See NM that is EXACTLY what I am talking about. I go through that soooooo often. When she lost her job, I blogged about FH and I giving her alittle extra on top of CS to help out. The general answer on here was that I shouldn't, and I understand why, and agree. But there is always that little part of me that feels bad. I feel bad that her BF doesn't want to commit. I feel bad that she has lost two jobs in a year. I feel bad that she has a shitty relationship. Though I shouldn't. UGH.

You feel bad because you are a compassionate and empathetic person.

I kind of feel bad for her to, no one should be alone on the holidays. I'm sure she'll find a friends house to go to or something. I wouldn't have DH call, you're right, it may open a can of worms.

~ Please excuse me, I have a low bullsh*t tolerance... ~

I USED to feel bad for BM, but the more I've been in the picture - I've seen where she has brought everything on herself. Also, she chooses her path in life. She has nowhere to go on Thanksgiving - well, she would have someplace to go, but she is choosing to go to her favorite bar instead. I was surprised when I found out that our little local bar is going to be open for regular hours on Thanksgiving Day. This explained the phone call from BM asking us to keep the skids Tues, Wed, and Thurs this week. Tuesdays and Thursdays are our days, but BM would rather be out partying Wednesday and Thursday than spend any kind of holiday time with her kids. I don't feel sorry for her. AT ALL. I feel sorry for the skids who ARE feeling sorry for mommy who doesn't have anybody to spend Thanksgiving with. She has burned her bridges and she doesn't care, so why should I? She's going to be exactly where she wants to be on Thanksgiving - in a bar with all the other losers.

**my stepdaughters did not grow in my tummy, they grew in my heart**

NoMoreFaking... I see EXACTLY where you are coming from and suffer from guilt very often when it comes to BM. It doesn't matter that she brought this on herself or that she is so much of a pain that she is chasing everyone away. At least - in my opinion - that stuff doesn't always matter or negate the feelings. I have a very hard time with "She deserved it... so what??" type of thinking.

Also, I will disagree with the other posters on here. I personally don't see the harm in just calling BM on Thanksgiving if you think she is alone and saying Happy Turkey Day. What's the worst that could happen? She throws it in your face that you are being nice? She annoys you? And if she does... so what? She's coming from a place of pain.

I deal with a BM that has chased her husband, her boyfriend and now her daughter away from her. She does have family to spend Thanksgiving with.. but I know it will be a difficult one for her no matter what. This is one of those times that I would suggest "rising above". Just like in times of crisis... I personally believe that holidays are special and sacred and that we should put aside our differences to just have some peace and love in our lives.

This Thanksgiving my husband is working in Mexico. My Stepdaughter does NOT want to see her mom, but I have helped to convince her to go and see that side of the family as she does miss them and really does want to see them this week. Thanksgiving has always been with that side of the family. So I am driving to my brother in law's house with SD... and then taking her before dinner or right after dinner to BM's mom's house. (Who, by the way, hates my guts and told me never to call her house again, even though SD lives with me.) It's not my problem that Nana hates me. It's not may fault that BM's own daughter is dreading seeing her. But it is under my control to try to just do whatever is best for all involved. It's a holiday - a time to share... a time to love... a time to be extra gracious if we can.

At least, that's how I see it.

Happy Thanksgiving honey!! Your heart is in the right place.

*** A rainbow just threw up on me... and now I'm sh*tting glitter! ***