I'm looking for a good book about how to help the kids cope when the divorced parents cannot always agree and there is still conflict, even though significant time has passed.

Honestly, I know that the parents are supposed to suck it up for the sake of the kids, but I think that, in reality, when the 2 parents' values and parenting are so profoundly different, conflict is inevitable.

And giving up and giving in to the other parent isn't always in the best interest of the child, right, or is it? How to find that balance between fighting for something that (in your mind) will better serve the child in the long run, versus the long term impact of not fighting with the other parent over the issue?

Eg. Dad is not comfortable with how kids and school is being handled. Kids live with mom and see dad only on weekends. Mom is not concerned about kids and school, or perhaps she is and just doesn't know what to do/doesn't have the energy to do anything/feels that there is nothing she can do and is angry that this problem exists and she is being scrutinized as to how she deals with it. Mom has asked dad for help, dad is helping on his time and addressing discipline issues, but the day-to-day hard work of solving the issue still rests with mom.

Should dad just give up on pestering an obviously stressed mom about the kids schooling and accept that their education is simply going to be whatever # on the priority list that mom chooses so that the parenting relationship goes smoother? How to figure out what kind of support mom wants, when there is bitterness and antagonism against the dad seeping into every conversation concerning the kids? How to help when help offered is often taken as an attack and as some sort of parental competition?

Anyway, I'm just rambling now... but I'm so worried about my family. The kids aren't doing well in school and DH is tired of fighting. The future seems so scary if these kids don't at least graduate high school, but the future also seems scary if DH gives up on them as a way to stop fighting.