I've been thinking
I put a lot of thought into this after a certain commenter seems to have taken a deep concern with how I am treating my sd.
For those who don't follow, my sd is now 13. She has been treated pretty badly by her mom most of her life, but her biggest problem is mental illness. The kids is undiagnosed because of age. She has done a stint at the mental institution, and they would like to send her back, but dh won't do it (the hospital was not a good experience for us either).
I do not want to control my husband or my sd. I don't want to limit their time or interaction together. The mini wife and jealousy has gotten better. I do not have too many issues with BM because since we both have custody of a child, there is no CS. There is sometimes visitation issues, but nothing extreme.
What I do want is to be shown the level of respect as any other adult would be in this child's life. I want my husband to respect my opinion when it comes to his child, regardless of if he takes my advice or agrees. I want to have my home and belongings respected. I want to be treated at least as good as sd does the dog.
However, sd has mental problems. How severe we really won't know until puberty is over and a doctor can asses truly what mood swings are puberty and what are mental. It's been shown she has no remorse or empathy. She has all the factors for a sociopath, but they will not diagnose a child this young with that diagnosis. She is extremely violent and manipulative. Her mental problems is so many people's eyes is an excuse to allow the bad behavior. I don't agree. I think she should still be made to follow rules and be respectful. The school hardly makes her do anything because they are scared of her. Dh has gotten to the point he doesn't do anything because he doesn't want to see her sad.
I'm going to lose. Dh will chose sd, in all her manipulation over me, because she comes first. She said early on, right before we got married she reiterated, if she didn't want me around, all she had to do is tell dh and he would get rid of me.
I have loved this child, I truly have, but my heart aches.
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Comments
How sad. I'll be honest, I
How sad.
I'll be honest, I can't imagine what it would feel like knowing my DH would walk out on me if his kid said so. That really sucks.
I commented about physically moving a 13 year old and dropping her on the floor of her room. Perhaps I am the "certain commenter." I don't know.
It sounds like you have a lot of problems in the house. It also sounds like your DH doesn't really agree with the "no napping" rule because he doesn't want to see her sad.
If you really think this child is a sociopath, which is a dangerous, scary diagnosis, why would you physically engage her? I'd think that you'd be worried she'd lose her shit and attack you.
It's a fundamental problem
It's a fundamental problem when you even entertain the notion that there's someting going on you can't trust. And it hurts when you realize the lightening of that strike arrows down to a partner. It seems like a very long process to me, all the feelings and thoughts, all the reajustments of the relationship, I would not wish it upon anyone.
Thank you rags. That is
Thank you rags. That is exactly why they leave her undiagnosed. She is on medication, and meds help, however, like you said right now they aren't a miracle. They don't produce remorse or empathy, they don't completely control any behavior, and when a 13 has to be checked to make sure she is not to gluing her meds, there is a problem. As far as engaging her, she lives in my home. They won't commit her at this point long term. I'm not going to be walked on by a kid, mentally I'll or otherwise. Dangerous, yes, however, she's a kid, and I deal with bigger and badder mentally I'll people every day at work. Should I just allow her to do as she wishes and no longer have rules? That's probably every 13 year olds dream. I'm not arguing about my parenting style. My previous post was about a disrespectful, non-compliant child and a husband who flip flopped on an agreed upon rule. I will no longer entertain posts from SAF if they are not constructive. I don't come to a venting site to list all the ways I am "there"for my sd, or all the things I do when she does behave. So lay off.
*tonguing, not gluing
*tonguing, not gluing
Probably she's borderline,
Probably she's borderline, but of course can't be dx til 18. Were she actually Axis II Anti Social, she wouldn't have bothered to tell you that. I'm not sure, Rags, what you posted, but I would respect your opinion without knowing the content. Rags is a person to listen to on this site. This girl does not to me seem actually sociopathic, her goals are too simple, blunt, easily discernable. She's definitely Axis II, in cluster C, without my DSM before me. Document and identify behavior, behavior, behavior. That's what lays the groundwork going forth, you know.
Sorry I must have responded
Sorry I must have responded wrong on names. I respond a lot in the middle of the night. We follow the psychiatrist, and 2 counselors recommendations when it comes to meds. No one wants their kids on meds. But I can almost guarantee you she would have hurt someone else by now if she wasn't on them.
Ugh. This sounds terrible for
Ugh. This sounds terrible for you. I hope you can find a way to take good care of yourself.