I think that I am getting close to completely disengaging from my home life. Due to the issues with the crazy BM making rifts with her two kids and I, I feel like I'm walking on egg shells. When ever the little girl (5) sees BF and I hanging out any where in the house by ourselves she makes it a point to come in and insert herself into the situation. And the looks I get from this child are just crazy. They're not dirty mean looks. I can't explaine them. It would probably help if BM would stop telling her that she wants to marry her ex, my bf, again and that she's sad becuase of that fact that it's not happening. This little girl is so confused. Everytime she hears that it's like taking one step forward and ten steps back in regards to dealing with the divorce.

The son 3 almost 4, has no respect for me what so ever due him being the apple of his father's eye, which means that I get undermined a lot. Not to mention that he is a complete terror. Never listens, sneaky, mean, lies. The list can go on and on with him.

I get the feeling that both of his kids hate me. I told him (BF) that last night. I'm not sure if I can ever love them at this point. I feel really bad for saying that. I just want to disengage from them completely and let BF handle his own out of control kids.

It's selfish of me to want to be first in BF's life. His kids will always come first due to some underlying guilt. Case in point, last night after almost driving off the road mulitple times because of how bad the weather is and the sheer fact that I was losing air in my one of my front tires due to running over a nail some how, I walked in the door and his kids are out of control. I mean in the kitchen while he's cooking yelling daddy daddy daddy, look at this, I'm thirsty, ect. He's at the point where he's about to lose it and he just lets them get away with it. Do you think he cared about my trip home? Maybe he did. I just couldn't tell with all the competition for his attention.

He apparenlty promised them that they could stay up and watch a movie on a school night when he knew that I wasn't going to be home until 7:00. Their bed time is 8:00 and they needed to eat dinner.
Anytime after 8:00 is our time. We don't get much of it. But he chose to use our time when he had atleast 3 hours before I got home to spend with them.

So then we all go and sit in the living room to watch the movie. His son sat in his lap in the recliner, his daughter sprawled out on the love seat next to him in the recliner, and my daughter and I sat across the living room on the couch.

I finally told him at 9:30 that I was putting my daughter to bed. Both of the girls needed to be up earlier in the morning due to the conditions of the raods so that I could get them to school on time. He at that point put both of his to bed as well.

Then we had the chat, where he was perfectly okay with me worring about the raods and leaving on time in the morning but not about choosing our time to spend with his kids. He told me that he feels guilty because he doesn't get the time he wants to spend with his kids. (Well neither do I with my own child. It's called life and being a parent. You work full time to pay the bills, put food on the table, and keep a roof over their heads. Sorry about the little rant.) So I told him that's his choise. He chose to use our time and I was going to bed.

I just don't want to deal with it anymore. I did enjoy the text I got at work from BF today, I miss u come home. It took everything in me not to send him a reply stating, maybe you should have thought about that last night. I just didn't respond.

Does anybody see what I see from this? Or am I just over reacting?