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Emotional Affairs

Unhappy's picture

Submitted by Unhappy on Fri, 12/28/2012 - 10:20am

Can a person have an emotional affair with one of their children? And if so what types of behavior constitutes as an emotional affair?

Comments

Unhappy's picture

Submitted by Unhappy on Fri, 12/28/2012 - 10:35am

The reason why I ask is because DH and SS are stuck together like white on rice so much so that he actually gets proud of himself when he sits with SD. I understand that SS is young (almost 6) but it's gotten so bad that the only time I get with him is when SS isn't around or he is sleeping. DH told me not all to long ago that he has a hard time parenting and likes to spend all of this time with SS because he feels that SS is the only one that loves him unconditionally. So I guess that means that we all come second in DH's life.

I feel that DH uses SS as his emotional support. That SS is the only one that makes DH feel good about himself. It's like he's addicted to SS and SS's attention.

BSgoinon's picture

Submitted by BSgoinon on Fri, 12/28/2012 - 10:46am

Absolutely. There is a name for it, and I always forget what it is called. But when a parent relies on their child for emotional fullfillment beyond a typical parent/ chid relationship, it is wrong.

BM uses SS as an emotional crutch. He is 9 years old and carries a burden of making sure his mom is ok on his shoulders. ONLY when he is with her. When he is home, he doesn't think twice about her (speaking of her emotional well being, I know he thinks about his mom). It is sad, and it is getting worse the older he gets.

hismineandours's picture

Submitted by hismineandours on Fri, 12/28/2012 - 10:50am

I dont know if I'd call it an emotional affair-however he is fostering dependency in his child in order to meet his own emotional needs. Unhealthy to say the least. And your man best be in for a wake up call. This kid's love will be dependent on how well his daddy is meeting HIS needs so if your dh spends some time with himself or you or just generally does something the kid doesnt care for-then watch out! And see how quickly that "unconditional love" will go away. Not to mention as this kid grows to become an adolescent it a natural developmental task for him to move away from his parental figures and bond with his peers. Either way it appears that your dh is going to be left in the dust at some point. Unless he so emotionally cripples his own child that the boy is unable to have any sort of relationship with anyone outside of your dh.

dad'swife's picture

Submitted by dad'swife on Fri, 12/28/2012 - 11:00am

I don't think it is an emotional affair. I DO think that your DH is putting all of his energy into SS because SS "HAS" to love him unconditionally, and he will never leave.

IMO your DH is doing this as a reaction to your constant conversations about how unhappy you are and how this or that needs to change.He probably feels like eventually you will pick up and leave so he is starting to redirect all of his love, time and energy into someone who for sure will love him no matter what.

TBH unhappy, YOU have to make a choice. Your DH is not going to change. Because of that your SS' behavior will not change. So that leaves only you to decide how your story ends.

Unhappy's picture

Submitted by Unhappy on Fri, 12/28/2012 - 11:05am

It was like this with them before I even came into the picture. When I first moved in with DH he would fall asleep holding SS's hand, let SS crawl into bed with us and roll over with his back to me and spoon with him. He has even let SS climb into bed with both DH and I while we were both naked. Ever since I've known DH it's alwasy been him and SS and SS and him. They sit together, play together, and just have fun while the rest of us just watch or busy ourselves with something else.