The system blows tail
I read a comment that I believe was posted in reply to someone's blog yesterday, about how judges get pissed off with pro se litigants. It struck a nerve with me personally because when DH was in & out of court with BM trying to get her to comply with the visitation order he went pro se. With the housing market in the dumps his income suffers. With CS coming out every week it suffers even more. We spoke with the lawyer he had through their divorce & his reply was, "BM is clearly going against what the judge ordered. All you need to do is prove it." We took calendars & BM admitted that she wasn't complying. Of course, she had a lawyer there. The judge gave her another chance. She still refused to comply. We went back to court again. She brings up something about DH having anger issues. The judge ordered them BOTH to parenting class & ordered that BM was to comply with the standing visitation order. She still didn't. Of course, everytime DH requests a court date to go back because he's not seeing his kids the earliest date he can get is 9 months away. Then, her lawyer requests a continuance, so it's off another 2-3 months...all the while, DH STILL is not able to see his kids.
When I read the comment yesterday about how judges get irritated & often rule against someone because they present pro se it seriously pissed me off. I'm not a fan of the system anyway, just because of the experiences we've had. To hear someone mention that the judge possibly supported BM because BM (actually her mom) paid to have an attorney fight her battles for her...??? It topped it all off.
The priority of the family court system CLAIMS to be about "the best interest of the child". The lawyers CLAIM to be about "the best interest of the child". The judges CLAIM to be about the "best interest of the child". Everyone preaches to the parents about making their priorities the "best interest of the child".
What does whether a parent presents pro se or with an attorney have to do with what's in the best interest of the child??? The judge doesn't want to have to deal with an inexperienced pro se litigant so he rules in favor of the parent who refuses to work & doesn't support her own children but whose mother has the money to fund a lawyer? If it truly was about finding in the best interest of the child, wouldn't you think a judge would pull his head out of his ass just enough to take note that the pro se parent is funding his children. He pays the ordered support on time EVERY single week. He doesn't skip payments because BM won't allow him to see his children or talk to them on the phone. He doesn't go in with made up stories to get her in trouble. He hasn't shoved money in the pocket of lawyer to come out on top. He isn't asking for BM to go to jail or for her to have to pay fines or worthless parenting classes. Just to see his kids...he JUST wants to see his kids. And a judge will push him off to give BM chance-after-chance-after-chance until he can finally rule that the kids are old enough to decide because he chose to pay his child support instead of a lawyer??? Sadly, in this whole mob of people who CLAIM to be ALL about the children, the ONE who honestly had the children's best interest at heart was discarded by EVERY other person involved...because he went to court & simply told the truth.
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I so understand. We were
I so understand. We were Pro-se the last time we went also, and pretty much the same thing happened. We won a few things, but DH was ordered to go to therapy also when HE WASNT THE ONE WITH THE PROBLEM. He has seen SK's maybe 4 times in two years, and the judge, I swear, had it written that DH and BM were ordered to "forgive each other" and "begin anew". What a crock of crap. Of course, after the order last December, we have seen SD twice. DH attended therapy, no one else has. So I guess they will have to order him to "forgive" her again. That is why we just said screw it. We are taking her back next year-SD will be 15 and CS can be modified every 3 years, and we are already paying too much so we will do it one more time and have done with it. Then she will be 18 and we are finished.
DH will done paying on SS17
DH will done paying on SS17 in July. We were JUST talking about it yesterday. We need to pull his court file & re-read the support order. I'm pretty sure it said he has to go back to court to have the support discontinued when the child is "of age". He seems to think he just needs to file something with the court & have them notify BM that he's done paying on SS when the time comes. I don't he can do that, though, because there has to be an amount set for him to keep paying on SD when SS comes off. DH said it just gets cut in half. My thought is a new order will need to be made that states an amount for DH to pay on SD alone. We'll look it over & consult with a lawyer. I assume they'll look at his pay info again which has been worse this year than it was when the current order was made. Hopefully it'll come down to less than 1/2 of what he's paying now.
My DH is done paying for SD17
My DH is done paying for SD17 in July also. I guess I haven't thought far enough ahead to think about what he needs to do or what happens when he is just paying support for SSstb16.
We had to go back when SS was
We had to go back when SS was about to turn 18 and have the amount set-you are right, it doesn't just get cut in half. In Florida they just passed a new child support law that is MUCH better for non custodial parents, so we hope that helps us next year also.
Among other things, it states that if there is more than one child, an amount has to be set in the order for that the second childs' support will be when the first childs support falls off, and also a termination date for the first child-
this eliminates having to go back to court one last time right before they turn 18 like we have to now.
I'm in Florida too. FH and I
I'm in Florida too. FH and I have met with an atty and we are getting the CS modified before the end of the year. It will be based on this new statue. Because if not, he would have to go back to court for each child. Crazy!
You know they decreased the
You know they decreased the number of overnights and it comes out in non-custodials favor? that part was awesome. Very surprised by that.
LOVE Judge Judy! "I'm the
LOVE Judge Judy! "I'm the boss, applesauce!". LOL!
The whole system is loaded with hypocrites. They say one thing & just do whatever they feel like doing...whatever will make the day pass quicker.
I can't say every member is crooked, but I feel very comfortable in saying that the bulk of them are slack-assed crooks who likely have 23 children strewn about the county by 21 different women & have worked through loopholes of some kind to avoid paying their own child support.
Snickers you hit the nail on
Snickers you hit the nail on the head. Judges just don't want to get involved. NOR do any of these others who are appointed to your case without any say by you.
NOBODY does, all they care about is making their Wallets Thicker, This is such a joke. I mean it's supposed to be about the childrens best interest. Not making the lawyers richer. The ILLINOIS court system sucks big time. I've even been tempted to write the Judge and Child Rep, to tell them what a bang up job they did. My SD13 is going out with a kid 17 years old, driving around in cars. Her MOM doesn't give a rats azz. She's gonna end up on our doorstep with a baby in tow. I'm sure of it. This BM is such a prize she wouldn't even let my sk's attend my Mom's funeral mass or service.
Then when a Father (most of the time) generates the balls to face a Judge, and Lawyer for the best interest of his Children, he's belittled for his lack of knowledge. NOBODY gives him credit for taking the stance.
All you can do is hope that one day the kids will see the truth.
"She's gonna end up on our
"She's gonna end up on our doorstep with a baby in tow."
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BM used to tell DH skids didn't want to come because SS's (14 at the time) girlfriend was spending the night. I truly believe that BM will be thrilled to see SD14 knocked up just as soon as it happens. Who doesn't just love to play house???
She gives no consideration to what her lack of morals & values does to her children & their lives in the future.
I have a SD14 too-and I will
I have a SD14 too-and I will be EXTREMELY surprised if she makes it through high school without getting pregnant. Extremely surprised.
Under what circumstance would a just turned 14 year old be posting pictures of herself on Facebook wearing her boyfriends' pajama pants, unless he stayed the night with her???
I mean, do you think he brought them to school and gave them to her?
I haven't even told DH. It won't do any good.
I don't understand how they
I don't understand how they can carry it to 21. In an intact family, parents can put their kids out at 18 with no responsibility. Why is it different for kids from divorced families???
Like how some have it written
Like how some have it written into their decree that the OP MUST contribute to college costs. It should just be if you are able to contribute, you should. Not all parents are financially able to contribute to college expenses. My parents couldn't, why should it be mandatory for those from divorced parents, and not for others?
Exactly.
Exactly.
Thank God my FH didn't get
Thank God my FH didn't get hit with the college clause! That would suck!!! Recently, we went to court and got the financial worksheet, it was a mess!!! FH income was over stated by $1400 a month, BM expenses were inflated to such a ridiculous level I can't believe a judge didn't see thru it, and FH expenses were virtually zero in all categories. It made me sick!! I wanted to cry!!! I couldn't believe that someone (bm and both atty's and the system) would do this to him.
Though he and BM make approximately the same income FH makes more, by $2500 difference he pays 60% of everything!!! I would think it would be 50/50. And the CS well from the time he told me what it was I said that so not right.
The system sucks!!!
We won't have another day in
We won't have another day in court, I don't guess...until DH goes in July to have SS taken off CS. The judge has already determined that the kids are old enough to decide whether or not they wish to participate in visitation. That was 1 1/2 years ago. We haven't seen them since.
I was told by the police
I was told by the police department that if you have a court order you can call the police each and every time to enforce visitation/custody orders. We are in Illinois.
It must vary state by state.
It must vary state by state. We tried to get the police to help us with it, but they wouldn't touch it. They said we had to go through the court system.