I'm hotter than hell right now! PLEASE HELP
Okay last week my stepsons mom called to ask if we could switch days days and times due to him starting school. We agreed. We usually have him on wednesday nights but had switched to tuesday nights instead. Well tuesday came and we completely spaced it out. We remember 20 minutes after we were suppose to pick him up. SO we called and apologized for the confusion and asked if we could come pick him up still. She said NO! And was rude to my husband. We did not want to fight so we asked if we could make up the time another night since she would not agree to let us get him that night. SHe said that thursday was the only day that would work with her schedule. We agreed. So I got a call from her at luch today. Saying how upset Jacob was that we forgot him and that he thinks that his dad doesn't love him. I explained to her how badly we felt and that we would talk with ss tonight. Well she wouldn't let it go and was making it seem as though this is something that happens a lot or something. Which is absolutly untrue. I told her this. That I was offened that she was making it seem as though we are irresponsible with him. And that we still wanted to pick him up that night but she would allow us to. SHe replied that after we are 20 minutes late with no call "they move on with their day." We just stared agruing so I hung up. I know it sound childish but... I really don't want to fight with her. So she calls right back and I don't answer. SHe demands that I call back immediatly becasue "she is not done speaking and has more issues to talk about." Should I call her back or wait for her to write one of the nasty letters that she is so good at? I need quick advice.. My fear is that if I don't call back she will refuse to allow my ss to visit tonight. HELP??
- skye22's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
What about DH?
Can you have your husband call her? It may help to diffuse the situation and he should take some (all?) of the heat too.
I told him what happend and
I told him what happend and he said that he isn't going to argue with her either. Sometimes it really sucks becasue they wont deal with eachother and I am turned into the middle man. He won't call and even if he did she won't talk with him.
I would
If you do not want to argue with her then do not answer the phone.. But I can tell you if it were me I would remind her that in the first place she is the one who switched the nights.. I would also let her know that you and your husband did not have too switch nights. I mean if you two can compromise how come she cannot. She sounds like my husbands first ex..
If she sends a letter let her.. Keep it for your records in case something with court ever transpires.
I am sure your step son was upset but for lordy sakes if it does not happen a lot do you think he was really that upset or was she because she did not have total control.
I would also point out to her that she is the mother of this child but that she does not control you and your husbands lives..
I think her issue is she called and you defended your home and she was expecting you to basically kiss her ass.
Sorry little blunt there.
I'd say if you are pist call her back and let it rip. If you just don't want to cause any riffs let it be and let her A. send a letter or B. call and talk to your husband..
She sounds like a bitch.. For lordy sakes 20 minutes and she will not let you have him. Its all about control.. Your house working around her schedule..
I would put my foot down. You do not have to take that crap.. Hope I helped..
Thanks for the advice. It's
Thanks for the advice. It's just so frustrating sometimes. And I am afraid of what other issues she has pulled out her a@# this time. I think that I will just let the storm pass and try and stay out of its path. We can't win with this woman.
Don't call back!
First things first, I don't think that you should be the one communicating between dad and biomom...it just easily ignites things. It is true that she is being unreasonable, it is totally reasonable that you guys spaced picking up your ss because it was a different night than usual. You shouldn't feel so guilty, it was a complete accident, because it was out of your normal schedule.
Secondly, if she is so unreasonable and refuses to be flexible with a genuine accident, then go back to Wed. nights. Whatever her problem is with you having ss on Wed. is something she will have to get over...you can't ask to switch nights, then turn and be completely unreasonable.
Thirdly, when your dh calls her and she is yelling and screaming...just hang up. Neither one of you should speak to her on the condition she can't hold an adult conversation. When she calms down and can speak to you like an adult, then you guys can discuss things. You should not give into her demands simply because she wants to yell at you. Nothing will piss her off more, then to NOT be acknowledged!
I would not even remotely call her back..she can get over with whatever is bothering her on her own...
The thing is that the girl
The thing is that the girl calls my work to talk about ss stuff. And at home my husband can even answer the phone and she asked to talk with me. I think that this is becasue my husband dosen't take any crap. SHe starts up and he tells her what he thinks and hangs up. I on the other hand try to meet in the middle. My husband says that she knows this and takes advantage of me. I think that after this I am going to write her my own letter telling her that I no longer want to be in the middle of issues concerning the ss. The parents need to work things out. I have my own son and life. Is that mean?
Not at all.
Maybe if you do like your husband does maybe she will leave you alone as well..
Try it and see.. Also let her know that.. You have your own son and stuff and if its not like her issues are hes injured or anything.. It sounds like she just comes up with stuff just to talk to you guys.. What a wacko..
I just really hate that she
I just really hate that she has this kind of affect on me. My heart is still beating 100 miles a minute. She just creates a level of anxiety in me that is really frustrating. I'm sure many of you can relate.
I think that I am even more
I think that I am even more upset becasue while she was calling to fight with me my sons babysitter called to say that he had a really high fever and that I should come pick him up. I was on my way to get him, and here I am having to put up with her crap. I just fell like SCREAMING, why does the world seem to have to revlove around my ss. I'm sorry everyone. As you can tell I really need a drink
You don't need this
One thing that use to really boggle me, and even piss me off, was how my dh would never lose his cool with his ex gf. He never really showed any emotion whenever she was pulling her bullshit. This woman use to be pure evil..now she is just plain dumbass. I often wondered if he even loved his son because she would just torment us by using my ss, hiding him, punching my dh for all the money she could (after all that is why she got pg- she needed her meal ticket) and my dh would just simply ignore every move she made as if he could care less.
Then one day, my dh and I were in counseling, and I needed to know why he didn't respond to his ex the way I was expecting him to, and the therapist said the most important thing ever...he said "you can't reason with insanity.."
You are so upset because you are being reasonable with an impossible person. You feel like you are failing, like you are not trying hard enough, like you are "wrong" for being in the situation at all...guess what...you are none of these...you are just dealing with insanity..
Take a deep breath, go for a walk, try to relax, try to let go...you did everything in your power to make the impossible work. Her goal is to make you miserable, and as long as you become upset you are making her a success. Focus on making her a failure by not letting her upset you!!!
Thanks!
Thanks for the compliments and hugs! I have endured a lot, and it makes it wonderful to share and help others. I'm glad I'm helping at least one person!
I too wish I had some guidance when the ex was more psycho!
Bests to you...
OMG can I..
the father of my children was married before me and his ex could piss me off like no tomorrow.. And for a long time I barely said anything about her.. I mean to him I would but I would get mad and just keep it inside.. Then one day I just knew she would be calling because to be a witch to her I put a note in the sons bag going back to her house.. It just said that I had washed his clothes.. ect and thanks and my name.. Oh my she was MAD. anyways she called the barn expecting my ex to answer but I did instead. She basically said I want to talk to him and I said hes not here, he was he was looking at me the whole time.. She told me that I had no business in anything to do with there son. Thats when my little demon came out she did not get one word in for like 20 minutes.. I gave it to her good I think she was everything but a white woman when I got done.. I even referred to her as being a girl not a woman.. Needless to say this fight lasted a few months.. But I stood my ground. Her son loved me very much. and I loved him too. i still see him till this day. The final fight came to blows when I got pregnant with our first child, she called after she found out from her son and had the nerve to tell me that I should have asked the son first.. ok he was 6 yrs. old at the time.. I fouhgt with her for 2 days on that. The end of the fight happened when I finally told her that what my husband and I did in our bedroom was our business and had nothing to do with her at all. Do you know that after all that and I mean we fought for a good year and 1/2 I finally won the battle and her and I became very close friends.. Me and my children would travel to her house and stay and we'd go shopping with all our kids. And I still see my ex SS today. He takes my kids with him places.. Its cool.
Now my husband now.. I don't want to be friends with his ex, because she will want to have family dinners and shit. and I do not want her to think she is still family. I know that they have 2 children together and we will have functions where we will all have to be but no.. I don't like her and a lot has to do with she wants him back.. And that is crossing my line.. You know..
I am not sure if my stories helped you or not. But I know that by me putting my foot down she stopped walking all over us.. My ex is a push over at least he was with her.. I never do any of that crap to him so he doesn't have to be a push over.
Hey thanks! I feel much
Hey thanks! I feel much better today. I decided not to call back after all. We did however get a nasty letter last night. We had a talk with my stepson and explained the situation, and he understood. I was concerned that in her letter she repeatidly said "you forgot him" and "being forgotten." I think that she was pushing this thought down his throat. We explained to him that we did not forget him, we forgot about scitching the days last week. ANd he was fine. SHe also said that he doesn't think that his dad loves him. WHATEVER... as long a my stepson knows the truth we don't have to make her believe it. I feel good today. I really wanted to let her have a peice of my mind but I really didn't want to give her control over me. That is what she wants - to make us crazy! Thanks everyone for all your help!!!!
I'm Glad
you feel better today. I'm really happy you had a chance to control the situation and explain what really happened to your ss.
Remember one thing...actions speak louder than words. Even children know this. She can tell him that his father doesn't love him (which is really cruel btw), or that you guys forgot him, repeatedly..but by demonstrating your love by being consistent, calm, patient, and caring, your ss knows that you both really love him. Eventually, ss will look at his bm when she is talking and KNOW she is full of shit. My ss is 12, and doesn't believe his bm EVER...and he tells her that...
Good for you for staying calm. It is very challenging when you have a bunch of craziness thrown at you, but you take yourself to higher levels by just ignoring her stupidity. You deserve a big pat on the back!
I wouldn't call her back,
I wouldn't call her back, have your husband deal w/her from now on. I know you'll feel like the middle person all the time, I've been there before. I don't talk to ex, I let my husband do all the talking. She'll always find ways to upset you and by talking to her it gives her an opportunity to do so. So don't talk to her from now on. If she wants to say something to you then tell her to write you a letter or email you. That way you have evidence if anything should occur.
-happy mom