I hate school conferences.
So ex and I always go together to bs' s conferences when ex goes which is hit or miss. I alwAys schedule it around what works for him. What I hate is he takes his freaking sweet time to get back to me and since his new thing is he doesn't always respond or acknowledge my correspondence it sucks. We now have to go on line to sign up and because he needs it later it limits us. I texted again to see what works. If I don't hear by end of the work day I am scheduling what works for me and he can figure it out himself.
He doesn't listen to what bs tells him about school or pays attention at conferences. He just learned bs has been doing multiplication for two years.
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It is shame that you are
It is shame that you are trying so hard to do the right thing and he is being this way. At this point I would let the teacher know that you tried to make the conference with the two of you but it didn't work out. Schedule the conference for just yourself. If anything it will be nice to have one on one time with the teacher to discuss your son.
Just schedule for yourself
Just schedule for yourself and let ex figure out his time. Likely he'll stop going.
This is what I would do too!
This is what I would do too!
For someone who has demanded
For someone who has demanded more time and threatened me with going back to court or wanting custody to enroll b.s. in his school district he takes zero interest in actual school other than to be happy that bs has homework....btw homework doesn't go to his house ever because he has so little time and complained when the older boys did theirs at our home.
SweetT your ex sounds like he
SweetT your ex sounds like he is more interested in making your life miserable than he is in the welfare of his own child.
Just make sure that you have
Just make sure that you have it documented somewhere so that if and when he does take you back to court about school or parenting time, or whatever, it's perfectly clear how involved he has been.
Set it up for your
Set it up for your convenience. If he makes it great if not, he can make his own. And that is what I would send him. “Dear ex idiot, I made XYZ appointment for this Friday. If you can make it, that would be great, if not, you can call this number to set up your own appointment.”
And stop offering him extra time. If he does take you back to court, he is going to use that. He will say the following.. “Your honor, she offered me all this time, I could never take the extra time due to she always offered, when I was at work, but you can see she was freely offering me time. No reason it should not be in the papers that I get extra time that she has always offered anyway. And if I am such a bad guy, why does she offer me extra time.”
I only do the joint
I only do the joint conference because if he did one alone, God only knows what lies he would tell the teacher. He will not do that in front of me.
As to the time outside our limited co, I offered a solution outside of what he could possibly get if he really pushed things. I try hard to not set any precedent like your suggesting because I realize that. It is such a tough line to walk between in reasonable bitc7 and person dealing with a mental case.
Thankfully bs10 is pretty self reliant and I trust him over his Dad.
We have the opposite problem,
We have the opposite problem, BM schedules conferences when she knows DH can't go or refuses to give him any information on when the conferences are. DH was only able to go to conferences the last few times because I now follow the school on FB and regularly visit the school site to find out when conferences are scheduled, so I can tell DH when he should email the teachers and request a time.
It is smart to follow the
It is smart to follow the school and pto if you want to be in the know regardless of a blended situation or not. I think it makes for more mindful conversations with the kids. It gives you the chance to ask about what is going on in their world.
I agree on that. I make sure
I agree on that. I make sure that both DH and I comment on things that are going on at the school, so that SSs know we are paying attention. This week we sat down with them and went over their grades online through DH's parent portal account. They both regularly have missing assignments and this year, their teachers include that information online, so that's helpful.
Our problem is that if something goes home in the backpack, we never see it. The only notice he gets about school conferences is when I see a Facebook posting that they're coming up or when we see the school calendar online. He doesn't get the specific request for time preferences.
BM likes to hide school info, especially when SSs aren't doing well. This is a direct quote from her sharing school information. "I looked at both boys report cards and they both did better than last term. Just sharing with you since you wanted school information." No picture of the report card, no mention of what better meant, nothing. DH asked three or four times for report cards to be sent to him and the school had the correct address, but in that time, we got a copy of one report card for one child. When DH says something to BM about missing assignments, she tells him he's only saying that to be mean to her and tells him he should do more patting his kids on the back for working hard and less time criticizing them.
It's frustrating, because she's the CP, so we can only do so much to convince the kids they need to work hard when she's telling them that they don't need to. Also, one SS thinks that a A in PE should be enough to counteract a D in a core course and gets all upset and dramatic when DH doesn't give him credit for his A in gym.
Your husband, if he doesn’t
Your husband, if he doesn’t already, should be contacting the school and dealing with them directly. Ask them to mail him a report card or if he can go in and pick one up. Ask the teacher when they will be allocating time slots for conferences or, if he misses it, work with the teacher to find a time that he can meet them to discuss his kid.
I think men have this thing were they think thay they cannot go around their ex and just deal with the school directly. I am currently advocating for this in my house but feel like he is not going to do anything about it. I don’t know why he thinks he is going to get accurate information relying on his ex.
He made at least three
He made at least three requests to the school - two in person - for his own copy of the report card. Several times they told him they sent them out, but in that time, we got one report card for one child.
He doesn't go through BM for anything because she doesn't provide anything. For her, keeping all the school information is all about control.
Now, DH just goes to the school for info or talks to his kids directly about their school work. He's tried to work with BM and she always makes it into a battle, usually about her, not the kids.
Our decree specifically says
Our decree specifically says each party is responsible for their own communication with the school. It is not my responsibility to inform him, but it is just easier.
I hate the man a lot...have good reason to, but I love my kid more.
I always had separate
I always had separate conferences so that I wouldn’t have to deal with this problem.
Plenty of teachers understand that kids have multiple households.
Do yourself a favor-schedule a conference that is convenient for you and let him figure out his.
I would love to do that,
I would love to do that, however he is famous for not showing up at the last minute and for telling lies about me to anyone who will listen. He won't do it infron t of me. He will only act like he is involved and be the authority. I know it is stupid but I don't want him telling lies about me to our son's teacher.
I am involved in the PTO and do field trips and fundraising at school because our school is very diverse considering where we are at and they need it. I just don't want to be those people and spew dysfunction everywhere. He will do that if given the opportunity, I don't and want it to stay that way.