I envy the patience of SAHM's
I'm sitting here at my desk, as I do every M-F from 8-5, enjoying Steptalk & Facebook while taking & making personal phone calls.
I'm thankful for a job where I can pretty much just sit back & relax & do what I want to do. It gets me out of the house & gives me an opportunity to be in the company of other adults. On top of that, I get to bring home a paycheck.
I think about the women who are tied to a house day-after-day with her children crying & whining, complaining about being bored, having to referee arguements over what they'll watch on TV, having to run errands with kids in tow, etc. I don't have that kind of patience.
I'm thankful my mom had that patience. No amount of money could give me what she gave me by taking the time to teach me about life. I'm thankful she didn't leave that to the teachers at school or to daycare providers.
I have not one memory of her laid out on the couch stuffing her face with ice cream while we ran rampant.
I do remember her teaching us how to do laundry & wash dishes. I remember her cleaning the house & canning food. I remember her teaching us how to treat each other with respect instead of arguing & yelling. I remember her teaching us about responsibility.
I remember her being exhausted when we went to bed in the evenings as she was getting the last of the dishes put away from the day. I'm thankful she was willing to put her heart into raising us, & I'm thankful to other SAHM's who raise their children to be respectful & considerate & independent.
Of course, that's not to say that moms who work away from don't raise their children well. I am thankful, though, that my mom & dad were willing to make the sacrifices they made so that we could have her at home with us.
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Comments
damn sab, you sure do have a
damn sab, you sure do have a good memory!
Where is the "love" button
Where is the "love" button when I need one?!
i'm going to have join you
i'm going to have join you all on this one. i can't stand skids in my home without me here (who am i fooling i can't stand them here when i'm here either). i can remember many a times when i worked outside of the home and had to travel on occassion ~ completely freaking out over skids in my home. surprised i don't have more speeding tickets.
sd19's bday is in a couple
sd19's bday is in a couple weeks. i will be leaving with my kids that day and taking the spare key with me when i lock the door behind me. i will be making a copy of the spare so fdh, bd and me all have one and the spare will be no more. i am done with that bitch letting herself into my house when no one is here or we are all in bed. she likes to come over bright and early on her bday with her hand out. not this year. fdh will be sleeping (3rd shift) and i will be gone and the door will be locked. at 20, somebody should not behave that way about their bday anyway!
you had a great mom. my mom
you had a great mom. my mom wasn't a sahm or a working mom. she was a welfare mom. she collected money from the state on mine and my brother's behalf and spent it all on cigarettes and playing bingo. we sat at home with no food and no supervision. even when she was there, she wasn't really there.
i've been both. i worked my ass of all thru bd17's childhood and i felt very guilty that i didn't have more time with her. i was a single mother with no cs, i had to do what i had to do. i was fortunate enough with bs4 to be able to only work the first year, and i was home the last 3. i just went back to work 4 months ago. i know what it's like from both sides. working, you miss your child and you miss out on a lot of the daily stuff that makes up their life. the good thing is that you do get a break where you don't have to listen to whining or crying for no reason and you can talk to adults. being home all day is actually a little harder, imo. there is no break. it's non stop running around. constant messes to clean up. no time for a shower. very tiring. but you do get to be there for all the good stuff, like taking them swimming, teaching them to ride a bick, etc.
there are pros and cons to both sides. it shouldn't be a competition. as long as the child is healthy, happy, and in good hands, there is nothing wrong with doing it either way. people who get all bent out of shape at the other side most likely have issues with their own choices. i'm sorry i had to miss so much of bd's daily life as a child, i'm happy i got to provide her with nice things. i've been stressed out from having bs for days on end with no break, but i'm happy that i get to experience everything with him.
your mom had a full time job
your mom had a full time job AND took care of her children?? novel concept. but not so new, my mom did, too.
i can also:
cook
clean
do laundry
can food
take responsibility
respect others
earn an income
support myself
i guess some people can juggle them both and some can't. and i do think those that do not have to work to help support the household and can be a sahm should be very grateful for the opportunity and not bitch and complain about how hard it is.
ditto, starfish!! Thank
ditto, starfish!!
Thank you!!!!!
No kidding! I've been
No kidding!
I've been both...and was a SAHM for something like 12 years with 4 kids.
Being a SAHM was WAY easier than being a working mom. I never understood the whole "it's just as hard as having a job" line.
Now I do everything I did as a SAHM AND I work 40 hours a week.
i hear you, newwife. my mom
i hear you, newwife. my mom was just plain lazy. when i was a kid, welfare had no expectations of people. if you felt like being a loser who refused to work, you just got welfare. they sent money and food stamps month after month, year after year, and you didn't have to do jack shit. you didn't have to look for a job. my mom sucked that money up and felt it was OWED to her. :jawdrop: we never saw a damn thing. fridge always empty, never got bday parties or got to join our friends for roller skating, etc, because she was always "broke". but somehow she managed to always have pop, cigarettes, gum, and bingo several times a week. :? meanwhile, we were wearing shoes that were falling apart very literally.
yesterday she was talking about how she and my neice will sit in her bed and eat ice cream at night when she babysits. i told my neice "she never did that with us! we were lucky to have hot dogs on white bread!" my mom laughed and said "that's just how the times were". NO. that's just how SHE was. lazy. uncaring. selfish. i can't even tell you how many times there was no food in the house, but there would be mcdonalds bags in the car from her and my sf going to out to eat while we were in school.
i swear i could go on for days. and you're right, no kid should have to live like that when there are options. like JOBS.
We never had a lot of money,
We never had a lot of money, but we did have everything we needed. My dad worked hard but was always home in the evenings.
We didn't get a lot of extras. We didn't go out to eat. We didn't get namebrand clothes. Looking at the way kids are these days, though, I think it served us well. We grew up appreciating everything we do have, & we learned that hard work is worth the effort.
My dad did try working for himself but when it wasn't providing he hung it up.
I get to do both. I work
I get to do both. I work full-time from home where I also take care of our house and raise my child with values. My work is flexible so I do get to spend a good amount of time with DS1, but I am also forced to teach him independence because I can't (and wouldn't anyway) entertain him all day long. He is well-adjusted, friendly, and a good listener. He is also a normal boy and likes to climb and throw things and he is in a major tantrum phase, but I am loving ALL of him. And I love that being with me all day has brough consistency to his life.
What do you do? I've been
What do you do? I've been wracking my brain trying to figure out how I could work from home when I eventually have kids.
i was wondering the same
i was wondering the same thing.
My workload isn't heavy. I
My workload isn't heavy. I sit here & answer my phone when it rings, get my little bit of work done & go home.
I'm signed into STalk & FB from 8-5 each day & carry a paycheck home.
I don't think she's rubbing
I don't think she's rubbing it in at all. She's thankful for her job.
I have a job with lots of free time too. I work in social services. If I'm not meeting with a client, taking them somewhere, doing paperwork, etc., I am supposed to just be around the building in case anyone needs me. That leaves lots of time to be online. I just got done spending 45 minutes playing ping pong with a couple of clients.
I know I am VERY lucky to have such a job where it is usually laid back. I can come and go as I please, I have plenty of free time. As long as I do my job, and am available for my clients when they need me, I can do whatever I want. Once in awhile, when we have a crisis, my job is very difficult and most people wouldn't want it, but most of the time, it's a pretty easy job.
I did go to school for this job. The people who make the least money usually work the hardest, IMO.
No, I wasn't rubbing anything
No, I wasn't rubbing anything in.
I didn't go to school for my job. It was a combination of my previous experience & good timing that got me in.
"I did go to school for this
"I did go to school for this job. The people who make the least money usually work the hardest, IMO."
See, I know social workers who work 60 hour weeks, and are constantly overloaded. If I told them you are a social worker and this is what your day consists of, they would keel over.
I guess it depends on how much responsibility you are given. I know in my company, it can be all over the place. I work very hard, and I made very good money. So I guess I don't get what you are saying-maybe you just don't have a lot of work. I am not sure I would like that either.
I work with people who are
I work with people who are disabled and part of my job is getting them engaging with other folks and the community. So, in my job, getting someone out of their unit they never leave, to have some fun and play some ping pong and interact with others is indeed work. So is outings to the park, picnics, BINGO, bowling, etc. Part of my job is activities.
Well my last job was insane
Well my last job was insane like that too. Huge caseload and I was always busy. Never was done with my work no matter how long I worked. I got burned out after 6 years. I found this one, not always as crazy and a little more pay, so I jumped on it. My life is much more stress free, I can tell you that much. My job ebbs and flows. I can have weeks in a row that are slow and then weeks that are very busy. Too slow for too long gets boring, but too busy too long gets really stressful. I like having the balance instead of all stressful all the time.
As far as my other comment, yes I know there are people who make good money who work their asses off. I also know people in upper management who make really good money who seem to do nothing. I just think there are a lot of people out there who make minimum wage who work their asses off too.
Don't you feel kinda
:jawdrop:
Don't you feel kinda dishonest for taking the company's dollars when you aren't actually working that whole time?
Nope. I'm paid to be here &
Nope. I'm paid to be here & do my job. My supervisor is well-aware of how I spend my days. He's well-aware that my work is slow, but they want me here from 8-5 so that when people need me I'm available. It's worth it to them to pay me to be here, so here I sit.
I know, I am in the same
I know, I am in the same boat. I am in management and it is few and far between that I can spend more than a negligible amount of time on these boards or on the phone.
I guess it depends on what kind of job you have. I have several people reporting to me, and there is barely a spare minute in the day.
I sometimes sit here and miss the days where I had less to do, but I don't miss the lower paycheck that came with it!
so if sahm's produce
so if sahm's produce the:
"the world's next generation of scientists, neurosurgeons , politicians, theologists, teachers, daycare workers, etc."
are you insinuating that the working mothers produce the: killers, thiefs, crack heads, meth heads, drug dealers, losers, rapists, pond scum?
no one is saying being a sahm is not demanding, but seriously it's not rocket science by a long shot.
My mom worked while I was
My mom worked while I was growing up. Unlike most of my friends mothers I guess.
My mom grew up on a farm where everyone works from as soon as they can start helping - that work ethic is something she enstilled in me. I had more chores than my friends because my mom was working all day so everyone had to pitch in.
I had to help with dinner for things I could do.
I had to wash the basement steps every Saturday.
I had to take laundry downstairs to prepare for washing and hang it on the line when it was clean.
My brother had other chores too like mowing the lawn and general ad-hoc duties.
I envied my friends who had SAHMs to do all their chores for them and be able to attend all their school functions and make fancy meals.
I am a working mother, I have been always. My children are expected to help out at home like I was because when I get home I have all the duties not started yet at 6pm. I have until 10pm to complete the days worth of duties on top of my 8-9 hours work. I remind my children when they complain about chores that I could not work and we could live on less or I can work, we can live like we do and they can get off their arses and help out. Running a household with a working mom is a team effort.
I have no regrets - I don't get to attend all their school functions, I don't know all the other moms who often hang out in the elementary classrooms and go to lunch together. I do enstill the importance of being self sufficient to my daughters.
I will always be thankful I have worked and wasn't a SAHM because for me, I wouldn't have been able to leave my XH. I remember sitting in the required parenting class for people divorcing and listening to some of the stories of the women who had to wait years, some decades to get out of their marriage because they were unable financially to leave due to choosing the SAHM route and they were dependant on their Hs. My heart broke for them.
I am in no way slamming a SAHM - I am just saying that there are pros and cons and I am happy with my personal choice and I am pushing that to my daughters.
I was a SAHM after both my pregancies for periods of 6 months - I determined I like to work outside the house despite the lack of time to keep my household running. My floors aren't as clean, my laundry is always behind but I will work outside my home always.
I don't find the contest so
I don't find the contest so much - I am a working mom and what I find is I get that look of disapproval from the SAHMs that are able to be in the childrens classroom.
I had it out with one of the teachers 2 years back. Believe me, I really really appreciate what teachers do. Not slamming teachers, just this one particular old fashioned teacher
I took off the morning to attend the first day meet the teacher event (which is always on work hours - so be it) I get there, with my daughter in tow. She looks me up and down (in my office attire) with this disapproving look. Then she hands me the volunteer paperwork. I appreciate those that can, I cannot - time is not what I have. I tell her I am not available to help out in the classroom during the days but I do provide 2 giftcards a year for classroom extra supplies. (I dont' have time, I can give a giftcard)
She says, well you need to participate in your childs classroom. I said again, I am not available during the daytime to do so. She says, many of the other mothers have already signed up. I said, I am aware of that, I can read, I am not available during the daytime to participate, I work the same hours you do therefore I cannot be in my childs classroom. She snatched the paper from me.
She didn't get her giftcards btw.
I have found similar 'remarks' from SAHMs. Particularily at some kids b-day party whom I don't usually know since I am not in the classroom or at a school event that I am lucky enough to attend.
Comments like, oh - so you are BD7's mom, I have never seen you before. (yes, she was produced from a cabbage patch biotch) or, oh... you must work, I've never seen you in the classroom (said with this odd tone).
Now, not all the 'other' moms are like that - just saying, its still not accepted to be a working mom in the school system - yet majority of the teachers seem to be women - go figure.
Makes me want to shove my LAPTOP up their arse some days though.
I don't consider myself to be
I don't consider myself to be a SAHM anymore, even though I'm at home with 2 and sometimes 3 kids under the age of 3 all day. I am unemployed, because I'm looking for a job. I used to have a very nice professional job before I got married and had kids, and was very much looking forward to getting back into the working world. But it has been hard, no luck as yet, too qualified for a simple job and out of the market too long for my profession. Being a SAHM does have its benefits though, esp for the kids, but many times i think that i could give them so many more experiences if I had more money. I know I'd have less time, but i certainly expect my husband to pick up some of the household duties if i work outside the house as well. I think women let men get off to easy and try to do everything and run themselves ragged. I have a good dose of appreciation for all moms, we all do work, whether it's at home and outside the home.