I think I need a break from this kid AND BM... Counseling Part 3
She's not really doing anything different... she's just being herself!! But .. I get to see DH tomorrow... tomorrow.. I love ya tomorrow... It's only a dayyyyyy aaaaa-wayyyyyy.... With 2 rooms.. thank you very much!!!
Last night was BM and SD's 3rd counseling session... And now...here's some of the highlights!!! Woo hoo....
Counselor: Ok.. Who's going to start today?
SD: I don't have anything I want to say (she was annoyed and also started last 2 weeks)
BM: Well, I don't know.. I don't know what to say... What should I say? (turning to Counselor)
SD gets frustrated and angry: "You have NOTHING??"
BM: Well, I guess I'd like us to communicate better.
(The reason this is frustrating is that you would think after all this time and 2 weeks, BM would have something more to start with..)
This goes into a discussion about SD having a "wall" up around her when it comes to BM. When BM talks to DH, this is one of BM's favorite things to say about SD... She has a "wall" up around her. But in counseling...
Counselor: SD has a wall up around her when it comes to you. She is holding back.
SD: More like a bomb shelter! (ugh... yes, she is snotty to her mom)
BM: What do you mean by that? What do you mean she has a wall up against me?
Counselor: Well, you know BM... like you might have had a wall up around you against your mom, or your sister at one point..
BM: Oh not me!! I'm the kind of person that always FORGIVES anyone who hurts me. I don't carry grudges!! (Uhhh yeah, right.... like you don't carry a grudge against your ex-husband, who you constantly blame for all of your problems! And do you notice.. she KNOWS EXACTLY what that phrase means but feigned ignorance in the counselor's office.)
And then this goes into the Counselor asking BM if she is seeing someone for help, and BM says that she is seeing a Pastor, so the Counselor recommends that she actually see a therapist.
Counselor: Ok... this is going to take a lot of work looking within yourself.
BM: But we BOTH have to do that!
SD: Mom!! It only takes one person to look within themselves!!! I have been looking within myself for the past year!!
Counselor: Yes, BM... you both have to look within yourself, and this is going to be hard work. BUT YOU (BM) have to work harder because you are the ADULT.
(Later BM told DH this story and was complaining that she has to work harder because she is the adult, saying it very sarcastically.)
SD came out of that session completely angry and frustrated. She was upset and saying to me, that she's tired of her mom's pretending she's all innocent and sweet and doesn't understand what a "wall" is. She's tired of her mom portraying herself as the victim and innocent in everything.
Meanwhile, BM says to DH, that the Counselor said they had a good session!
BM is not only clueless... she plans on staying clueless as far as I can tell.
If anyone wants to offer any insight. Am I thinking correctly? Does BM have some sort of personality disorder? Or is hiding your head in the sand just her being an as*hole? I'd appreciate any feedback, but I am also using these blogs as an online journal to remind myself of all of this crap as it is going down.
I worry because SD goes through this, and then literally if DH doesn't talk to her right after counseling, or I don't she will say she "doesn't remember". She blocks it out and then when she sees her mom, all of that anger comes out! So we try to get her to talk right as things happen.
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well if being an a**hole is a disorder then BM is LOADED with it
Psych 101 rears it's ugly head...here are some possible disorders for BM: Narcissistic Personality Disorder,Antisocial personality disorder and more interesting: Histrionic Personality disorder----this one has interesting symptoms that sounded like BM
A pervasive pattern of excessive emotionality and attention seeking, beginning by early adulthood and present in a variety of contexts, as indicated by five (or more) of the following:
(1) is uncomfortable in situations in which he or she is not the center of attention
shows self-dramatization, theatricality, and exaggerated expression of emotion
(2) interaction with others is often characterized by inappropriate sexually seductive or provocative behavior
(3) displays rapidly shifting and shallow expression of emotions
(4) consistently uses physical appearance to draw attention to self
(5) has a style of speech that is excessively impressionistic and lacking in detail
(7) is suggestible, i.e., easily influenced by others or circumstances
---->this reminds me of how she views her relationship w/her daughter(8) considers relationships to be more intimate than they actually are
Work out your own salvation. Do not depend on others. ~Buddha
Wow BBB! Thanks!
Thanks !! More food for thought!! I actually had thought that BM has Narcissistic Personality Disorder. But I will look into Histrionic Personality Disorder more now too!
#1, #3, #5, #6, #7 are all BM.
#2 - BM thinks sex is dirty. Remember... this is the woman who couldn't even say the words BLOW JOB!! (ugh)
#4 - She doesn't do anything to make herself more attractive. She is a pretty good looking 49 year old woman. But she doesn't play it up. Every time I see her, she looks beat down, or beat up. You would think after only having to take care of herself for the past year, she would have played that up more. It's surprising to me actually.
Thanks for the info!! I will definitely look into it!!
*** A rainbow just threw up on me... and now I'm sh*tting glitter! ***
you're welcome doll:)
Of course she could always be her own special brand of crazy and maybe not have an exact 'diagnonsense'
I think she's probably a combo of a few different disorders. Obviously she won't get fixed by just visiting with her pastor or whatever lame stuff she's claiming to do. She needs intensive therapy and probably medication. Good luck. My evil side wants to tell you BM's issues and trouble with counseling only makes you look more and more angelic to your DH and sd }:)
Work out your own salvation. Do not depend on others. ~Buddha
IT'S A CONJUGAL VISIT!!
YAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYA!!!!!!
Maybe I won't be so bitchy next week!
*** A rainbow just threw up on me... and now I'm sh*tting glitter! ***