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stepmom92's picture

So recently we got a new neighbor. She is pretty, single and has a teen. She introduced herself to my step kids and my husband. I was working. He did mention me while talking to her. I asked him what her name was and he told me but couldn't really pronounce the last name. I looked her up on Facebook and he said he had added her that day. That really bothered me because I hadn't even met her yet. He told me he would never do anything like that (have affair). I think her ex was helping her move in the other night. Anyway, should it bother me that he added her on Facebook? He does know her ex. He also said me and her could be friends at some point. 

Comments

OKtoStep's picture

You should get a great therapist to help you through your divorce and subsequent healing journey in which you emerge a strong, confident adult.

WwCorgi7's picture

From past blogs it seems like you have some trust/ boundary issues with your husband. Have you discussed with him how you are feeling? I mean if you think his behavior is out of line or making you uncomfortable then you should let him know. 

Everyone and every relationship is different. What seems like a big deal to some is not to other's. Personally, it would bug me. I would be weirded out that he added her so quickly. My husband and I do not have social media accounts and that is something we decided as a couple. We don't have friends of the opposite sex or hang out with anyone besides our "married" friends. When BM wanted him and her to hang out and go to lunch alone I told him how I felt and he respected that. If my husband has had any insecurities or issues he would absolutely tell me. We have a very black and white view of stuff like that. I think in our relationship atleast, we would both find what your husband did very inappropriate.

I think communication is lacking here and you need to let him know how you are feeling and why. He may not realize what he is doing or think it is inappropriate. If you tell him how you feel and he continues being so "neighborly" then that is a huge red flag.

stepmomnorth's picture

I wouldn't feel right about my partner adding the single hot lady from next door so quickly after just meeting either. 

BethAnne's picture

We can't tell you how to feel.

Personally it would not bother me one bit. I might even have a little chuckle about it. But then I trust my husband completely. 

If your husband has made you feel like you cannot trust him in the past then I can understand why this would make you feel uneasy. I still don't feel it is the crime of the century but if it is another red flag waving in the breaze after a series of them then it could be the signal that the relationship has run its course for some couples. 

This is something that you need to consider for yourself within the larger context of your relationship. 

Loxy's picture

I definitely think it's odd that that he added her so quickly and I also wonder how the neaighbour feels about it as I think most woman would view that as a little creepy ie a married guy you just met trying to add you as a friend on FB. I know would think it's creepy and ignore the invitation, at least until I felt I knew them better. 

I trust my DH so if he did that I would question him why (from a curiosity perspective) and also let him know that the woman would likely view it as creepy but I wouldn't be upset about it. However, there are clearly trust issues in your relationship that need to be worked through so I think you need to talk to your husband about how you are feeling. 

Loxy's picture

I definitely think it's odd that that he added her so quickly and I also wonder how the neaighbour feels about it as I think most woman would view that as a little creepy ie a married guy you just met trying to add you as a friend on FB. I know would think it's creepy and ignore the invitation, at least until I felt I knew them better. 

I trust my DH so if he did that I would question him why (from a curiosity perspective) and also let him know that the woman would likely view it as creepy but I wouldn't be upset about it. However, there are clearly trust issues in your relationship that need to be worked through so I think you need to talk to your husband about how you are feeling. 

I Think I Am's picture

It doesn't matter if it'd bother me or anyone else here - it matters if it's bothering you. The poster above who said that all relationships & circumstances are so different is spot on. I wouldn't give this a second thought but there are other things that I can't stand which you probably wouldn't care about. I agree that having a chat wit your DH is a good idea - tell him how you feel. Is this something that he does often? Does he have a history of sketchy behaviour? Is it good that he told you what went down instead of keeping it to himself? 

justmakingthebest's picture

My dear, you have to be exhausted!!  You second guess everything going on in your life. You are so full of anxiety and self doubt. 

No one here can tell you how you "should" feel because there is no right answer. I wouldn't care if my husband added someone on social media... More shocked he talked to ta neighbor! He has a strict no friends with neighbors policy (he hates people in general and doesn't want to have to talk to someone just because he is checking the mail LOL!). However, with my ex who was a serial cheater- yeah. I would have had all kinds of feelings about it. 

The point is, we don't know what your life, we are strangers online here to help support you though steplife, because this shit is hard. But you need more assistance with being comfortable in your own head than we can give. PLEASE make an appointment and talk to someone in real life. Face to face and work through these issues so that you can be your own person and feel strong in your own skin. 

AgedOut's picture

Unless my partner had a habit of adding others that quickly in the past, I'd wonder about it. 

Does he usually add newly met people, male and female, to his FB so quickly? is this an oddity? 

Stepdrama2020's picture

I personally do not think its appropriate, and neither do you. So it becomes an issue. Address this with your DH. Some may say its silly facebook, but silly facebook has become the demise of many many relationships. Not just marital ones, but family, friendships. I have read many posts where facebook has invoked a venting blog or two.

IDK maybe friend some hot firefighters and make them your cover photo LOL But I am petty like that. Its not healthy but hey thats who I am.

 

Roundandround's picture

Serious question, I've begun to feel like this poster is trolling with all these scenarios. 

OKtoStep's picture

Like maybe a grad student doing research or a company?

I can't imagine that this husband is such a mindless creep that he's still up on his ex wife and prowling for new strange in front of God and everybody. So much telenovela drama.

Roundandround's picture

An occasional "So it should bother me? " the more these random, weird scenarios happen the more I think it is a bored teenager making fun of wicked stepmoms, as in "lets see how stupid they are believing this crap" 

Thumper's picture

She is sneaky but purposful in her actions,...I bet she is looking for dirt about her ex thru YOUR husbands fb. 

Also,

You said your husbands knows HER ex. If true, why the sudden urge to be fb friends? 

That is just my gut.