Someone here used to use that term...she was hilarious. It's funny but it's true. I once tried to pull the "golden uterus" thing with my bioson and his stepmom. I saw the hurt,painful look on her face and immediately felt like a total ass and apologized. I was even a stepmom at the time which made it even more shameful. I was trying to take away her right to run her own home just because she was "graced" with the presence of "my little angel" EOW. It was pathetic of me and a low blow stemming from my own insecurity. I had never given her a reason to hate me before that moment and totally blew it for myself. Luckily she accepted my apology and we moved on. I couldn't make heads or tails of what the heck was going on in that board so I couldn't even comment and just left. *sniffle*felt like i was cheating on steptalk just by being there for a few minutes!! I'm so weird!

Work out your own salvation. Do not depend on others. ~Buddha

i agree with you completely. I am in exactly the same boat. I do everything I can for my ss. I have taken him to so many places, i sit and read to him, and teach him words, and somehow we have no right to anything and are a bother because "they didnt ask for the help." It's not about asking, its about helping each other out and making the best of this less than ideal situation for the kids. I think I sometimes do more for him than my own bd because I feel like he is missing something that his mother wont give him and my daughter has everything she needs.His mother is too busy "working" at all hours at her part-time job, or eating lunch with her friends, or doing anything else that will not require her to be with her son.

Believe me, I have tried to make amends with BM for my ss, and for the sake of my DH so that he gets to have a healthy relationship with his son, but BM refuses to allow it, even going to the extent of telling me to F*** off when I attempted to call it a truce for my ss and his half sister (my BD) to be close and see each other more often. Oh well... we can only try so much, and its her loss for losing such valuable time with her son.

The daycare teacher at my SS's daycare asked me if I was his mom (hes been going there for almost 2 yrs!) because she had never met her or seen her drop him off (her mom does). We can only continue to work for this kids as much as we can and try to let it go... eventhough im seeming to have a terrible problem with letting things go too... god grant me patience....

if you ever need to vent, feel free to get a hold of me... your blog seemed like something I would write

oh well... thank god for this site to at least vent and get it off my chest!

The first time I had the balls to post something. The debate board wasn't up yet and the stepmothers boards was a battle ground. I was like all noob's, I had so much pent up frustration and just wanted to get it out. But the main issue was that OSS was flunking school and was being threatened to be held back again, 6th grade I think. I work for the Higher Education System in my state and have contacts. I was able to hook him up with tutors at the local college and since my bios were grown, I would pick him up at BM's, take him to the college and BF would pick him up. Gave me something to do on my days off and I thought it was the right thing to do ya know.

So in my first ivill post, I am bashed for doing this, it wasn't my place and I wasn't a parent blah, blah, blah. These women were vicious...nothing like here. So fast forward to next school year...lady calls about tutoring and Bf asks BM but the kid is making straight A's, B's and doesn't need help. found out later he had an A in gym, art, B in music.....flunking everything else.

I couldn't imagine a woman that wouldn't want their kids to excel in school if it meant the "SM" was helping out. If it had been me, man my kids education comes first.

which is why I stick to the Love and Relationships boards (where I am a Community Leader ).
What people don't understand is that it isn't so cut and dry. You have SMs who have DHs who are custodial who share more of the "mom" role, and you have SMs who have skids that live across country and only see skids on holidays and summer vacay. So to give the same "hands off" advice to everyone just doesn't make sense. Noone's family dynamic is that black and white.
When my skids are with us, I treat them the same way I do my son (cooking, cleaning after, etc). If FH has to work on his visitation time, I watch them. I enforce general house rules, that EVERYONE has to abide by.
BUT, I make no decisions in their education, extra curricular, schedule changes etc. I just get a heads up and for that I am satisfied. I have enough on my plate. Since my skids have both parents who are active in their lives, I politely step aside and let FH handle what he needs to. I am just there for moral and emotional support.
Of course, that is what works for me and my family. But it may not necessarily work for any of you. KWIM?

our number of "guest users" has shot up to nearly 200 all day long...interesting

Work out your own salvation. Do not depend on others. ~Buddha

well other than the self-righteous holier-than-thou attitude of the sacred vag-s over there it would have to be the HUMONGOUS signatures with stupid pics of lolcats or other inane graphics. They're so annoying.

Also, following a thread is a complete nuisance even in outline mode.

I really like the layout here. Thanks Admin and Dawn!

who wants to be nasty and who will take crazy?

I am amazed at the level of mature convos and advice/support that is given on here. It, to me, is more like a bunch of women having a bitch fest than anything else. Even when someone is being real, it is given and taken without the F U attitude.

I remember there was one woman that had a uterus in her signature...needless to say she was ripped to shreds, lol.
TBH, some of the other boards, like 1st and 2nd graders and ADHD kids have been helpful.
But others, like the blended families one, where the leader gets roasted EVERYTIME she posts something, even though she has been "mom" to her stepson since he was a baby, make me want to stay away.
That's why I like you guys

I too visited briefly after the shitstorm between some lady named SAM and I think it was disillusioned.
First, the pics and the cartoons were retarded. Second you couldn't really read a thread without having to scroll thru 20" long "signatures".
I'll stick with ST.
I find that some BM's will refuse to take responsibility for the things they do. I am both. The BM and the SM.
I tell my ex all the time that he is the luckiest man alive because I could give 2 damns what he does with his life. He rarely sees my BS anymore. He speaks with him on a daily basis but doesn't help much financially either. Honestly? Yes, I wish I could get a fat paycheck for my son every week. Unfortunately, I don't. He's on and off jobs and I don't see the point in getting a CO for CS that he won't be able to keep. Therefore only causing more of a strain in our semi-civilized relationship. I see no point in getting his drivers license suspended or his credit score ruined. It serves me no purpose to get his passport cancelled or have him arrested for failure to pay. I gave birth to my child. Could I use the help? YES. Will my child be shoeless, naked and starving because his dad can't pay CS? NO FREAKING WAY, not while I am alive and breathing.
He loves his son. And when he is doing okay financially he does what he can. I know he feels like shit for not being able to help more but it is what it is.
Some BM's take that and run with it. IT'S HIS RESPONSIBILITY, IT'S HIS KID. Crock of shit. It's BOTH of our responsibilities. Personally? My sons EMOTIONAL relationship with his dad is far more important to me than the financial one. I asked the ex to come see our son play football. He showed up alone. I asked him where was his family? He seemed thrown off by that. I am married, why would I care if he showed up with his GF and his SD? I told him "Next time bring your family." That way he won't have to sit in the stands alone while I am with my husband and all my friends.
My son was ecstatic to see his dad there. What do I gain by telling my son..."your dad doesn't give me money. he has a wife and a SD and he doesn't have money or time for you." WHO exactly would I be hurting? I am SORRY, I love my boy WAY too much to do that damage. I go as far as covering for the dad. If he can't come see him I'll make something up. WHen he gets older he can come to his own conclusions but I will not be responsible for brainwashing my boy against his dad. It's just the way I am made.
Too bad there aren't more of me out there. We'd be a much happier group of women.

I too visited briefly after the shitstorm between some lady named SAM and I think it was disillusioned.
First, the pics and the cartoons were retarded. Second you couldn't really read a thread without having to scroll thru 20" long "signatures".
I'll stick with ST.
I find that some BM's will refuse to take responsibility for the things they do. I am both. The BM and the SM.
I tell my ex all the time that he is the luckiest man alive because I could give 2 damns what he does with his life. He rarely sees my BS anymore. He speaks with him on a daily basis but doesn't help much financially either. Honestly? Yes, I wish I could get a fat paycheck for my son every week. Unfortunately, I don't. He's on and off jobs and I don't see the point in getting a CO for CS that he won't be able to keep. Therefore only causing more of a strain in our semi-civilized relationship. I see no point in getting his drivers license suspended or his credit score ruined. It serves me no purpose to get his passport cancelled or have him arrested for failure to pay. I gave birth to my child. Could I use the help? YES. Will my child be shoeless, naked and starving because his dad can't pay CS? NO FREAKING WAY, not while I am alive and breathing.
He loves his son. And when he is doing okay financially he does what he can. I know he feels like shit for not being able to help more but it is what it is.
Some BM's take that and run with it. IT'S HIS RESPONSIBILITY, IT'S HIS KID. Crock of shit. It's BOTH of our responsibilities. Personally? My sons EMOTIONAL relationship with his dad is far more important to me than the financial one. I asked the ex to come see our son play football. He showed up alone. I asked him where was his family? He seemed thrown off by that. I am married, why would I care if he showed up with his GF and his SD? I told him "Next time bring your family." That way he won't have to sit in the stands alone while I am with my husband and all my friends.
My son was ecstatic to see his dad there. What do I gain by telling my son..."your dad doesn't give me money. he has a wife and a SD and he doesn't have money or time for you." WHO exactly would I be hurting? I am SORRY, I love my boy WAY too much to do that damage. I go as far as covering for the dad. If he can't come see him I'll make something up. WHen he gets older he can come to his own conclusions but I will not be responsible for brainwashing my boy against his dad. It's just the way I am made.
Too bad there aren't more of me out there. We'd be a much happier group of women.