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Starryeyed's picture

Ss is now 15. Recently had big exams in school. 40 is a pass this kid got an average of 41-44 per cent in all of his exams. He’s not studying - every night husband rang him before his exams he was watching Netflix. This is from a kid who should be getting As in everything - he’s super intelligent so very different to him just not being able. Every comment from his teachers was a lack of effort. He actually got an F in one subject because he never even handed in a project and it’s project based. 

Husband has tried to make him do homework. Bm stopped him bringing his books out “in case he lost them”. So I know dh is feeling helpless about what is going on with ss at the minute. 

bm rang husband yesterday and said she has been called into school a couple of times since January as the school are threatening to not have ss back in September due to his behaviour, bm was very vague as to what ss has done. This is the first we have heard about it. We have ss every Sat and sun. He stays with his grandparents on a Friday. She told husband he should be coming to us on a Friday as well. God forbid she’s spend some time with him herself.

 

this always happens. Bm never tells my husband anything until it gets really bad. Then my husband blows up at ss and then bm backtracks so my husband is the bad guy. It’s been a pattern over the last few years.

more worryingly is ss has become threatening to bm and his stepdad. Making comments like they can’t do anything “because he’s bigger than them”. I’ve never once seen this behaviour from him - shitty yes, he will literally get out of the car and not say goodbye to me or his two year old brother who is crying because he is leaving. But I’ve never seen aggressive behaviour like that.

 

wondering what happens from here? School is out for Easter so husband will have to schedule a meeting with the principle himself as bm is obviously not reliable at giving information. 

 

Really hoping he he can turn this around for himself before it’s too late. 

Comments

DaizyDuke's picture

"Bm never tells my husband anything until it gets really bad. Then my husband blows up at ss and then bm backtracks so my husband is the bad guy. It’s been a pattern over the last few years."

This was the rerun with SS19 and BM2.  She'd wait until issues with SS were totally out of control, then she'd want DH to do something about it.  Like the time he got "arrested" for shoplifting at 13.  BM wanted DH to do something.  So DH brings SS to our new house and makes him help clean out all the chicken and goat crap that the previous owners left in the barn as punishment and of course speaks to him about his poor choices etc.  SS goes back to BM and tells her what he had to do and BM goes postal on DH for upsetting the poopsie.  Another episode... BM calls DH on SS 14th birthday, because DH was planning on taking him out for breakfast but SS is MIA.  According to BM, her BF dropped SS off at his older brothers(not DH's)the previous night and now she can't get a hold of him and doesn't know where he is.  So DH goes and drives around BM city for over an hour, calling him, trying to find him.  Finally tracks him down at some apartment where he had apparently been all night drinking and smoking dope.  SS says his battery died on his phone.  DH blows a gasket, as obviosuly SS behavior is getting more and more out of control, reads him the riot act, brings him back to our house, has a nice father to son talk with him (after SS slept all day) and then took him back to BM's  Within hours BM is on the phone, telling DH his is terrible father, why did he upset SS, why does he have to yell at him.. blah blah blah.  There are at least 20 more "episodes" but you get the point.  Every single time DH ends up the bad guy and BM ends up the savior. 

SS19 is now a high school drop out, with no job, no car, no money, who lives with BM and smokes dope, plays video games and sleeps all day every day.  Sure that BM blames everything on DH (and me) She told DH's Aunt when she was here last May that her boy toy husband was trying to get SS a dishwasher job at the hotel that he works at.  2 weeks ago, she told MIL the same thing.  Are dishwasher jobs really THAT difficult to get???    *fool*

thinkthrice's picture

Here over in Girhippo country.  All three skids were never parented.  School/class work and attendance was merely a serving suggestion and absolutely optional!!

Lord knows how SD19 is doing in remedial grade school community college (RGSCC) as she told registrar under no circumstances should Chef get her status reports (even though FERPA says it's ok due to tax status)  meanwhile, Chef pumps out the CS to the Gir on her behalf.

YSS15  is a chronic truant and all of his grades say "not working to ability" "does not seek extra help as he should"  "inconsistency in class work and failure to turn in assignments"  "absenteeism"

The Gir couldn't care less.  I'm sure StepDaddyBigBucks will want YSS15 living in their basement for the rest of his life.

The Gir turned us in to CPS (when she was working there as a caseworker) because Chef had the skids empty their small wastepaper baskets in their rooms and pick up a few twigs in the yard for about 20 minutes.  (age inappropriate work duties)

Oh and he put SD in time out (then 9 years old) for kicking YSS (then 5) in the face.   How DARE he discipline his OWN CHILDREN!   The Gir saw to it that we never received the report so we could refute it and she used her pull to launch the report straight up the flagpole to the NYS Child Abuse and Maltreatment Registry.  The other day Chef was trying to take credit for shutting THAT little ditty down, but I corrected him.  Reminded him that HE didn't think it was such a big deal at the time and took me almost a YEAR after contacting our DA and various political figures to get it overturned as the malarky it was!!