Well my friend watches our DD14mo. I have been having some financial troubles. Yes I say I because DH and I dont have joint accounts..etc. I have CS to pay so does DH. I have to pay 50/50 on medical which the judge order $70 a month plus $50 a month for ex's lawyer fees. Long story but ExH lied about giving me paperwork, couldn't produce anything but hey let's side with EXH (manwhore).

It seems that since DD has been born, I am responsible for her. I'm not sure how DH came to the conclusion that I should be footing the entire bill but it's pretty apparent this is how he feels. My friend has been working with me, like no other daycare will. She even agreed to watch DD while I was away for a week for work. So I now owe her $500, I do not have it. I can muster up maybe $200. I haven't paid the judge order medical for November because honestly I DO NOT HAVE IT. On top of that, the govt is saying we may be laid off in December because the budget hasn't been settled and congress is saying outloud, they will stalemate the president.

2 weeks ago DH left to go 3-4 hours away out of state to work for the week. I told DH I was broke, not kidding I had $1.48 in my checking account. I asked DH for $10 because I bought a filter for the house, I hadn't budget it, couldn't afford it. He asks why I need it, WHAT?

Now since DD has been born I have paid the daycare all but $100, she's been watching her now a year. I have paid for all but 3 things of formula and 3 things of diapers. If I ask DH for money, he wants to know what I spent MY money on. I didn't share checking accounts and money with him because EXH took money, overdrew our accounts, so I didn't want to go through that again.

Here is the kicker, HE (dh) bought a house last december, I couldn't put my name on it because EXH ruined my credit when he abandoned our family home. Court did nothing by the way and I had an agreement that said he needed to take over payments. I pay the mortgage, all but $25 of it. DH says he can't afford to pay the mortgage because he has to pay his bills which consist of 2 car payments (1 I drive) but I didn't ask him to buy. My car is broken down and he didn't want to fix it because its a 1999 with over 200,000 miles.

I have tried repeatedly to make him understand I can't do this anymore. I'm going to end up in court again because I can't pay the stupid $70 and $50. My friend may end up not watching our daughter because I can't pay her the full amount. My cell was turned off last week, so I have to pay that fully (the bill includes his parents phones they can't afford) or else I will loose the only phone I have. DH called when I told him my phone was shut off complaining his parents would be upset because they give me the $20 a month, yo stupid, it's $35 to include taxes. I dont fuss over it because his parent's have given me a loan last year to help me out with CS stuff when I was laid off. I say loan but they aren't asking me to repay them.

My friend told me today, she's not one to get involved. I should find a place closer to work, just leave and it would be better. Once our DD was born it's like he decided he "had" me and turned into a person, I seriously don't even like most of the time. I am miserable, broke beyond and he goes away again to work today back 3-4 hours away. He comes home tonight and I know it's going to be a huge fight. I told my friend about everything and I apologized but I understand she needs the money too. I hadn't been telling her all the stuff because she has a great husband, me #2 and they both suck.

I guess this is just a vent and a crying moment for me. I can't get ahead, hell I can't even make the ends meet. DH did give me the $50 card for his phone activiation, which I've used for gas and parking this week, plus food, we have nothing at home barely, so I bought some cheap stuff at work.

I know alot of people have to deal with financial issues but DH has 5 credit cards, 1 he doesn't even know I know about. He seems to always have some money or way to pay for what he wants, needs or for skid shit.

I know I will hear leave, I can't seriously my credit score is so low no one will rent to me. I dont have family as I was abused as a child, so no contact with any of them, except a cousin who already has 4 kids living in a 3 bedroom home, her oldest just went to college, so it was 5. Her husband is muslem and I can't live there, because I dont follow those rules. He's not a mean man, it's just his rules, religion is different than mine.

I feel horrible today and knowing I had to face my friend about my financial problems has made it worse. It's simple for her, ask DH, her's would work 5 jobs if it meant she wanted something or needed it. The writing is on the wall, and this marriage is ending, whatever part of it was ever a marriage. I feel bad for MIL/FIL because if I leave, they will loose the land they gave US even though it's in his name. FIL wouldn't give it to him before because he knew his son, he asked me 10 times would I be able to do it.

I really hate this life and what I've become. My daughter is young and doesn't know what's going on yet but my older kids would just loose it if they didn't see DH anymore, they love him and don't know any of this. I guess I know why my health is failing. The stress of my life is going to kill me slowly but it's going to kill me. I already have a constant back ache, my migranes are back (been gone since HS) and I had stomach issues yesterday and today for no reason.

I pray for DH to hear me, really hear me and see the light. It's not happening.