A 22-year-old gets to keep her bedroom at Daddeee's house just like she likes it? Oh hell no. Decorate your house as you please. He may be too scared to speak up, but you don't have to be. Make that room into a guest room/office/woman cave, whatever you want!

My SD has no trouble telling her father what color to paint our bedroom, what kind of car to buy, when he should visit his sister, what recipe to try, what to name our dog, etc. It drives me bonkers. DH knows by now that if he starts anything with "SD says" I'm going to do NOT THAT. But he doesn't get mad about it these days. Early in our marriage he did.

Your SD should hold exactly zero power in your marriage. Why in the world does she get to dictate whether you can paint her old room or not? And why did your DH even ask her opinion or mention it to her? You and he decide what happens in your house.  It's not a shrine to SD.

Welcome to the site! Hello back. We are happy to see you - this club that no one wants to belong to.

I now have a term for my 22 year old stepdaughter . MINI WIFE. 

Ugh. Thats a hard one to overcome, it is much better to deal with early on. Daughter-wife, miniwife, emotional incest...so many names so little time.

My step daughter refuses to see her dad with me. So I stay back. There was no blow out. I have known her for ten years now. Her mother hates me. I met my husband after their divorce, but still she blames me. That has rubbed off on the daughter.

Staying back - we do this subconciously, because most often we dont know quite how to deal with this, and further our partners often blameshift and gas light, so we think that we are crazy for feeling how we feel. And it gradually gets worse over time until somehow, we dont know HOW it happened, but we are inexplicably filled with resentment. That we somehow have to deal with. Alone.

Firstly, SD refusing to see her dad without you is emotional blackmail. Your husband should not have acquiesced to her demands of having him all to herself without his WIFE. Your place is by his side. As his WIFE. You should not have "stayed back". That gave her too much power.

The daughter tells my husband what to do and he does it. She never comes to our house, but she still tries to control it. I am talking decorating, renovations. Why does she care, she never comes over. I get angry at my husband because he listens to her. Its like I have no say. We usually argue and I eventually get my way, but still its so ridiculous she has a say. Like when I wanted to redecorate her room, the one she hasnt seen in two years! My husband said she was mad to hear that so dont touch it. That argument he won.

Again, its about POWER. You are the woman of the house. Take back your power. Take over that room. No argument necessary, just do it. Easier to ask forgiveness than permission. Explain the logic later. She doesnt stay there. This is YOUR house. Have a VERY long heart to heart talk with your husband about what that means. She is his DAUGHTER, not to be elevated to WIFE status. You are his wife. He is very confused if he continues this ridiculousness.

Her birthday is next saturday. I just found out he is taking her for dinner with her mom!!! On saturday night. Of course I am not invited. I feel such resentment towards her. Yet I know my husband is the nutter to go with it.

Ok, so he is going on a double-date with his daughter and ex, without you his WIFE. Why exactly did he leave BM? Why exactly did he marry you. This would be a hard no. Sure he can have his relationship with his DD away from you and your home, somewhere else, but NOT with ex present. You need to really address all of this. Exactly who has your husbands balls in their purse?????

How do I get through the resentment??

You either leave or stay. You address all this with your husband. You do not merely stand back in the shadows, like a ghost that only comes out when convenient. You absolutely speak out.

When he got home from date night with his family. All of princesses belongings would be on the front lawn. Then you remind him you are the wife, not the child. And if he ever forgets his place in your life, his stuff goes next. Sorry guys you know I'm jaded to the mini wife stephell.

Your birthday is sacrosanct.

If he abandons you on your birthday for a manipulated reunion of his failed prior family he needs to understand that his key will not work when he returns home and he will be looking for his next wife.

PERIOD! DOT!

Do not tolerate one more second of this crap and make sure you have the most vicious killer shark of a cutthroat lawyer ready to destroy this ball-less wonder of a non man.

smh

The day my DH goes on a date with his ex-wife, I am done.

And buy one that's not contaminated by her?

I am so mad for you!  This birthday dinner w the ex - ugh, I'd be seeing red!!  That would be absolutely over the line for me.  If he goes on sat, not only would that adult girls room be redone to my liking, but that would be the last time he would ever get to sleep in my bed.

My DH would not agree to go to any meal or occasion from which I was specifically excluded, even if it is a SKID's birthday.  Sometimes I say I won't be going but I am ALWAYS invited.    You don't have to collude with your own exclusion.  

He doesn't get to play Happy Family with the ex wife .   Put your foot down.  

If I were you.....while they are all at the birthday dinner....I would be taking SDs room apart.....put it all in boxes in the garage.....end of story.

OP, what ended up happening?... if you care to share or are still on here. ( @Stepdrama2020 ) I'm so curious how this turned out!

This thread is validating for me too because years back my stepkid's mom was telling my DH that he has to have lunches and the like with his original family (and I can't come), and I put my foot down but felt unsure if I was doing the right thing or being selfish. One friend I had (who, when a teenager herself many years back, had treated her stepmom like shit and refused to step foot in her dad's new house, all at her own mom's direction) told me that I should NOT get in the way of those family outtings. I was so confused.