Funny how the importance of education strikes SS the week BM received her first short-paid CS check
SS called Friday night. He called because he was bored. Never mentioned social services but did tell DH that HE decided he's going to do the homeschooling this year. DH asked him whos idea it was & he said it was his. Funny how the inclination struck him the week BM received her short check...
Still no word on a court date. Obviously he's "going back" to school to keep the money rolling in. With our POS judge, DH may very well come out in arrears. I don't even care. We'll pay it up $3 at a time. Not enough to make things easier for her, but enough to show he's making good on it. They talked for about 10 minutes...long enough to update DH on his school decision but as soon as DH started talking about BM buying SS liquor with the CS money, conveniently his friend pulled into the driveway (at 11:45pm).
SS told DH he wanted to spend the weekend with us last weekend (a week ago) but never called back. DH asked him what happened & he said BM didn't have enough gas to meet DH & because she only got 1/2 the money.
I don't know what will happen with the CS & school. Given the lack of enthusiasm all 3 of them have shown toward getting an education, it won't last. I don't know if the judge would go for it, but I suggested to DH that he ask the judge to order them into public school so that he can have unlimited access to their attendance records & grades without having to rely on BM for the information. She's already proven that honesty is difficult.
The big house party is to be held Oct 22. I know we won't have a court date before then. Short of BM or SS saying something to DH about the results of that, I'm not sure how we'd be able to find out the outcome for court, but we'll see what happens.
In the text message SD sent DH last week, she claimed that their neighbor is a teacher & is teaching them. BM & kids don't know, but we have ties to their neighbor. Actually, the neighbor doesn't know it either. She is the MIL to DH's best friend. She used to be a teacher, but when DH asked his friend about it, his friend confirmed that she is no longer a teacher & that as far as he was aware she isn't doing ANY teaching anymore.
I suspect that with Social Services being involved BM may contact her & ask her to do it, as they'll have to do something. But, there has been no record of education of ANY kind so far this year or last, so she's up a creek with them anyway.
I knew the tune would change as soon as the cut in CS came. All 3 of them have lied to DH just in the last 2 weeks. Not surprising in the least, but man...it's irritating as hell.
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I have to read about what is
I have to read about what is going on here...sounds like something crazy witch will pull next year when loser skid is 18 and still in 9th grade... lol DH is counting that she will continue to miss school and CS will end. Per Texas law she must be attending school for it to continue past 18 and following the attendance laws...she has not followed them for the last 4 years or so...But I have a feeling come next year, when CS can end, something will happen such as this.
What state are you in? I gotta read up...
We are in Virginia. It is
We are in Virginia. It is state law here also that CS continues until the child is 18 & no longer in school. SS turned 18 in July & thanks to BM's lack of interest in her childrens' education he has completed 10th grade. School started Aug 17th here, & as of 2 weeks ago, neither of the kids was enrolled. By the paperwork, evidently they didn't go at all last year either.
Dh's CO says he has to go back before the judge to discontinue CS at that point, but being he paid 2 months after SS turned 18 & 1 1/2 months after they should've started school, his lawyer told him to file for the court date, but to only pay 1/2.
The problem here has been BM "homeschooling" the kids, so the public schools wouldn't be watching attendance.
The thing is, when you
The thing is, when you homeschool, you have to document that and there are tests. Just BM saying so isn't enough.
All of that has to be on file
All of that has to be on file with the homsechooling counselors/dept through the district, right?
Our elder boy, SS 24, was
Our elder boy, SS 24, was 'homeschooled' by his mother. This was before they became more strict with criteria and a qualified teacher had to to the tutoring. I suspect it was because the BM was too lazy to get him to school, the boy did not like school, was socially unaware and spoiled. His mother abandoned him to us when he was 16, apparently she couldn't handle his 'moods'. I actually think she did him a huge favor! DH is all about education, school is their job! If they are not in school they have to do work around the house or work with DH. Mind you, DH is not such a hard task master really but the hours they spend with him are hours they are not spending doing what they WANT to do.
We have twins too, SD and SS 18, and currently SS is in school working towards a GED, having dropped out in sophomore year. SS did not like it at our house so he moved out...he still wants all the privelages though? I think NOT! SS has had three addresses in the past year and is now back with his mother.
DH still tries to 'justify' stuff, bless him, but he gets it soon enough.
SD is in a secure juvenile facility at the moment, a series of events and bad choices!
The common denominator in all of the messes that the kids have made of their lives is their mothers. DH was too soft with them too but since I disengaged a couple of years or so ago he's seen just how bad they can be.
On a positive note SD has done some introspection and now realizes why I did the things I did 'back then'. We got the twins when they were 10, officially we got custody when they were 11 and abandoned by their mother...what's with this theme here?? Am I the 'surrogate for abandoned kids'?
They all thought I had 'FOOL' tatooed on my forehead for a while there...I perpetuated that myth too, I allowed myself to be played by a 13 year old girl for a while. MY bad! I switched off all the buttons she could push, it was no fun for her any more. This girl is so smart it's unbelievable! Yet she was in juvenile detention, two group homes, an alternative school for bad kids, the WORST category of juvenile delinquent, this came from probation officer, and two different group homes could not handle her, this kid is a mess, yet she got her GED at 16, a good score on her SAT the day after one release from juvenile hall...no study time! She was also in university the fall semester after her 17th birthday. Can you imagine how well she's going to do once she works through all her problems?
This detention center seems to be getting a handle on her, intensive therapy in stages seems to be working. Already there's some introspection and there will be more as the therapist asks her to consider more things. Actually a court ordered family therapist (they believe that the parents have to be in a good place to raise the kids well, and keep them out of trouble) made DH consider a few things too! I learned from the therapist how to disengage, it often does take a third party to point stuff out...right? A combination of DH hearing where he was going wrong and me disengaging caused fights but I held firm and DH saw for himself what I was dealing with.
The point, I think, of me telling you all this is to help you safeguard agains this happening to you!! BM's can be absolutely intolerable and if they feel like it they can just 'shift' the responsibility and forget about the ensuing consequences.
We have no dealings with BM any more, DH flat out told SD that he does not actively seek out any conversation with her mom, before she tries to cause any more rifts or manipulations to get her parents back together again! Ohhh yesssssss that happens too!
It's hell on wheels, I love them all very much and that is their saving grace with me. I will not tolerate their bullshit though...that was what caused some of the problems! DH and I are stronger now than we've ever been, there is light at the end of the tunnel!
"I love them all very much
"I love them all very much and that is their saving grace with me. I will not tolerate their bullshit though...that was what caused some of the problems! DH and I are stronger now than we've ever been"
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This is very much my position in our situation as well. I truly love them & it makes me angry that BM is being so careless with their futures & honestly, while I can't say it's going to be impossible for them to progress & succeed, I can say that the odds of it happening are stacked against them.
Though it doesn't make me love them less, it's terribly disheartening to watch them continue to put all their stock in BM. DH is the parent who never walked away. He's never been the one to choose his absence in their lives. He was the one who picked them up & carried on when BM walked away from all of them. He was the one they've come to know they can count on when they can't count on BM, yet he's the first one they throw under the bus when BM needs a shining moment. Even while it's come to be expected, it's incredibly hurtful & angering every time they do it.