Totally different kid when here versus at BMs
Just this morning I have read several blog comments about step kids that act very different with you versus when they are with BM.
My stepdaughter does this when she's with BM she could care less about my husband, her baby half-sister or me. I figure that she isn't going to care about me but she doesn't even feign interest in her dad and less a holiday or her birthday is coming up. Other than that she is too busy to speak with him. I don't know what a 12 year old is so busy with but she always gives him the excuse if he eventually gets to speak with her that she just doesn't have time to talk to him.
Then when we have her it is all I miss you and I love you and generally being perfectly fine and content seeing us. if my husband asks her when he will see her again she will make it seem like she wants to come every other weekend or as much as possible. She's also all over her baby half-sister saying how much she loves her how cute she is and how she wants to be around her all the time.
Then she goes home and she's like a stranger. So is she acting when she's around us?
We used to think it was BM because she was intermediary and my DH had to go through her to talk to SD 12 but now that SD has her own phone this is entirely up to SD. I don't think it's about pleasing BM anymore I think this is just how SD is. Even my husband recognizes the Stark difference between how she acts when she's here versus when she's with BM.
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It's probably still about
It's probably still about pleasing BM and acting like she doesn't care about her father to make BM happy.
I guess, but BM doesn't even
I guess, but BM doesn't even know if they talk now.
When we got custody of Spawn
When we got custody of Spawn at 10 the brainwashing was complete and we were never really able to reach her. She acted like a normal person while living with us, but she had no loyalty for us. If Meth Mouth told her to lie about us Spawn would without question. It sounds like your SD has been conditioned and though she acts like she is having fun while with you guys, there is no loyalty or connection once she leaves.
Sounds just like my PASd SD.
Sounds just like my PASd SD. She never had friends or was part of any extracurricular activities but always too busy to talk to our spend time with us. When she's around even after a long period of time everything is normal. I don't think BM ever straight up tells her no you can't see/speak to your father it's a lot of emotional manipulation that makes sneaking around not even worth it. They'd probably feel guilty for "betraying" BM too.
We haven't seen her in 2 years now but message her once in a while. I messaged her a few months ago and she was out of state without BM and actually responded for the first time in almost a year. We talked and caught up over the next week or two she even said she like to see us and her grampa when she comes back to the state. On her birthday suddenly she stopped and haven't heard from her since. That's coincidentally the day she was back with BM.
We always thought SD would eventually come around but she just turned 18 and hasn't yet.