I went to my first therapy session today. I have taken the advice of several on this website and sought therapy. I know that it won't be an overnight fix but I'm certainly glad that I decided to give it a try. I understand that I have issues and the therapist helped shed some light on why SD is acting the way she does. For example, she (SD) sees that I have a relationship with my BKs that she doesn't have with her mother. I know her mother and trust me, she doesn't have that type of relationship with her. Hhhmmm that was food for thought. I hadn't even realized that she could be possibly feeling hurt that she too doesn't have that relationship with her mother so she acts out. The therapist also told me that SD is acting out as a release because she doesn't get the same family values from BM's house as she gets from our house. Once again, it had never occured to me. She also told me of course, as everyone here has already told me, that DH is disciplining (or lack there of) out of guilt. She did tell me that I have a lot of built up anger and needed a release for that. I already knew that to a degree....just didn't know what to do to get rid of it. That one I will most definitely be working on. I also have a very hard time of "detaching" as sweet Anne has suggested....once again...I'll be working on that little trick.
Most of all....it just felt really good to say "I hate SD" and not be judged but to actually find out it's a very normal feeling for SM's to have. I'll be working on that too....

All in all I think today went really well and I'm actually looking forward to my next visit with her. I know it's going to be a long hard road but DH has agreed to go with me and help US get through this. Maybe all isn't lost and we can salvage this. Maybe I'll actually get along with and even like my SD again! (miracles can happen)

Thanks for letting me get that off of my chest.