Violence Contract

Dear Dh,
You know how much this topic is driving me insane so I hope to be able to draw up a contract on how we will deal with violence between Sd and Biobaby if it is too occur. With this contract I can put aside my fears and know that we have a plan in place to deal with this situation if it happens.

1. If Sd hurts our child in any manner, this includes;
Hitting, throwing objects, pulling hair, biting, pushing and any other action that can cause pain, also any malicious act such as taking the bottle or soother away from the baby;
Sd will go for an automatic time out. This time out will start when she stops screaming and end when the decided time is finished (one minute per year of age). If throwing is involved and the object thrown is Sd's the object will go in the garbage with Sd witnessing this. Sd will then get a talking to about violence (or making the baby upset by taking its things). When she apologizes to us and the baby then she can resume her activities.

2. If sd returns to her activities after being corrected for the above actions, and decides to repeat the action or similar action;
Sd will recieve the above punishment and will be asked to stay out of whatever room the baby is in for the rest of the day. If throwing an object is the action, all objects similar to that thrown will be taken away for the remainder of her visit.

3. If the above steps have been taken and Sd refuses to stay out of the room, or sneaks back in;
Sd will go for the age appropriate time out while we call Bm to come pick up Sd.

Ok so what do you guys think? Is this too harsh? Am I forgetting something? Should I word anything differently?

Thetis's blog
Log in or register to post comments

Comments

I think it makes perfect

I think it makes perfect sense. I can't think of anything to add at the moment.

Thetis, this all looks

Thetis, this all looks appropriate. I think you may want to add something at the bottom saying that the punishments noted are fair and appropriate punishments for siblings "hurting" or "disrespecting" each other.

Don't forget that SD is the baby's sibling - even if it's half, right?

The behavior you are describing sounds like normal kid behavior between a baby and a sibling. To me, I think you need to show DH that you can appreciate that those may be normal "sibling behaviors" that deserve "normal consequences."

This shouldn't be a "step" issue...It's what people run into when they bring new babies into the house!

If DH doesn't feel like it is a "Your daughter" vs. "Our daughter" situation, I think he'll be more amenable to what you would like to implement.

*** A rainbow just threw up on me... and now I'm sh*tting glitter! ***

Good points. This is all

Good points. This is all jumping the gun alittle bit. I'm only half way done the pregnancy, but Sd has said things to make me afraid that she will hurt the baby so I just want to make sure we have talked about how it will be dealt with IF it happens.
Sd has been showing some disturbing (to DH) behavior shifts that we did not talk about before and he has been really stressed out trying to figure out how to deal with them on the fly. I don't want him to ask me infront of Sd what he should do because in the past (when we had her more) I was the primary disciplinarian and Sd had stopped listening to him, because he wasn't in charge. I want to help him feel like he knows what he is doing, and I want her to see that the rules are the rules even if it is Daddy implementing them.

I agree but Bm is very

I agree but Bm is very anti-spanking and anti-rules, so I could see her causing trouble if this becomes the corrective measure. Sd has only been spanked once, and that was this weekend. Dh just can't deal with her attitude anymore. I applauded him, even though he was ready to cry, and told him he's doing the best he can.

Ohhh but they aren't

Ohhh but they aren't demons!!! Everyone just expects too much from them? What normal 3 1/2 year old actually uses the potty anyways? And abusing animals, isn't that a child's right? And what normal little girl doesn't need make up on to go to a birthday party?
(Extreme sarcasm fyi)

I would say this is harsh

I would say this is harsh and you are jumping the gun, unless your SD shows extreme signs of mental illness.

I think you need to relax and stop being a worry wart at this early stage of the game. Most of those issues that you described are just sibling/kid issues. You are going to drive yourself insane and you will end up nit picking everything your SD does, because you have spent so much time thinking about how bad it is going to be.

I also strongly disagree with any parent taking the child to the other parent because they can not control/parent the kid. JMHO…have your DH parent the child instead of taking child back to BM to parent.

I think you need to relax

I agree and I am starting councilling on Thursday to deal with these issues.

This is meant to be a worse case scenario action. I do not agree with Sd going back to Bm either, however if she develops harmful behaviors towards the baby I think the baby should be protected.

I think it sounds like a

I think it sounds like a good plan.

I've always wanted to adopt and back when things were decent with FW and I we talked about it, but I didn't know if it would cause problems with the skids especially SS6. It's a good idea though

You are here

Comments