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Saying Mama

texaswonder028's picture

Submitted by texaswonder028 on Mon, 06/25/2007 - 2:39pm

How do you keep a 9 month old from calling me Mama? My BF and I have had his son every weekend since he was 2 weeks old. I am very close to his son. In the past 2 month I have developed a working relationship with the baby's mother. This is working out very well for the most part. During this time, while his son is growing, and starting to talk, SS has said "mama" on rare occasions. What few times SS has said this I have always corrected him with "dada". I have never encouraged this from SS, nor do I want to cause conflict from SS calling me this.
Well this past Thursday, I picked SS up from 6 - 8 pm. I took SS home to see his daddy and we played with him and fed him.... well SS was getting sleepy and a little fussy, by now it is time for SS to go home. So on the way over thereSS falls asleep. When I get to his BM house I get SS out. BM is out there waiting in the driveway so I hand SS to her. The baby gave me the weirdest look, by this time SS wants to get down to play in the rocks. BM stands out there talking about really nothing. When she picks SS up to go inside... SS puts his arms out and says "mama mama mama" looking straight at me. She was stunned and tried to push his arms down. SS kept saying it. I just said "bye bye" and SS started saying "bye bye" to me instead. When I got home, BF thought it was priceless. Priceless, maybe, but not cool.... I told him SS has a mommy and SS needs to call her that not me. I think it will cause many conflicts, and it is not worth it.
So ladies and input? I don't really know what to say to SS.... like SS will understand (he's 9 month) but you know what I mean. Do any of you have nicknames that are easy for babies to learn that are not offensive? I appreciate all of your input.
Thanks,
Kim

Comments

goingcrazy's picture

Submitted by goingcrazy on Mon, 06/25/2007 - 7:32pm

I waited two years to hear SD call me mommy. Be glad that your SS understands that you are a mom, his second mom. Maybe refer to yourself as Mama (then your name). My SD calls me mommy and her bio mom is mama _______. Funny, but it works well. You deserve to have that title. Just because that baby didn't grow inside you doesn't make you any less worthy. BM will get used to it.

Dawn-Moderator's picture

Submitted by Dawn-Moderator on Tue, 06/26/2007 - 10:33am

that since he is so young, you can't help what he is calling you. You are mothering him. When he looks up and sees the person mothering him and it's you, he calls you mama. He is too young to understand the situation that he is in.

Just figure out what you want to be called and as he gets older you can introduce that to him. Also, as he gets older he will understand the situation better and know who is who. It will all work out. It's not your fault. Keep doing what you're doing.

Dawn

Imustbcrazy's picture

Submitted by Imustbcrazy on Tue, 06/26/2007 - 12:02pm

You have been the "motherly role" since 2 weeks old? There is NO way he knows any different. If BM doesn't understand that, then she is an idiot. I would say as he gets older if BM has a problem with this, then work an nickname or your first name into, you can start it now, like Vickie said, make light of it and replace it with whatever it is you want him to call you. My SS calls me mommy occassionally. It makes me feel good, but I have to put myself in BM's shoes at that point (as tacky and ugly as her shoes may be) and think how would I feel if my girls calles someone else mommy. SS calls me Feeta (don't know where that came from) but it works, he is the only one that calls me that and it is a replacement for mommy. Makes me feel just as good inside. When he is upset he will call my by my first name, when he is being punished. BM is much more comfortable with this. It took some time to transit~ he would ask "you are my mommy?" answered with a smile "no honey, I am your Feeta". It will all come with time. I would not worry about it too much.

Daddys Gurl-

Life is as sweet as you sweeten it.

southernshellgirl's picture

Submitted by southernshellgirl on Sat, 09/22/2007 - 11:33am

My husband and I tried the nick name thing too, but SD was very young and started calling me "MA" regardless. We let it go and because that's how she identified me my DH started calling me that too. BM did not like it at first but my DH explained it was of SD's own doing and now even BM refers to me as Ma whenever SD is around. Of course when she's mad at DH she calls me "YOUR WIFE!" ha, ha! I think if you and BM have been doing well so far she may be able to allow it the way our BM has. Here's hoping it works out with whatever you are comfortable with.
Two roads diverged in a yellow wood, and I---
I took the one less traveled by,
and that made all the difference. -Robert Frost-

Chocoholic's picture

Submitted by Chocoholic on Sat, 09/22/2007 - 12:36pm

I have a strong opinion on this one.... I don't think any child should be forced to call his step mom "MOM"; IE. my bio son is told that he has to call his stepmom "mom" and he hates it!

On the other hand if the child starts calling you mom and you are loving this child like a mother loves her child then let him call you mom! You are his mom!
My 2 year old ss and 7 year old sd call me mom.... I met my ss when he was 9 months and he is my baby.... I treat him as my own and I love him as my own and so he naturally began calling me mom.... of course bb flipped because she is not secure....

My daughter (the product of my ex hubby.... not the same dad as my son) has the most awesome stepmom (its actually her dad's girlfriend) but I call her my daughter's 'other mom'.... anyway, this woman is there for my daughter when I am not... she loves my daughter as her own and I am truly grateful for her presence in my daughter's (and my ex's life).... therefore I have absolutely no problem with my daughter calling her 'mom'.... Oddly enough though, my daughter calls her by her first name and I'm the one that calles her the 'other mom!"
I love this woman so much because I have dealt with the worst of the worst in my son's stepmom and if this woman was anything like my son's stepmom I would have a problem with it.... fortunately this is a classy, secure, lovely lady who puts the kids first. When I refer to her I call her my daughter's 'other mom' because that is what she is!

Besides, as the child grows he will learn the dynamics and he'll get it.... kids are not stupid and he is not going to be confused about whos who.

southernshellgirl's picture

Submitted by southernshellgirl on Sat, 09/22/2007 - 5:59pm

Good for you Chocohloic! I am so pleased to hear someone say nice things about a step-mom. You are truely an awesome mom to see so clearly and be able to appreciate another woman in your daughter's life. Your children are very lucky to have you for a mom, bio and step! Smile

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood, and I---
I took the one less traveled by,
and that made all the difference. -Robert Frost-