Feeling like my marriage is on shaky ground because of Step sons
My dear wife told me last week , as I entered in my blog , that we would talk to oldest skid and set up a timeline for him to move out. She was hesitant about next spring but she agreed. On Friday she said we'd talk to him over the weekend.
Over the weekend I asked her two or three times when are we going to talk to SS about his independence. She replied yes we will. Well we had a number of opportunities. He was home getting high and watching his cartoons for a good part of the weekend. But she failed to initiate the conversation.
She plays this game. She'll put it off and put it off, leaving me to "nag" about it. Making me feel like a pain in the ass. After a few more days of this we will have the inevitable "fight about the boys " that we've always had.Putting another nail in the coffin of our marriage.
The SS's are the only thing we have ever argued about in all the years we've been married.Aside from arguing about the skids , we've had a terrific marriage. We've accomplished a great deal as a couple and we've come a long way.
But today for the first time in a while I can see how she really doesn't respect me anymore.
Over the past few weekends in my spare time I have been working something to decorate the living area. I surprised her this past weekend with it. She said at first it was nice and said thank you. That was on the weekend. Just last night she said she wanted it put out of view and she didnt like it. I think one of the skids said they dont like it and wanted it put out of view.
The gift was a real tribute to her and it has been ruined by the skids.
I have put a lot into my marriage and I don't want it to end. We are at the stage in life close to when the skids leave the nest and we can have a lot less stress and disharmony in our home. I hav'nt come this far to through it all away.
Any advice will be apreciated.
-swimming in gratitude
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Comments
In your last blog I asked if
In your last blog I asked if you felt closer to her after telling her you wanted boys to move out. The reason I asked is that I expected the answer would be "no" because she gaslighted you and attacked you and so forth.
I know it is very hard to hear and very hard to see but she seems to be buying herself time by telling you she'll do it. I hope you are keeping a close eye on your joint accounts and so forth. She may be getting her own ducks in a row but not for the purpose you were hoping for.
I've read a few of your blogs
I've read a few of your blogs and I have to say that the demise of this marriage may not be so bad for you. Granted emotionally the end of your marriage is painful but I have a feeling that you may eventually feel as though a huge burden has been lifted from your shoulders. On the flip side of that, I really don't like to see marriages end especially when you've invested so much into it...but there you are, how much has your wife invested in your marriage? I know the women on this board speak of those men who marry just to find someone who will take care of their kids...I believe some women do this as well.
As far as your present situation, will your wife stand unified with when (you need to insist of having this talk) you speak to OSS? Or will she end of sitting there like the move out idea is all yours? To me this would be very telling and if she falters on this, than that would be the final straw for me.
I'd say "I'm going to go talk
I'd say "I'm going to go talk to SS now about his independence. You coming?" And then go do it. No fighting, no arguing, no gas lighting. Just go into the little punks room, and have your chat.
It IS your house, too.