This started as a comment on copsgal's blog, but by the time I felt satisfied with it, it turned into something more.

This is a message I received from BM on FB regarding CS. DH & BM specifically had it set up for his employer to deduct the CS from his income each week & cut BM a check to be sent directly to her from there. They did this because Child Support Enforcement takes so long to process the money & forward it on.

"Oh, by the way, could you pls tell DH to get the child support checks straightened out at his work, because already 400.00 a month does not hardly help buy them shoes or clothes, etc. but they are coming like 2 weeks late all the time, and it's hard enough supporting them alone as it is. Seems like he would want them to have more from him anyway, don't get me wrong, they don't want for anything, but he could do a little more. I think if you were a mom you would agree."

I didn't honor her message with a reply. I really wanted to, but felt it best not to insert my thoughts. I considered giving it some time & then responding when the anger passed, but even in reading through it 5 months later, the anger has not passed. If I were to respond today, it would be something like this:

One, DH pays $500/month. Not a lot compared to some, but it's more than a judge would've ordered & it's what you & DH agreed on. Give the man credit for what he does. If it doesn't "hardly help buy them shoes or clothes, etc" then what are you spending it on? Believe me, DH understands realizes the financial struggle in raising children. Appreciate the $500 you get from him. It's $500 more than he got from you when he truly was doing it by himself. Sorry the checks are coming like 2 weeks late all the time. Take it up with DH's employer & the mailman. Aside from working the hours to make the money, it's out of DH's hands. He's not making the 2 hour drive to make prompt delivery every Friday. It's hard enough supporting them alone as it is??? DH fought for his time with his kids. YOU chose to exclude him. Not to mention, you're getting $500 of his money every month. Not only are you're NOT supporting them alone; you choose not to work. You're not supporting your kids AT ALL. Your kids are supported by the taxpayers, your mother, my DH, & whatever random man you agree to take into your bed as long as he'll pay your way. So really, your children are being supported by everyone BUT you. DH has BEGGED you to let his kids have more from him. He's done everything in his power to build a lifetime of memories & wisdom & life lessons with them. He's fought you repeatedly in court until the system failed him to the point they allowed you take away every right he deserves as a father. I'd like to know what you feel he could do that would qualify as "a little more". Last, it doesn't take being a mom to understand the needs of a child. I realize that comment is your effort to slap me in the face because I'm not a mom. However, the sad truth is, in the 4 years you chose to be absent from your children's lives to "find yourself", I was more of a mom to them than you could ever dream of being. I served your children better in those 4 years than you could ever hope to in a lifetime.