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A gifting dilemma...

stepoff's picture

Submitted by stepoff on Tue, 10/13/2009 - 7:55am

Yesterday was my birthday. Yes ladies, the big 4-0! UGH! I'm not devastated though because I really don't feel forty. It was quite a nice day with myself and DH. What does bother me (just slightly) is the fact that neither SD20 or SS25 acknowledged the occasion. This doesn't surprise me at all, so that's not the problem. The problem is I know that I will begin to shoot steam from my ears when SD birthday arrives and she begins to request gifts. Not so much SS, he doesn't offer suggestions unless we ask him. But SD will literally come out and say "oh, that's a nice handbag NMF1! Hey Dad, that would be a great gift for me for my birthday." This actually happened 2 birthdays ago with her. For her last birthday she kindly 'suggested' a NorthFace jacket and we didn't even have to ask her! Wasn't that nice? And then there's the whole Christmas thing. I'm expecting her to begin her gift 'suggestions' any day now. However, not once has she or SS gotten me anything for Christmas or my birthday, and for the past 2 Christmases they haven't even given their own father anything. They have no idea of the meaning or joy of giving. What would you do?

Comments

mumzy79's picture

Submitted by mumzy79 on Tue, 10/13/2009 - 8:22am

Happy Birthday!!! First and foremost. Secondly, I think it is high time that these "kids" learn that it is far more rewarding to gove than it is to receive. I would give them that gift in that I would make a donation in their honor to a local Battered Womens Shelter, Red Cross etc. Tell that they will know that some people less fortunate than themselves will be able to have clothing, shelter, food for the holidays. My DD13 once threw a fit over a gift she didn't like for ms (she was 6 at the time). I told her to pick whatever present she wanted from under the tree, whatever she was dying to open. She got excited thinking that she got to have a different present. She opened it and loved it as it was an intricate magic set. We then drove to the "angel tree" at our local mall and I made her donate the gift. Lessons need to be learned no matter the age. Enjoy your birthday and strut your fabulous 40 self!

Kb3Hooah's picture

Submitted by Kb3Hooah on Tue, 10/13/2009 - 8:30am

Happy Birthday!!! Smile Have you talked to DH about this?

___________________________________________________________________________
“Unless commitment is made, there are only promises and hopes; but no plans.”

stepoff's picture

Submitted by stepoff on Tue, 10/13/2009 - 8:33am

Thanks honey! No, actually I didn't even think about it until this morning. I was flipping thru the awesome cards I received and realized that they didn't send a card or call or text or anything. I don't think it's a huge deal or even worth bringing it up to him. I think it's just a reflection of their character (or lack thereof). And I KNOW that it will bother the heck out of me come Christmas time and their birthdays. I don't want to be 'eaten up' during Christmas. But luckily for me (ha ha) I do almost all of the Christmas shopping. Score one for SM-extraordinare!

stepoff's picture

Submitted by stepoff on Tue, 10/13/2009 - 8:30am

Aw, thanks Mumzy! I had already gotten SD 2 gift certificates for Christmas. I'm considering keeping one of those for her birthday in March and playing it 'frugal' this year. Like a previous blogger wrote this morning (sorry don't recall who offhand), I'm really not concerned about them LIKING me, it's just a matter of respect.

JMC's picture

Submitted by JMC on Tue, 10/13/2009 - 8:51am

JamaicanMeCrazy
LIVE LOVE LAUGH

Happy birthday NMF1! I certainly can sympathize with you on this subject; my SD18 & SD22 NEVER acknowledge my birthday (which, btw, is Thursday Wink ) nor did they come to my wedding shower, and they never acknowledge me for any other holiday. Only if they are reminded do they remember to get DH a card for his birthday. Never anything for Christmas, Father's Day, etc. But they expect us to do for their birthdays, Christmas, SD22's wedding anniversary, and now that SD22's pregnant, we're expected to buy whatever she needs. I refused to go to her baby shower recently and I didn't attend her bridal shower 2 yrs ago since she has so little respect for me. I will get her a baby gift but I'm not going overboard. These skids barely speak to me, why should I spend my hard earned money or put the time & effort in to finding a nice gift for them? Bah! Hope you enjoyed your birthday!

stepoff's picture

Submitted by stepoff on Tue, 10/13/2009 - 8:57am

Happy Birthday to you too! Libras rock! So how about now that SD22 is married and expecting, you just get a gift for the baby? Why do they expect a gift from you on their wedding anniversary? Why do they expect you to buy what she needs for the baby? Doesn't her DH do any of that stuff?

JMC's picture

Submitted by JMC on Tue, 10/13/2009 - 10:01am

JamaicanMeCrazy
LIVE LOVE LAUGH

Thanks! I've tried to make my DH understand that since SD22 is married and expecting her own kiddie, we spend less on her for birthdays & Christmas and now will be buying for the baby. SD22's DH is an ass - I doubt he'll spend any more than he has to to support their kid. His mommy has pretty much supported them (he was a late in life baby and mommy spoiled him rotten.) SD22 informed us her MIL gave them over a $1000 a month - sheesh, I wish someone would support me & my DH like that! He recently filed bankruptcy - strange because they rent and the only other big payment he had was for a sporty little Mustang. He also had student loans, but I don't believe you can get those discharged like other debts. SD22's DH appears to be a 'professional student' - don't think he wants to work; he likes to party and play poker too much to get a real job. Must be nice...I've worked all my life and supported myself - I can't stand these kids who believe just because they were born they are 'entitled'.

stepoff's picture

Submitted by stepoff on Tue, 10/13/2009 - 9:02am

You're right SA. DH and I agree every Christmas to a $150 limit for each of them. Somehow we usually end up exceeding that amount. But ironically, it's not really the money that has me concerned. I would gladly give them a gift of whatever they want if they could just show the smallest bit of respect. It's the total lack of acknowledgement from them during the holidays. That's why I'm thinking of holding back a bit this year. We can always blame the economy, another baby on the way, too many current bills, or the fact that we paid her BIRTH CONTROL PILLS bill. Lots of excuses to use and I'm thinking of pulling a few out of my hat (or ass).

JMC's picture

Submitted by JMC on Tue, 10/13/2009 - 12:25pm

JamaicanMeCrazy

Crayon, I just snorted Coca Cola out my nose reading that!! I'd just love to give SD18 homemade tampons! She's have a heart attack! I remember one time she was at our house and needed a tampon and heaven forbid, I didn't have the kind she uses! Same brand, just she MUST have the plastic applicator - the same ones she insists on flushing down the toilet and stopping up the plumbing at her grandparents.
You are too funny!!

Stepmom2Ched's picture

Submitted by Stepmom2Ched on Tue, 10/13/2009 - 12:56pm

Luckily, I just had water comin' out of MY nasal passages!!

~*~Cheer up! It could be worse.
I cheered up, & it got worse!~*~

PnutButta's picture

Submitted by PnutButta on Tue, 10/13/2009 - 12:48pm

Happy Birthday! 40 is the new 25, from what I've heard. I'm not to far behind you!

Love the sense of entitlement your skids have. I say at 20 and 25 they don't really need elaborate gifts, and nothing bought by you, definitely. I doubt Santa is your first name. You are under no obligation to support their gift wanting desires.

I must have grown up completely different, because by the time I was 18, I didn't really get gifts from my family and didn't really expect them. Christmas, etc., is for little kids. At least that's how I was raised. Even as an adult, I've always told everyone not to bother, to use the money on the kids instead.

Honestly, where do these kids and young adults get this idea that everything is about them? Where is this coming from? It seems like more and more are like this these days..it's really sad. How are they ever going to function in the real world?

"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." ~Eleanor Roosevelt

stepoff's picture

Submitted by stepoff on Tue, 10/13/2009 - 1:02pm

Thanks for the Happy Birthday wishes everyone. And Happy Birthday to all of us! I truly don't know where all of this entitlement, me me me, more now stuff comes from. I guess this is the moment when we shake our heads and begin to say things that our parents used to say to us. I think that most of these 'generation me' kids were raised in the 90's when times were good - really good - and feel that because they were given so much back then, that the giving should just continue. Reality will hit them one day - hopefully.

Stepmom2Ched's picture

Submitted by Stepmom2Ched on Tue, 10/13/2009 - 1:04pm

Happy belated birthday NMF1!! I don't celebrate birthdays anymore. I celebrate anniversaries of my 29th birthday, so that means in August I had the 17th anniversary of my 29th birthday.

As far as your SKids go...donate to a worthy cause and include it in a card to them for holidays. With the "toy-list" SD generates, look at her and say, "Wow, that's nice, I hope you get the things you want." and shred the list...use it for filler. (cat box filler!)

If they haven't learned the meaning of gift giving by NOW, I think it's hopeless. They can request ALL They want...it doesn't mean you have to honor the requests. If she demands for something, dish it right back, "Oh, you want such & Such for your birthday? Wow, I wanted at least a Happy Birthday and I only got it from your father.

My mom has stopped sending cards to my one nephew. He got married in 12/07, and has never sent anything to my mom regarding it, or any pictures. He'd get checks from her enclosed in the envelopes, and never took the time to call, email or write a thank you to her. So this past July, she sent a card. It was returned "address unknown." So she's given up on him. I gave my mom's mailing info to my nephew's new wife...and she hasn't done anything either, so I guess they're just both lazy and uncaring. Their loss, coz their grandma is such a cool woman!

~*~Cheer up! It could be worse.
I cheered up, & it got worse!~*~