Christmas is coming! *sigh*
This is going to be interesting...
We have a set budget for Christmas gifts for SD and DS...period...
I just got a shipment from DS's "aunt" (my best friend from back home)for DS (she got him Koto the Triceratops...). I also have A LOT of gifts from his birthday earlier this month that he hasn't opened yet. There were so many that we decided to put some away for Christmas. We decided that since DS already has gifts, we'd put his budget towards buying my grandma a plane ticket to come visit us (she's 85), that's why we held back some of his gifts. We also know that this is probably the only year we'd be able to get away with something like that, lol.
I was completely overwhelmed by all the gifts he's gotten so far...and that's not including gifts from my side of the family that will be shipped as well...
Sooo...here's my quandary...
Even if we tripled the budget for SD (which we couldn't) she won't have near the gifts DS has...1/2 of me says that between what she gets from us and DH's family(if they do something) and BM and that side of her family, she'll have plenty...BUT the other 1/2 of me says that we need to do something so she wont be jealous...
Good grief...
Overall, I think that this is the dynamic of her life that she's going to have to adjust to and deal with...I remember going over my dad's house (with my step mother) and only a few presents under the tree were for us...My step sister and 1/2 siblings had the lion's share...I don't know what it was, but I did have a pang of jealousy, but I'd always think, "Oh yeah...I've got a gang of stuff at moms and grandmas...". It was something I knew and got over very quickly...I think that's something she has to learn as well...
DH isn't Disney dad, and he has no problem with the set up, as he found himself in the same situation when visiting his dad and stepmom and 2 1/2 brothers for Christmas, and as he says, he came out alright. He says she has to learn, understand and accept the dynamic...
I get it...but this will be our first time having to deal with this...and I'm cringing...
*sigh*
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That's what we do... I just
That's what we do...
I just had no idea he'd get so many gifts from his birthday...
My mom has established a college fund for DS that family adds to as that's our preferred place for gifts...This is DH's first REAL Christmas, and while everyone puts $$ into his fund, they always want to "get him a little something"...I've really never had to actually buy DS anything...Actually, now that I think of it, his birthday last year was the same way, but he actually had NO toys at all...seriously...So we used those (and that's what he has now)...
We don't do extravagant...at all...
The budget for SD and DS is $50...seriously...
I COULD...but why? My DS
I COULD...but why? My DS isn't going to miss out, neither am I going to keep my friends and family from the experience of doing for him...I TOTALLY don't agree with that...
Conversely, DH COULD talk to his VERY able family and have them step it up...*shrugs*
Again...DH and I grew up in this situation and got it...It's her turn...My blog is only about knowing it's time for her to "get it" and I'm not looking forward to the experience...
We get along fine... It's a
We get along fine...
It's a process...Again...3rd time...DH and I went through the same thing...We had to "get it" and we're okay...I am in love with my step mom also...as is DH...It's SD time to learn and grow from the dynamic as well...It's just not going to be easy...It has nothing to do with folks "getting along"...that wasn't even the point...
And who is "they"...Christmas hasn't gotten out of hand...
but thanks...
Overwhelmed by people's
Overwhelmed by people's generosity...
Thank you...YOU get it... I
Thank you...YOU get it...
I promise I went through this same thing growing up, and I don't have any animosity or negative feelings for how it went down...I LOVE my step mom, and Christmas at their home was VERY unbalanced if one wanted to look at it that way...BUT we had to learn and understand the dynamic...I'm not sure if my step mom had anxieties...I really need to ask her that the next time I talk to her...lol...
Skid will be with us from Christmas Eve until New Years Eve...I'm not changing how things are done...Seriously...I'm not going to make my DS feel like he has to be something else or hide...I'm not teaching him that...DH and I weren't treated like that and turned out well, and I'll follow the same successful example...
I'm with the OP. I wouldn't
I'm with the OP. I wouldn't down play the gift giving.
I wonder how many would be ok with this if SD were the one with the lion's share of gifts.
Probably talk about how
Probably talk about how "unfortunate" SD's situation is and say that she deserves the "extras"...
I should have said
I should have said steptalkers. I wonder how many would be ok with a SK getting more gifts than their BK.
I get what you're saying, and
I get what you're saying, and we (I) dwell on this each and every year. The Christmas at our house is the only "parent" Christmas my kids get. The SK's have ours and the one with their mom. The one thing I can be thankful for -- never ever ever since DH's divorce 14 or so years ago has he been "allowed" to have his kids on Christmas Eve or Christmas Day. Therefore, SK's never see what my kids open, how much they get, etc.
However, it's the DH I deal with... as he thinks if I spend "x" amount on my kids, his kids should get the same amount to which I disagree. I refuse to pare down my kids' one and only Christmas just to make it equal to the SK's that usually show up about 4 days later.
My take was that the skids
My take was that the skids have 2 Christmases. BM never seemed to want them on the holidays so they were with us on Xmas Eve and Xmas Day. I never tried to hide the fact that my bios got more gifts on Xmas morning. My family sent gifts for bios to open at home. I reminded skids that they had already had a "Christmas" at BM's and Santa had left gifts for them at 2 houses. When they showed up at our house on the 23 or 24th loaded down with toys from BM's early Xmas it was hard for my much younger bios to understand but they got thru it. Now they are adults and still choose to spend Xmas here. Again as adults they do not get as many gifts as bios who are still kids. Life is not ever going to be fair and a parent the tries to make it so is not doing the kid any favors.
DH always gives SD money for
DH always gives SD money for Christmas, but doesn't seem to care that there's nothing for her to open, while we had tons of expensive gifts for each other that were obvious. And when we all went to my family's for the holiday (SD included) I had tons of presents for my niece and nephews. There was nothing there for SD either. DH didn't care. Now that we have our son, this year I wouldn't be surprised if SD gets more than him only because he's a baby and it's not like he'll be interested in much. We bought a few cute things for him, but nothing extravagant.
SD always got tons of gifts from BM, so I guess that's why DH never seemed to concern himself with lots of gifts for her. It was always either one nice gift like an iPod or something, or money (money was less than the iPod though).
It's very obvious in my mind that BS will get TONS more than SD soon, and not only will I not care, but it's up to DH if he will, and I imagine he won't. SD doesn't seem to care about gifts unless it's actual money.