when you aren’t around. I will paint or get a painter but I if I do it want to do it when you aren’t there.
he also ended by saying that he is trying to build a relationship with me and that these boundaries were necessary in order him to do that.
funny thing is that the next day she called him during the day(she broke boundary #1) to say that she got his email and that at first she was really pissed but that she understood it was necessary and she will do her best to follow them. so we shall see what happens. so far he says she hasn't called since then. apparently he is thinking about going ot the house to finish the painting before i return. as much as i hate this because i think she needs to get off her lazy ass and do it, i will let it go and hope he just gets it done.
as for the vas reversal - yes i am definitely interested to know how that is working out for you???
wow
That's a great start. She will inevitably break some of the boundaries but it will work with consistency. My DH quit answering the phone. She'll leave a message or text if it's important. I think it's great that he mentioned you and that she stated she understood. Will she make it easy, no. But it's a great start in my opinion.
The reversal went well. It was a little scary for me at first - I was in the waiting room by myself and it took longer than I thought it would. Just plan for more time!! All in all we were there most of the day. The anesthesia made DH very sick but once that was over and we got his pain meds with anti-nausea all he did was sleep for a full day. I'd get him up in the bed and feed him, give him medicine then back to sleep he went. The next day he slept most of the day, I went to work and called him and he got up, fed himself, then went to bed. All in all it was successful. He got it done on a Thurs and was able to go back to work on a Mon (slow at first working 1/2 days for the first 2 days) but after that you wouldn't know he had anything done. Just no heavy lifting...that's the big thing. We're 6 weeks out and he's feeling GREAT. Had a test done and operation was a success. We're going to wait until Nov to try though...I'll keep you posted.
Hmmm, do you have room for one more person in NY?
It is what it is...