SD not coming home; insistant
18 yo SD, away at college, wrote email to dh last night stating she won't be coming home for tday. He called her this a.m. to say he'd pick her up and bring her home. Shortly thereafter he got the "insistant" email with a bunch of lame excuses.
The writing is on the wall for me. I know that kids at her age pull away, but this is the holidays. Even the worst kids come on then. She is just so completely selfabsorbed and selfish.
I'm contemplating using the "half-sister" term for her with my BD until SD decides she wants us in her life. It's nothing but disappointment.
I feel like despite my best intentions it was a mistake for DH and I to try to set our family up as close and family oriented. SD has been nothing but rejecting for the past 7 years. She has some good moments, but it is the rejection at important moments like this one that really show where her priorities are -- and they aren't with us. I don't think they ever will be.
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It is difficult. But Patience......
I know it is difficult, I was the same way with my stepmom. (but then again I always went home for the holidays) My D and Smom were great and still are! I did not get that, until many years after I left home. They let me know they loved me, and that they wanted to spend time with me. But it was up to me to meet them half way. You all do/did what you did b/c you thought it the best way. Be patient with her. Lead by example and then wait....... (Believe me I am making an effort to try this everyday with my new step kids) The waiting is so hard, but it is just as hard for the Bio-parents too.
You verbaly and physically (emotionally, and mentally) show them that you love them. Let them have a responsibility in the relationship. If they do not. That is their fault, not yours.
As soon as my parents quit trying so hard, I became more available and felt more accepted. I wanted to be around them more. This is just my experience.
That is just my two cents.
Melissa
How old is your BD?
How old is your BD? I wouldn’t change how you refer to your SD if she is at an age where she will notice that you’ve done so…I know it has to be hard for you to see your BD being “rejected” right along with you and your DH but let them work out their own relationship (as it relates to the “terms” they use for each other) I have a SM too…she will grow up and grow out of being so self centered!
Make a GREAT Day!
Melissa & Nise
What you say gives me hope that she'll eventually come around. I do feel our situation is like Melissa's where the more we try, the further she goes. I honestly think that our 100 or 110% is hurting us rather than doing us good.
I'll keep a lid on the 1/2 sister business. I've never liked it anyway. I hope she lives up to and deserves the full term at some point. Darn kids!!
My BD is 7 and very smart. DH explained SD isn't coming home until C-mas. She's hurt and has mentioned SD a few times since saying she misses her. I explained to her that her sister loves her and that she isn't intending to hurt her. She seemed to accept it.