Why did this comment bother me?
SD(7) has a horrible problem with getting a cold sore and then sucking on her lip until she has this giant scab that goes from her lip down onto her chin. She then picks at which causes scaring. DH and I have tried hard to get her to quit doing this. We correct her everytime we catch her and try to explain what the long term consequences are if she doesn't stop but we can't watch her 24/7.
So last night I was busy doing stuff around the house when I walked by the living room and heard DH tell her to stop sucking on her lip. SD replied with, "mom told me to tell you that I'll stop sucking on my lip if you stop biting your nails." DH busy doing other things agrees to this. For some reason and I don't know why, this comment made me stop in my tracks and peek my head around the wall. (This is how I know DH agreed to it.) I'm not mad about it. It did make me want to tell SD that what DH does is non of BM's business. I just feel that BM shouldn't be telling SD to tell DH to quit biting his nails. I feel that she still wants or feels the need to be involved in DH's life in a way that is not her place.
This is not the first time she has pulled her BS. (DH and BM are not friends.) When DH's grandfather died this past spring she sent DH a card in the mail letting him know that if he needed anything to just let her know and then wanted to come to the funeral. This is the same lady that called CPS on DH, amongst many other things, and slandered all of his family on bookface for the world to see. She also used to sign all of SD's homework assignments during her week DH and BM Smith. (I know. Seems stupid, but it bothers me. Not to the point where I get angry about it. Just to a point where I think about it.)
Can anybody explain why this comment would bother me? It may seem petty to some but BM is a stalker and has tried almost every trick in the book to get DH back.
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ignoredsm, I'm glad I'm not
ignoredsm,
I'm glad I'm not alone. I had to talk to BM about an issue involving SD and tried to tell me that DH threw an UGG boot, that he bought, at SD's head and that I wouldn't know about that because it was after they split but before I came along. I set her staight really fast on that one. I let her know that I was around then, DH's mother bought both SD and my BD a set of UGG boots, and that DH never threw a boot at SD's head. She got in trouble because she trashed a pair of $100 boots in two weeks. The things didn't even last a month. That shut her up.
I hate when BM pulls the, you wouldn't know because this was before you came along BS.
I think that our BM is just
I think that our BM is just nusts and can't get over DH. She's obsessed with him. Always has been since I've known her.
Know what used to piss me
Know what used to piss me off? When SD14 was over and she'd say "Oh dadddddyyyy, remember when we were a happy family with mom and we went to DisneyWorld?" Or "daddddyyy, you and mom made such a cute couple! I was looking through mom's photo albums of the two of you and you were both just so cute together"
Of course, all this said right in front of me. I got to the point where I just walked out of the room whenever she'd mention her mother. Then I realized, that's exactly what she wanted me to do so she'd have dear dadddyyyyy all to herself! So, then I'd bring up my daughter whenever she'd mention her mom (she's insanely jealous of my daughter) or the wedding, or our trip to Michigan last year (she was beyond pissed she didn't get to go with us). Anything and everything I knew she'd not want to hear, I said. Eventually, she stopped talking to me altogether and never brought her precious mommy up again! YAY ME!
RedWingsFan, It's not that
RedWingsFan,
It's not that fact that SD said it. It's the fact that BM told SD to tell him that she would stop sucking on her lip if he would stop biting his nails. SD didn't think it up. She was told to relay it to DH.
Oh I got that. And my SD
Oh I got that. And my SD pulled that kind of shit too. I didn't like it either and just ignored her. BM will always try and interject herself into our lives. It sucks ass.
aimsabelle, I don't care if
aimsabelle,
I don't care if SD wants to talk about memories of her BM and DH. That's fine. Now when she makes a comment like, "daddy do you remember when you and mommy used to sleep in the same bed," while staring me down the whole time, that is when I have a problem with it. Because the comment is directed at me to try and make me uncomfortable and upset. Doesn't work. But that's her agenda.
When BM is telling SD to tell DH to quit biting his nails, that's when it irratates me. She doesn't get to make that call anymore. She needs to focus on herself, her husband, her kids, her home, and her life.
"mom told me to tell you that
"mom told me to tell you that I'll stop sucking on my lip if you stop biting your nails."
It bothers you because you and DH just heard with your own ears that BM is telling your SD to be disrespectful to her father.... and your DH didn't catch it and agreed with the little darling... he agreed... to getting disrespected by his CHILD because his XW told the kid to disrespect him.
Go beat him over the head with that thought for awhile.
just.his.wife, Okay. This
just.his.wife,
Okay. This makes since. I never really thought about it that way. DH asked her to stop and she pretty much said that her BM told her that unless DH doesn't quit biting his nails she doesn't have to listen to him.
I'll have to run this by DH this evening and see what he thinks. I hate dealing with this stupid b!tch. Why can't she just get an effing life an move on.
Id have big issues with that
Id have big issues with that Exchange, but not for the same reason as all he previous posters.
Id be pissed that dear ol dad is letting SD dictate to an adult how things will be run. It's not ok for dad to tell her something and her to reply with..... I will only do what you tell me if you do what I tell you. SD is being given way too much power in this dynamic. Dad should have laid it down on her that he is the adult and what he choses to do is none of her concern and that she will do as she is told without the back talk.
If she is allowed to speak to her father this way now, what do you think it will be like in 5 years?
I have no clue but I'm sure
I have no clue but I'm sure it will only get worse. I sometimes wonder if she'll even want to come over for DH's visitation anymore in the next 5 years. BM is creating a monster with her daughter.
I agree with PeanutandSons!
I agree with PeanutandSons! SD should not have been allowed to come back with something when she was given an instruction by her father. It's disrespectful.
biting your nail = generally harmless. Biting and picking at your face until it becomes an infected crater and hideous scar = very bad idea.
The other part of this that
The other part of this that stuck out to me....
For bm to have said that to SD, makes it seem like she thinks that its ok for SD to suck her lip. Like, well, if daddy is going to be so mean to you and get on you about your lip them he needs to stop biting his nails. Basically saying that daddy is picking on her over nothing (people in glass houses kind of a thing).
Why anyone would encourage their child to continue a disfiguring habit, just to undermine the ex is absurd. She should be backing him up 100% in telling her to stop it..... Not defacto encouraging it.
I'm with Peanuts on this one
I'm with Peanuts on this one -- that firstly, the BM basically gave SD7 permission to be flippant and disrespectful to her father. No way would I accept my child saying, "I'll clean my room if you only cook me spaghetti pie tonite." Um, no.
And as far as the hypocrasy in it, if BM thinks it's hypocritical, good for her. But she doesn't drag her 7 year old into it like she did. Biting nails is one thing... gross, but not nearly as gross as someone who gets a cold sore and then messes with it until it goes from lip to chin, promoting oozing, infection, and IMPETIGO which is highly contagious. This is not just asking the SD to break a bad habit, it's a health issue.