I’m so aggravated!
Hi everyone! I'm new here and just wanted to say I really appreciate having a place to go to talk to people who absolutely understand my frustrations!
So just a quick back story. I have been with my fiancé for 9 years and we will be getting married this October. He has an 11D and we have a 4D together. Early in our relationship we lived in the same state as his daughter and BM, but when I had my daughter I moved back to my home state to be close to my parents and he came with me. We would visit his daughter for birthdays and she would come out for holidays. Recently she had come to live with us for the school year. I'm not sure if it's guilt of him leaving the state, but when I say this man is Disneyland Dad, it's an understatement.
Today is the second day she stayed home from school because she's "sick". Yesterday she had the school nurse call my phone to tell me she wasn't feeling good and she couldn't taste anything. Ummmmm ok, and?!? Go back to class. So today, I find out that her Dad let her stay home. We get home and she's on the couch watching tv and now she is running back and forth with my 4 year old. I just looked at my fiancé and said " Guess she's feeling better,huh?" It's complete BS!! It frustrates me because I told him I am stepping back and letting him handle her. I help out and interject when I feel I need to but this is the type of crap that has me on the room writing this damn blog! Whew! Just had to share with my new friends! Thank God for you guys!
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Comments
We dealt with this with
We dealt with this with SDrama when she first moved in with us. There was always something wrong: my stomach hurts. My foot hurts. My arm hurts. I have a headache. On and on. Bc Skankula would allow her to just stay home constantly...just to either hang out bc they were besties or help her take of her siblings. My DH and I are luckily on the same page when it comes to school: unless you have vomiting/violent diarrhea, or a fever...you’re going to school. And she stopped her BS after she realized we didn’t play along. The whole “boy who cried wolf” game...
Is there a reason she doesn’t want to be at school? Is she having a hard time adjusting? Does she just want to be home with Daddeee? He’s not doing her any favors by not keeping a consistent routine and showing her: this is your responsibility: to go to school and learn.
She says she loves her school
She says she loves her school. I know it has taken her some time to meet new friends, but she has met a couple of girls that she gets along with. She's even had sleepovers at their houses. Daddy and I both work so she actually stays home alone. I told him today that he has to do better and stand strong. I told him the next time she says she is sick there will be no iPads or tv allowed. Stay in bed and rest all day... that's what sick people do! I'm tired of being the only one who can see through the BS!
Each to their own, but I
Each to their own, but I would not be comfortable leaving an eleven year old alone all day, especially one that claims to be sick. When my DH was a cop, they evaluated such situations on an individual basis, but I'd be worried about CPS finding out your SD is home unsupervised.
My first thought as well
This was my first thought as well. If DH is so concerned about her being sick, he should be home with her.
I have to agree with this. I
I have to agree with this. I wouldn't leave a sick 11 year old home alone. If they're sick enough to stay home, someone should be with them.
In my state, children can
In my state, children can stay at home at 10. She will be 12 in a few months so I nor my fiancé are worried about CPS. Also the point I was making is that she is staying home because of a stuffy nose! That's my issue and why I am frustrated with him.I would never leave a child at home if they couldn't describe what it is that was making them sick because you never know what it can be.
If you're truly stepping back
If you're truly stepping back, then do it. As long as his parenting choices aren't impacting you, don't worry about it.
However, this sick day routine, has the potential to impact you in a major way. Allow a child that age to stay home alone can be viewed as neglect. IF someone reports it to CPS, SD and your daughter could end up in foster care while you and your husband complete parenting classes.
The focus should be on dad hiring a sitter or taking off from work when his kid is home sick.
Yeah, I agree - 11 is too
Yeah, I agree - 11 is too young to stay home alone all day. Maybe for a couple hours after school, but not all day. And if you don't want CPS knocking on your door, might not want to do that again.
I agree to let go of how he parents, though - as long as it doesn't have a direct impact on you (which it might if your DD starts faking sick to stay home, too).
Is she anxious? Anxious kids feel sick with anxiety about school sometimes. Still has to go though.
Thanks for the advice but as
Thanks for the advice but as I stated before she is about to be 12 years old. In my state it is up to the parents dosgressiom after 10. We have already spoken with the proper people to insure that it was okay for her to stay home alone. Trust me, no one wants to deal with CPS. I never have and never will.
I do let my 12 yr old stay
I do let my 12 yr old stay home (which is close) when she is sick but I work less than a mile from home and go home every couple of hours to check on her.
As for the faker.. eh.. all kids do it from time to time. One thing that I have found that cuts our fake sick days is that I let me kids have 2 "mental" days per year. One per semester. I will schedule a doctor or dentist appointment 1st thing in the morning and they get the rest of the day. If I can swing it, we will do something together and play hookie. It is a bonding thing that I have always done and my parents did with me. I wouldn't overly worry about this instance, just make sure that you know that she was feeling pretty good and that she really needs to present in school. Next time she stays home she will have to have a fever, you won't believe an "I don't feel good".
Of course I will add that my kids work incredibly hard and are both damn near straight A students.