Does anyone have an ex husband that introduces the children to new girls often?
I am getting concerned about this? Should I be? My 2 boys have been introduced to 3 or 4 girl friends since end of August. two of them he took away with on weekends with the boys, and another one they were going to her cottage after he got back from going away with one of the other ones....I don't understand why he is doing this. Our boys are 10 and 6. He only gets the boys Tuesday nights and alternating weekends..wouldnt you think he would want to do all his dating on his days off without the boys....I really don't want to say anything to ex husband, incase he says "oh youre jealous" and get into that nonsense.
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How are they introduced?
Are they introduced as girl friends or as girlfriends? Meaning, does he introduce them as love interests and potential new stepmoms or as just friends of his that happen to be female? Is there a lot of intimate, romantic displays of affection in front of them or is it kept casual in front of the boys? Could it be that he is just "trying them on" before making a major commitment and wanting to see how they get along with the boys before taking it to the next level?
I think it is probably okay for your ex to expose the kids to whomever he is dating, because it is important to see how that person interacts with his kids and vice versa. You wouldn't want him to marry someone, for example, who has zero interest in your children or who, even worse, hates being around them. I think if it's going to be a romantic date, then the boys probably don't need to be a part of it, but if it's a casual thing just to see if this new person he's dating fits in with the family he already has, then that might not be a bad thing. Overall, I think it probably just depends on his intentions.
When I was a single mom and re-entering the dating world, I did introduce my young son early to the new guys I dated so that I didn't waste any time on someone who would be an unsuitable step-father someday. There would be no displays of affection and I introduced them as, "My friend, John." If the guy was uncomfortable around my son or didn't seem particularly interested in spending time with US as opposed to just spending time with ME, then I knew he probably wasn't the right one.
Some men, especially ones who have been married, don't do terribly well on their own. Sometimes they are not even good at relating to their own kids without a female present, because they've always had the kids' mom there involved in the relationship with them. As long as it's not having a negative impact on the boys, it might be a good idea to just explain to them that unmarried people do date and that dating is a way to try out different people on for size so that they can find the right one to spend their lives with. They are both probably old enough to understand that dating is just something that unmarried grown-ups do.
~ Anne ~
Ooooooooooooooh yeah!
My 7 year old has been introduced to more "significant others" that I lost count at the 12th name he mentioned.
My second husband was (is?) a compulsive cheater. We divorced when my son was 1. Caught him cheating with the same girl he cheated on me with 8 years prior!!
I know, neither here nor there.
He left and immediately moved in with "the love of his life" and has continued to move house to house with different women. My poor son. The first girl was amazingly wonderful. He left me for her and I should have been angry. But I wasn't. I was finally in a place where I understoood that he was a chronic liar and I had accepted it. I felt sorry for her and the ride he was about to lead her on......
I explain it the best I can to my son. When he tells me that his Dad has a new gf, I grit my teeth, tell him that it is wonderful news, and walk away, silently blessing myself....
I have no control over his lovelife. Never did, come to think of it! LOL! Anyway, when and if my son expresses his pain from losing one of these ladies in his life, I guess I will just have to go into more detail. But for right now, I am the only one here who knows his Dad is a slut!
;0)
Janice