Another band post.
Well we had meet the teacher and drop off our school supplies last night. In our packet to take home one of the items is the info on 5th grade band. It is optional and there is a parent meeting where the will go over the requirements and commitment factor and asses the kids and instruments.
Now in our district it says the school has some free instruments for the kids that get free or reduced lunches. They say most rentals are between 30 and 50 a month.
Both bs' s older brothers were in orchestra and band. My ex never was asked to contribute to any instruments and one plays two different races.
Bs wants to play the trumpet. He is pretty set on it. My brother played and my mom still has his and said she will have my brother oil it up and see if it is good enough otherwise we will rent one.
Now my post is different because I am curious if people think I should discuss with ex if he is okay with it. It doesn't affect him at all because he only has eoweekend visitation and holidays. He does not see bs during the week. I Do all school responsibilities and will be the one making sure he practices ect... to be honest I would rather not have to attend any pre parent meeting with him because he loves to act like he is in charge and is over bearing because he knows I will not make a scene and will just take his crap in public.
I am thinking of just letting bs tell him.he is doing it.
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I don't think you need to
I don't think you need to discuss it with him, but I think you need to inform him and not pit BS in the middle.
"Hey Ex,BS plans on playing the trumpet this year in band. I have the instrument figured out, but there is a parent meeting about band next Tuesday at 6 if you want to know more."
Agree with the above. And you
Agree with the above. And you can find good used trumpets on Ebay (or Bflat cornet). I bought my son a nice used Bach trumpet for what would have cost 2 months of rentals.
Yeah, BS can tell his father.
Yeah, BS can tell his father. As long it none of it affects Dad's time or financial commitment no need to pre-discuss. Unless you believe Dad might take some interest in being involved (which I don't think will be the case with your ex).
The few 'concerts' BS will have in 5th grade, I'm sure you're good with BS inviting his father to attend (not that he'll likely come). I think our 5th grade band has a takes part in the grade school Winter Holiday program and does a Spring Concert and plays at our Thanksgiving luncheon the grade school does for grandparents and senior citizens. All things during the regular school week.
Trumpet sounds like a fun choice for BS (just maybe buy some earplugs for those first few weeks of practice
)
I don't think you need to
I don't think you need to inform Dad-your son can do that.
Like you said, it doesn't affect his parenting time in anyway and you're not asking him to help out with any costs.
I think you're doing fine
I would simply drop him an
I would simply drop him an email stating BS wants to play the trumpet and you agreed, seeing it will not be a bother to him... simply information,
what would happen if he knows nothing and BS has to go away on his week-end for band... you know... one time in band camp...
If you are not asking your EX
If you are not asking your EX to pay for or to be on the hook for rides or to potentially miss visitation as a result of this activity. ie. The activity is all on your time and dime.... I don't think you necessarily have to pre-inform him and have him at that meeting. The meeting is for parents who will be required to get their kids to practices and provide other support that your EX won't have to do (on your time, on your dime).
I think it's fine for the kid to just mention that he is going to play trumpet in band. It's not like this is an activity with some perceived high risk to a child like tackle football or some other activity that a bioparent might have a problem with him participating.
No reason for your ex to be
No reason for your ex to be asked if he is okay with it or for him to be at the meeting, since this will not involve him or affect him. And, seeing how he's mentally ill and controlling, there's no telling what he will do or how he will act at the meeting.
If your BS wants his dad to know that he's in band, he can tell him.
I understand some saying that you should inform your ex, however, sometimes things have to be handled differently when dealing with the mentally ill.
I think of this in the vein
I think of this in the vein of you aren't going to inform your EX of every little thing in a kid's life. Unless this activity impinges in his time or would be something that would logically be something that the other parent could have a strong opinion of.. or is in some way putting the kid at risk. You don't have to tell him.
You don't have to tell your EX what homework your kid got every day. You don't have to tell him that the kid is signing up for 19th century literature vs Existentialism in the modern day.
I guess I should have read
I guess I should have read more about the XH before I commented since I'm viewing this more from my DH's view, which is BM used to rarely tell him anything school-related and the schools were awful about posting info on their website or sending info to NCPs. DH and BM have joint legal custody, so he has as much right to the info as her, but it was like pulling teeth in elementary school to get ANY info.
Basically, DH wanted to be involved, but it was difficult to get the school to remember him. He did rely on BM to tell him things. The SSs are in orchestra, and they have to practice on weekends at our house, they have camps and competitions on DH's weekends (not many, but a few), and they have concerts on non-DH time that they want him to go to. It's good to at least have a heads up that it's happening so DH doesn't get blindsided by all these things.
HOWEVER, if OP's ex will truly have zero involvement (e.g. no camps, no weekend practices, no contribution whatsoever), then I could see BS just telling his dad about the class the same he would gym, math, or social studies if dad is NEVER involved.
Well we brought in my
Well we brought in my brothers trumpet and I am looking at about 200.00 to get it in working condition and it is dinged up a bit. Bs wants really pumped though and likes the fact it is my brothers. I will bring it home with me, my parents live about 3hrs from us and will bring it into Schmitts by our home and see what they say and see what is the better way to go.
We did guitar lessons a few years ago and he did not stick with it so I am not shelling out money for him to not play. Since it is through school he should be a little more into it.
My husband bought himself a guitar while we were there....he will be staying home when I go in.