Have a Question in Regards to DH's Divorce Decree (Legal Advise)
Hey everybody,
Hope you can help a sista out on this one.
DH's divorce decree states that both he and his ex are responsible for paying for 50% of work related child care expenses for each other. Now this hasn't been a problem because both the kids are in daycare at both households. (There was a good six month stint where the ex had both of the kids out of daycare because she got fiered and couldn't afford it.)
DH wants to get SS(5) into all day kindergarten which needs to be paid for. The cost is less then if he were to do part time kindergarten, which is free, and daycare. He gets off at an early enough time to where he can pick all three kids up from school and save money.
The ex is okay with paying for half of the all day kindergarten but does not get off for an hour after they kids get out of school. When she asked DH if he would pick the kids up after school and watch them for an hour he told her no. It's her responsibility to manage the kids on her time. She came back with what I view as a threat telling him he would have to pay for half of her daycare costs. DH called me and asked me what I thought. He just wants to save money so he is willing to watch the kids until she can figure something out.
Can she bully him into doing this for her? It's only for an hour Monday through Friday two weeks a month?
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Can DH go after her for all
Can DH go after her for all of the work related child care that she would of had to pay him when she removed the kids from daycare for six months because she got fiered for stealing? I think that if she throws that threat out again DH can make it a point to tell her that's fine but he will be seeking reimbursement for those six months.
Dtzy is right on all counts.
Dtzy is right on all counts. Sorry, it's not fair, but totally legal.
Your DH coukd but it would
Your DH coukd but it would probably cost him more in attorney/court fees then its worth, but he could make the threat?? Usually elementary schools offer a program for after school that is relatively inexpensive......they give them a snack, help with homework, let them run around. That may be cheap enough to not worry about dealing with the other??
This isnt going to be
This isnt going to be popular, but Im going to say it anyway. Your DH is not a father on ONLY his days. Unless he is working during that time and absolutely cannot get the kids, i think his refusal to watch his own children is ridiculous. JMO of course. On the other front, if the divorce decree states that both parents have to pay for childcare, then I would assume that regardless of the situation, both parents have to pay for child care.
I kindof have to agree with
I kindof have to agree with this....
The stepkids go to school in our school district. Every day, my DH picks up SS from school and SD gets dropped off at our house. BM picks the kids up from our house on her days (50/50 custody). DH gets to make sure both kids do all their homework and have parental supervision while doing so. My SS had straight A's all last year because of it. SD's always had straight A's.
Granted things haven't always been so peachy keen, BM used to time to the second to make sure DH didn't get any extra time with the kids.
If he's off anyway, why can't he pick up the kids? I understand he might want to make a point, but I can't really see any harm with him getting to see his kids everyday. Besides, I know most BM's are cow's but SOMETIMES it paves the way for her leaving ya'll the hell alone.
I agree with this also. They
I agree with this also. They are still his kids, geez. This is not a situation where the BM is trying to weasel out of her responsibilities to go party or something.
Your DH would have to pay.
Your DH would have to pay. sucks, but it is what it is. I think decrees should state that whoever has parenting time, must pay for child care if needed.
RainbowsAndDaisies,
RainbowsAndDaisies, Aislinn81, and hereiam,
You would be correct they are his kids but it's on BM's time. She has effed him over so much and would do so in a heart beat again because she's nuts. Before you go getting all judgemental on my DH you may want to go back through all of my posts and read exactly what she's done. He is not going to help her out. This is her responsibility. They are divorced with shared custody. She needs to man up and figure something out instead of expecting to threaten DH into saving her some money. Now if she maybe asked nicely it would have been a competely different response but she didn't. That's a very typical reaction from her when DH says no to something she wants.
Here's what I see happening. DH agrees to this. DH does something to piss BM off. BM decides that she is going to eff DH over and take the kids and put them in daycare on her time. Now DH is stuck paying for half of the all day kindergaten every month and half of BM's daycare during her week. This is most likely exactly what will happen. She'll ask for something unreasonable like taking the kids on DH's Christmas and when he says no she'll threaten him with this.
You'd figure with how many wacked out BM's everbody is always bitching about that you three wouldn't be so geared up to side with our BM. Go back and read my posts about this lady. She's a freaking nut job. Not only stalked (by stalked I mean going as far as sitting outside the house at 3 am) DH for the first year we were together but PASd his BD against him, filed false child abuse allegations against him and some how got their BD to believe it actually happened, effed with my BD while she at school in kindergarten amongst many other things. 18 can't come soon enough SS. We will change our phone numbers and get the heck out of here.
Trust me, I deal with my own
Trust me, I deal with my own crazy BM so I understand where you are coming from.
However, my honest opinion, and the easiest solution would be for DH to go ahead and pick up the kids, if something happens down the road and she threatens him with what you are talking about, tell her, fine. Do what you need to do, DH can enjoy some extra time with his kids.
I understand about not wanting to give BM an inch, and I apologize if I offended you, that wasn't my intention.
Aislinn81, you didn't affend
Aislinn81, you didn't affend me. You just don't understand this lady. Anything nice DH does will not be returned. If she can't manage to find someone to watch the kids on her time for an hour a day we will not put SS into all day kindergarten. He will go to regular kindergarten and then to daycare eliminating the need for us to pay for half of her daycare on her weeks.
The thing is if she gets away with threatening him into doing this her power plays will come back. It took us years to get her to where she's at right now. Where she realizes that DH has just as much power as her and if she wants things like additional days that she needs to play nice. She's like a small child. If she gets away with this behavior even once it's like we start all over again.
Sounds like you'll be on the
Sounds like you'll be on the hook for half the daycare costs if he doesn't agree to watch them after school.
Certainly he doesn't *have* to do it, and don't expect any return favors. Next time it's the choice between her watching the kids or you having to put the kids in daycare expect her to insist on the daycare, no matter which way you choose to go right now.
Siferra, She wouldn't do
Siferra, She wouldn't do anything to help us out other than maybe letting us keep them an extra day on her week and we do the same with her. But that can change at any moment. If DH doesn't compy with with a request she'll do something along the lines of not allowing DH to take the kids to his home town to say goodbye to their great grandfather before he dies. How do I know she'll do this? Because it happened.