DH is barley speaking to me still . This morning he only said "Morning"  no any affection of any kind. He would normally atleast hug me or a quick peck but noting. When we were eating breakfast he was not acknowledging at all. He only was talking to BD. I had to exuse myself because I almost started crying. Why am I being blamed for something I am not responsible for? I told him that if he wants to mend his relationship with OSS and YSS he can just out of the house but somehow in his mind that's me saying "no you you're not allowed to have any sort of contact with your sons". My conditions for having OSS in this house are very reasonable(so I thought): 1) apologize to both DH and I 2) Show me basic respect 3) Act like he wants to be part of the family Everything was going great until thanksgiving when the inlaws ambushed us with OSS22 and YSS20. They were acting as if  we were total strangers. Total disregard for me, DH, and BD8- their sister!. The most we got out from them was "hello". Ever since then DH wants to fix things with his sons. Go for it but approach it in way that  doesn't compromise any boundaries that we've struggled to establish earlier- he suffered from gulity parent syndrome when the boys were younger.

Both of them are doing well for themselves: OSS is currently in his first year of his masters in microbiology(seeks to become a medical microbiologist), has a boyfriend (30 years old ; a  police officer). YSS is currently in his second year of Business. We have not seen or spoken to OSS in 6 years and YSS for 4 years. Anytime DH would try to initiate any sort of interaction with them, they disregarded him entirely and acted like he wasn't there. They also would speak about famiy vacations that the inalws and them went on- one's that DH did not know about.  When he asked OSS about his boyfriend, there was zero ackowledgement. 

My in-laws are  hospitable people. We knew they kept in touch with the boys after they cut DH off. So why the need to hide the fact that everyone else in DH's family is taking secret vacations with his sons?. They already had met OSS boyfriend and were asking about him. They treat everyone with respect and are warm hearted people. It was as if they could not see how the boys were treating DH. They treated me and my bios (including DD from my previous marriage) very well, but they always had slight favortism towards OSS and YSS. 

I apologize for not providing enough backround information in my previous post. When I deleted my previous account 6 years ago I thought my step drama was over. Probably should have kept it. 

Backstory:

I met DH a year after his divorce to BM was finalizsed. OSS was 12 and YSS 10. YSS was a very sweet boy and OSS was troubled. As I stated in my previous post, DH and Bm would argrue in front of Oss; as a result he was a very withdrawn kid. Didn't talk much, hated being away from DH, and didn't have many friends.

Me moving in with DH is what triggered OSS's disrespect. He hated me! Plain and simple. I did everything for him. Took him shopping, helped him with schoolwork, made his favorite food. Noting seemed to work with him. DH did not parent the boys properly. He would give the boys anything and allowed them to do anything . I advised DH that it would be good idea to take OSS to therapy and maybe consider going himself in order to re-establish the parent-child dynamic with his sons. Instead of being considered a "friend ", he should be respected and ackowledged as their "father" . Thankfully the therapist agreed with me and DH started to actually parent his kids. I could tell it was hard for him espsically with OSS but it needed to be done not only for DH's sake but for OSS's too. It was never my intention to create a wedge in their relationship or try to take DH away from OSS. If DH established healthy boundaries and actually disciplined is kids then OSS would thrive. Don't children prosper in a structured and disciplined household with healthy boundaries?  My only intention was to make OSS a better person and not have him struggle later in life. That's all! That was how I raised my DD and I recieved praise on how well behaved she was. It wanted the same for OSS. BM would let the boys to whatever they wanted; they were becoming entiled brats. This would only hurt them  in the future. But in the eyes of OSS the change in his relationship with his dad was due to me and  I was labelled as the "wicked stepmother" that was trying to take his dad away from him. That was/is not true! I would never dream of doing such a horrendous thing. DH loved both OSS and YSS very much. His boy were his life . Anything he did for one, he did for the other and the three of them loved spending time together.  

As I stated OSS witnessed DHand BM argue prior to their divorce. Being the protective big brother he was , he ensured YSS was away from the toxicity. That blame falls on both BM and DH. DH admitted that having to witness them argue was unfair to OSS. It was his job to protect the his kids from the fights and was felt extreme gulit over this. His theapist advised him that becoming a gulity parent would only do more damage to OSS and the best course of action would be for him to apologize to OSS and acting like a proper parent would only benefit him.  

YSS fell into line quickly, but OSS made DH work for it! It was becoming too much for me and being pregnant with BD, I had to disenage and leave all parenting of OSS to DH. OSS would address DH with profanity, talk back, direscpted  our rules and everyone else in the house except for YSS. Therapy was not working for him either. He was just angry at everyone. He was a very smart kid and had potential to do great in school if he applied himself. But as a way to "punish" us, he would purposefully fail to turn in assingments, do homework, or study for his exams. Noting was working to bring him into line. 

It was very hard for DH watch OSS spiral down this dark path but he also had to look at everyone else in the house as well. OSS had such a bad influence on the household. Dh and I would fight constantly and we were very close on getting a divorce. Our marriage counsellor told Dh that he had to decide if it's worth putting so much effort in one person who is clearly not responding/appreciating  what we provide. After all we had 4 others in the house to think about as well. We both decided that it would be the best that DH see OSS outside of our  home. He could take both OSS and YSS out for lunches, dinners, the movies whatever he wanted but at the end of the day he would drop OSS back at BM'S. He would remain in contact with him and hopefully seeing what he would be missing out on would initatie some sort of change in his behaviour.  Both DH and I agreed the day OSS realized the error in his behaviour and apologizes to us he would be welcome back- DH would bring him over the very same day if it was our visitation week. He would be given a clean slate but the length of his arrangement would depend on how long OSS took to reflect. At the time we thought this was a good arrangement.... we've could not have been more wrong! OSS just lost it and shut himself in his bedroom. The damage was done. OSS believed I came between him and DH. We dropped them off and returned home. The next day CPS was at the door. This could have affected  my and DH career!! and the humilation.... DH called BM and she clamied that OSS told her that he was being abused by me. I hit him, DH starves him... we we're hurt. DH decided that he was "done" until OSS grew up. He filed for to change CS adjusted; BM accepted. Having Bm whisper to OSS that DH didn't help either. It was a lose-lose situation. Our hope was that OSS would see BM for who she truly is and learn to appreciate all that we provided him. We did not hear from him at all. DH tried to maintain contact but he wasn't responding. OSS graduated high school with honors and moved out of BM's(thankfully). DH sent a congradulation text, e-mail, fb message..... noting. The therapist told DH to give OSS space, tell him he loves him and misses him and leave it at that. Dh never got a response ever. Brithdays, holidays, you name it but no response and it hurt DH a lot.. He was missing OSS greatly but he held his ground. 

YSS started to pull away as well. He lashed out at DH and told him that he was a "POS of a father" for not speaking to OSS and both DH and BM are responsible for this and he should be ashamed of himself for allowing Stepmom 2.0 (me) come in between them. He's tried many times to reach out to them but no such luck. When YSS graduated only the inalws were invited. We and BM weren't invitied. The in-laws helped both boys get set up at college. Knowing that the in-laws were there for his sons gave DH some peace but it still hurt him that they wanted noting to do with him.

Our first time seeing and "interacting" with the boys was on Thanksgiving and ever since a wedge as been created betwen DH and I. I an underlying fear that my marriage may be  on the line. I KNOW that his boys wants me gone especially OSS. He feels that DH "chose" me over him and is seeking retaliation.