I forgot to add some things...and I need to see if anyone else has this issue?
FMIL is very intrusive. We live in her house...(we'll be out before Xmas) FH and I have established our own ground rules on how we would like to the kids to be raised when they are with us on the weekends...of course, FMIL does not agree with us. She always intrudes...rolls her eyes...huff and puffs...etc. It's a major annoyance. She thinks she is the girls mother or something. She will fight and yell and scream at us if she disagrees...and of course SD9 is her fav. and always wins. (see past posts for references to crazy FMIL).
So...FMIL and BM have this thing...she always knows what is going on in their lives.(which there is nothing wrong with...) however...FH calls the girls every night. And BM never tells him half of anything he needs to know...doc appts,etc. FMIL likes to rub this in our face? He could ask BM til she is blue in the face and she would tell him nothing is going on.
If BM is going on one of her fancy vacations...for ohhh 3 or 4 nights...she will call FMIL and ask her to keep them? And we live here? Oh and BM and FMIL will not inform us of this. And to keep them for this many days is a major hole in our pocket. (FH does not bring alot home after CS at all so feeding them for this many days has to be split) So of course...we must cancel all of our plans because FMIL is nuts...and we don't trust her. And she is manipulative...and always whispering in SD9's freaking ear saying god knows what (which is probably why she has NO respect for me). FMIL does not provide for these kids...she does not work and never has any money...she does not make them bathe or brush their teeth...and eats out every night...and I think nutrition is an important part kids behavior...she swears constantly (EF THIS EF THAT - uses the "N" word. ) FMIL and FFIL tell the girls they are "sexy" when they put on a new outfit which I don't feel kids should be told they are sexy? I could go on and on...and so could my FSIL...lol I really do try to cook a good meal for them every weekend they are here. And after she has them their behavior is just RIDICULOUS!
We found out that both FSIL;s are preggers...due around the same time...and we were excited and wanted to tell the kids...but of course - she beat us to it...and of course...she wanted BM to know too...FH and BM have been divorced for 6 friggin' years...(the girls are soon to be 7 and one is 9...)
My main thing is here...she is very, intrusive. And I find it very disrespectful that nothing is ever run by us. Or their father alone. And to begin with...FMIL has no appreciation for the things I do alone. She acts like I am just their nanny or something...I just keep saying...just a few more months...and we will be out...but what can I do NOW to try to get this woman to respect us? She is super illogical and BLOWS up - one time she flipped and threw the kichen table! SHE IS INSANE. Do I just shrug this off until we get out? Do I lock myself in the bedroom? And FH keeps telling BM no contact with her mother...especially if it's about something he should know...because he is their father.
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I have had a horrible MIL
I have had a horrible MIL before and I know how you feel. I thought moving 2 hours away would make a difference ,but it never did. My advice is to say something now. She seems to have a pretty strong personality so good luck with that. Has your husband said anything to her? I would have him talk to her first, and then if things don't improve then you say something. The problem I had in my first marriage with my MIL was that my ex wouldn't defend me and didn't see anything wrong with her actions. And your MIL has no place talking to his ex. I had the problem of my MIL trying to turn my own mother against me while we were going through the divorce. it didn't work,but I had to put my foot down and tell that grown woman to stop calling my mother on me lol.
i had this same problem (mil
i had this same problem (mil still in constant contact with bm and waay over indulgent with skids). you can't do a whole lot while living in her house. the next step would be when she takes the kids on, let her. keep your visitation, but take no responsibility when she has the children. your dh has to set some rules with his mom. her influence ends at your door. she should never be privvy as to what's going on in your and your husband's life because bm will know all. so, she will no longer have a "close" relationship with her own son. you cannot control how much contact she has with bm, but you can control you and your dh's actions. next, if you have a shared parenting plan, your dh is entitled to school records, medical records, etc. he can enforce the order. i've had to set MANY boundaries with my mil and we have a good relationship now. she acknowledges that my dh is the boys' parent. but he used to give her free reign to do whatever she wanted. she doesn't like it, but she loves her son enough to know where her influence ends now. good luck. never easy.
This here is what is
This here is what is scary...."Then you came along. She just got her son back, and you took him away from her. And in her eyes, you are trying to take her place."
Take her place. This is exactly why she is a sick, sick woman. I am his partner...The last thing I want is to be his mother.
hahah- FSIL's HATE this woman. They don't come around. One of them went through the same thing I am now....she really just says stay away after you get the apartment. I don't want to keep the kids away from their grandmother completely...however...this woman IS toxic.
...love the dog whisperer advice...she is a dog. hahaha
SA, very well said!! sounds
SA, very well said!! sounds a hell of a lot like my mil..
Stand up to her. I had to do
Stand up to her. I had to do it with my MIL from my first marriage. It was better after that. It was a while before we could speak, but she learned her place in our lives. She stopped meddling and it became a really nice relationship...
Also, you need to get the hell out of her house so you are on even ground.