On committing PAS - do you think it's okay in this instance?
The skids are about to go to BM's for her extended summer visitation. She will have them for the whole month of July, minus one weekend.
Last year, during extended summer visitation, the kids got headlice - really, really bad while staying at BM's. I had to battle them constantly. I would clean their heads and the entire house (huge pain in the ass!) and every time they would go to their mom's house they would come back with it and I'd have to do it all over again.
It got to where, I figured out, it's much easier just to clean the heads then have to clean the whole house, so I started checking their heads every time they came back from BM's. I think this is a form of PAS - but my intent was not to make them feel bad about their mom, though I'm sure I did that. I just wanted to save myself a crapload of hassle.
I want to check their heads before they step in the house when they come back from this long visit. But I think I might go about it this way. Poor thing, oldest SD has had lice so many times from her nasty ass mom that she totally knows when she has it. She's also the only one of the three that doesn't drink the BM koolaid and knows her mom is somewhat full of BS. I'm thinking maybe I'll just ask SD when they return if she thinks she has lice.
Any thoughts??
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I don't think it is PAS. The
I don't think it is PAS. The fact is the kids have head lice. It isn't that you tell them "Oh, i hope you don't come back with rabies because your mother's dog may bite you." It is a historical fact.
So ask the older one if she has an itchy head. Check the other kids heads before they come inside. Make it into a game. Tell them you have a nurse friend who said this is just the weather for head lice. Like the flu goes around in winter, head lice in summer. So lets get those critters out of their heads now.
OK, just thinking about this is making my head itchy!
Seriously, it isn't PAS. PAS would be "Your mother doesn't care about you. Look, you have nits and it muct be her bad care of you. Your daddy loves you and would never let you get nits/head lice."
I don't think it's PAS to
I don't think it's PAS to check them...but really, if they have it you should notice them scratching their heads...
W/that said I had head lice when I was in 3rd grade...neither my sister nor brother caught it. My mom is the cleanest person I have ever met! She even put car wax on the outside of windows on our house so that when it rained there wouldn't be any water spots on the windows! And that was on the metal parts! She put some other stuff on the glass for the same purpose...
Some kids inmune systems are weaker than others. Now as an adult I have noticed how many undiagnosed allergies I have...All three of us kids did the same things, went to the same places, school, etc...only "I" caught them and it was we believe at a fair we all went to...Same w/bug bites...neither of my siblings would have bites and I would be covered after an outing to the beach...I still remember how my mom washed our hair as it wad actually painful when she squeezed the water out!
I am not saying that the BM in this case is a clean freak, but I think there are many here who scream if a kid gets bug bites, lice ir anything else when they aré w/the ex and it is not always a sign of a bad BM or unclean one. Just as some babies get craddle crap...hehe...and others do not.
So if you notice them scratching their heads, by all means check them...if you aré afraid your house will be infested, be more proactive in the cleaning when they get home & also maybe go out to eat or something for a while before bringing them into your house so you can see if they are scratching...
Good luck! PS my mom lost it when she found out and because the store was closed poured 3 bottles of rubbing alcohol on my head and put a towel on my head after each bottle! We actually moved from TX because she was such a clean freak and the bugs OUTSIDE the home drove her nuts!
Go out to eat with them - I
Go out to eat with them - I was actually thinking that. I was thinking we should take them to eat at McDonald's to see if they're scratching their heads a lot.
Out of my three step
Out of my three step daughters, the youngest lived with her mother for a year. Every other week my husband had the youngest daughter and we would have to pick her up at exactly 7:00 p.m. on Friday evening or he wouldn't get to take the youngest SD to his house for the weekend. Every other weekend was the same: Head lice. It got to the point where the youngest SD would get in the vehicle and we would ask, "do you have lice?" She would always say "yes" and then we would stop by the store on the way home to pick up lice shampoo for her hair and then she would get the "de-lousing" treatment when we walked in the front door when we got home. It went on like that until her mother kicked her out and the youngest SD came to live with her Dad with no visitations by her mother. Also, no more lice.
This is making my head itch!
This is making my head itch! : )
Don't forget to wash all
Don't forget to wash all skids's clothes with HOT water and check the bag before you bring it in the house!!! BM sent SD9 with lice twice (BM told DH before he picked them up). So DH got the lice shampoo on the way and I put all the clothes in the big plastic bag before we entered the house and washed with HOT water to kill lice. My DD has a long hair, so I was so scared!!! It is not PAS, basic higyne....
I'm glad I'm not the only one
I'm glad I'm not the only one who is itchy reading this. Poor kidos!!
Head lice have nothing to do
Head lice have nothing to do with cleanliness.
Well, I guess it does. People with greasy hair don't get lice because the nits won't stick to the hair.
Also, the BEST way to get rid of head lice is to suffocate them. Buy a very large container of olive oil and drench the heads in in. Leave it on for 20 minutes or so. The lice will die because they can't breathe.
Then comb out the nits.
It works and it's chemical free!
They have everything to do
They have everything to do with cleanliness if the kids keep coming back to me from their visitations with BM with headlice because she won't clean them out of her house.
Thanks for the tip, but I'm an expert at lice removal. I've done countless hours of research and "field study" on the subject. I'm just trying to save myself some hassle.
I like the listerine method and follow up with cocunut shampoo and conditioner.
Checking the kids heads for
Checking the kids heads for lice after they have repeatedly come home with lice from the same place is not PAS - thats parenting. an example of PAS is when my ss5 comes home from four hours with BabyMomma and tells us that he is the boss, that ursilla the sea witch told him to keep scary secrets and that he doesnt have to listen to us and that i am the worst stepmommy ever... then proceeds to run to his room, hide under the covers and cry for hours with no provocation, refusing to get out of bed and has severe night terrors for days after visiting BabyMomma for only a few hours..... you checking the kids for lice.. well, lemme tell you something, if the mom is letting them get infested with lice constantly, then telling the kids they may be infested with lice and checking is in no way lying, distorting the truth, or trying to shape their opinion of the other party... thats just good hygiene in my opinion.
Thanks. I guess the checking
Thanks. I guess the checking is okay as long as I don't go into the rant that's always on the tip of my tongue about how their mom is a lazy @#$%! for not getting them out of her house. After about the fifth time, I finally started making the kids do the cleaning - their sheets, bagging their stuffed toys, washing their clothes and told them, this also needs to be done at mom's house every time they get lice or they will keep getting them.
Just keeping my fingers crossed that maybe we can avoid all of it this time.
ah yes, you should most
ah yes, you should most definitely save the ranting for ST or after the children have left or gone to bed and are well out of any possiblity of ear shot. Im sure that it is very frustrating. Like i tell everone else - document everything, it has saved us more than once. Good luck.