I SAY ELOPE!!!!! ... i eloped! IT WAS THE BEST THING I EVER DID! didnt have to lose wieght for my wedding (vommmmitttt) didnt have to get paranoid about looking like a fool on my wedding day or kissing people on the cheeck that i didnt want there...

So i say elope but i guess some women have the right to their princess wedding...

DO YOUR PRINCESS WEDDING THE WAY YOU WANT... lay down the rules... if he really wants to marry you... he will agree... and compromise!

Is your concern with the wedding or the long term implications of the committment to all that comes with stephood?

I don't mind being perpetually engaged and there are days that I'd like to marry FDH. However, when the logical side of me kicks in I practically have a panic attack thinking about being trapped forever in world of "what ifs" with three kids involved. Frankly, most days what keeps me in this relationship is that I don't HAVE to be in it. But, that's just me. Both FDH and I have a history of failed marriages so we understand the reticence and try not to take it personally. I think he would prefer the security of marriage but that's the very aspect that scares the crap out of me. So, we're perpetually enaged and okay with it.

I tried to post a comment when you first posted this but it kept saying the website was down... Sooo here it goes... Lol. I say you bring it up casually before he proposes... Just be very sweet and say "you know I've been thinking about this a lot lately... You are my bestfriend and I love you more than anything. I would love to spend my life with you. But.... I have been reading up a lot on ppl who just rushed into getting married before resolving their issues and they have a ??% higher divorce rate and did you know that getting married when its a blended family already poses a ??% higher divorce rate as it is? Divorce scares me. To think that if we got married and the thought that you or I may fail one another and end up getting divorced terrified me. So I have been doing some research on somethings that can help us stand a better chance of a successful marriage that should be done prior to getting married. The first thing it says we need to do in a blended family is make sure we are on the same page with the SKids, their disapline, the standards we will set for them, what role you wish for me to play down to the last detail and what I am willing to do and sacrifice for your children. The next thing is the boundaries we will need to set for BM. What I am comfortable with, what I expect you to do if this or that situation arises and if you are ok and willing to do these things. Then it says we need to talk about finances. If we will have a joint account, how much of the bills each of us should pay, if I'm ok with you spending X amount on skids and if you are ok with it, the financial boundaries we both expect for BM and SKids, if you are going to put me first above the BM and inlaws. Make me an equal, enforce SKids and BM to respect me, not allow SKids and BM to think they are my equal, skid is a child and not an equal to an adult and BM is the ex not an equal to a potential wife, then talk about other concerns. You can Google how to make a blended family work from the beginning. Then tell him that after we comprise and come to agreements we are comfortable with, that it says inorder to make sure the blended family stands a chance that you must give it a trial period to make sure the agreement is actually being put into action. After a few months of seeing both of your decisions in action, if you feel things are going great and both of you are happier in this blended family and it is finally working better than you ever imagined.... Then it may just be the perfect time to hear those magical words... "I do." Lol. That should not only buy you time, but it will let him know if he wants to marry you, that he is going to have to work at it and if you do it this way then everything gets worked out and talked about before that ring goes on your finger. Wish I would've done this. Here I am 5yrs later and wondering why in the Hell we never discussed these things and got on the same page before tying the knot. Best of luck.

Ive been engaged for 2 years now. No plans of marriage for quite a few years, if then. We will see how it goes with all this skid stuff. We just recently got a new "schedule" that allows me and my bios much needed breaks and also allows me and my fianceé time together.
when i do decide to marry, we will elope.

Oh and for the record, i know inmy other posts i say dh, and ss, and all that. Its just easier to type out. LOL

I've been live in with GG (biodad) for over eight years now. Since then I"ve learned:

1. GG wants to get married to get half of the house that is in my name only

2. GG has not a pot to pee in nor a window to throw it out of since the divorce and CS

3. GG wants to get married to get on my health insurance

4. GG wants me to get life insurance on myself so he can be the beneficiary should something "happen" to me.

5. GG has shown his true colours with undying loyalty to the Behemoth (BM) and her family; often resorting to violent behaviour when we get into it about his "former family"

6. GG has no problems with people referring to the Behemoth as "his wife" instead of his EX wife" She's remarried and all he could say is "the Behemoth re married TOO SOON"

7. GG takes my income for granted as his own income after CS and taxes wouldn't be enough to live in a cardboard box.

8. NYS is unsually pro-BM therefore in a twinkling of an eye a judge could consider MY income if we were to get married for CS purposes; the Behemoth is already getting half of GG's net income as it is. He has 13 more years to go until the last one reaches 21 (21 is mandatory in NYS not 18)

I'd go with my gut if I were you. As you can see from the above list, there is no reason on earth why I"d get married to GG anytime soon.