SD12 weekends are always long and have an entourage
Why is it that whenever we have SD my in-laws have to come too? A weekend with SD lately has meant that it begins on a Thursday (because Thursdays are my SIL's Friday everyone else is either a child or unemployed) and five people come to stay at our house for two days. 5 extra people isn't nothing!
My husband is basically telling me that I can't work next Friday which I don't appreciate. I don't know what to do now because if I take my daughter to daycare my in-laws are going to be offended but if I let them watch her while I try to work I'm going to be very distracted. Also there is the fact that with 5 extra people in the house I don't have any privacy to work unless I hide in my bedroom. Everybody knows that when stepmom has to hide in her bedroom it's a lousy weekend.
I almost felt like a hypocrite for a second because my mom dad and brother came to visit beginning on a Thursday a couple weeks ago. However I stopped myself because it was planned, they let me work from home, my family helps out without eating and drinking us out of house and home. My in-laws come and expect to be fed and catered to. All except for the little cousin who is living with my in-laws and he is treated like a servant that has to follow behind everybody especially SD 12 cleaning up her messes. This is one of the things that pisses me off the most about the visits. The boy is 14 and a little bit of a delinquent but I honestly do not blame him for the attitude he has considering how is caretakers treat him.
I have a 10 month old and I'm pregnant so I really don't have the bandwidth to take care of these five extra people for 3 days. My husband has understood this so I just passed along the stress to him. His family his problem he has to feed them and deal with their drunk asses I'm going to be waking up taking care of the baby and myself.
DH has started pushing back I'm telling them that we need more of a heads up for visits like this and they have complied I think the next step is that he needs to limit the number of days and the number of people. It stresses him out to but I know this would be very unpopular because of course the in-laws want to be around fawning all over SD. (And my baby because she is so freaking adorable these days!)
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Take your child to daycare and go to work
Don't worry about inlaws being offended. Tell them its not good for the child's routine to be disturbed.
How about your DuH
How about your DuH occasionally does the opposite - why doesn't he take SD to his family for a weekend from time to time?
Well first, he doesn't like
Well first, he doesn't like to go anywhere without me. And second his mom is a hoarder and we haven't stayed at their place for about 3 years. The most he's willing to do is visit his parents for the day or go to his sister's house. It's is a good option that he hasn't actually made use of since we had our baby. It's worth me suggesting this option for the next visit.
The main problem here is he's let his sister and BM become middlemen for his SD time. When SIL is involved she invites everyone to our house and decides the days. He's allowed this to happen because it outsources dealing with BM and SD (neither will communicate with him effectively) so the small win of not needing to talk to BM comes with being at SILs mercy.
My strategy is to be as unhelpful for these weekends as possible, totally disengaged so the stress of dealing with everyone falls on him. It's a long game... But I've had incremental success.
DH's family, DH's problem. He
DH's family, DH's problem. He needs to take off work Friday. Personally, I'd find it a good time to go visit my family, so they can all get quality time together.
If only they lived closer I
If only they lived closer I would.
Your DH is *telling* you that
Your DH is *telling* you that you have to take off work?
Is he taking off work?
No he would never tell me, it
No he would never tell me, it's just implied.
These people take advantage
These people take advantage because they are allowed to do so. DH needs to step up and say, "No!" when his family states they are coming. People who show up on your doorstep uninvited don't have to be allowed in. That may sound rude but it is no ruder than their outrageous behavior.
I agree the last couple times
I agree the last couple times they showed up we didn't have the specific types of alcohol that they like and they had an attitude about it. But they still proceeded to drink almost everything available in the house! I told my husband that we need to make it so that they don't think of others as the party house where they just come to get drunk. We have a baby now who has a routine and a pretty early bedtime, I really don't appreciate it when people invite themselves to our house for a party. My husband and I had a discussion about this after the last visit I need to remind him that we don't need to provide cases of alcohol for everybody. I mean really they come to our house stay up till like 3 a.m. watching movies loudly drinking and then they sleep till noon the next day.when my husband does get up to feed them it's like pulling teeth getting them to get up get dressed and get out of the bathroom to sit down for breakfast before noon. We have only one bathroom in her house so sharing the bathroom between 7 people is freaking nuts and they don't seem to understand it. on Saturday everybody likes to have a shower at our house before going home which I don't understand why don't you just go home and shower in your own shower that's what we do when we visit.
OP, if your DH won’t step up
OP, if your DH won’t step up and tell his family, you do it. Write them a nice email saying you appreciate how much they love the kids, but you are so tired and busy, you can no longer accommodate overnight visits. They can come for an afternoon once a month or work out with DH when they can take SD to their home. Then do not back down, period. This is absurd.
Absolutely THIS IS ABSURD.
Absolutely THIS IS ABSURD.
Tell them NO. Who cares if they "get mad", what is the worst that could happen? They won't come? LOL, good!
Yeah, this is just crazy, I
Yeah, this is just crazy, I get mad when my idiot MIL invites herself SIL and niece over and stays for hours, if it were days I would likely go ape $hit! This is not okay. One time MIL invited herself over and decided to stay the night (which DH encouraged). MIL lives 30 mins away there was NO reason for her to stay the night and DH had to work the next day and left me to cater to her. I was so beyond pissed when he came home. I told him if he EVER did that $hit again I would divorce him.
How about you go to a nice hotel or airbnb. Leave DH completely alone to deal with his trainwreck frat family. Who cares if he doesn't like to be without you. My DH pulls that crap too....huge TURN OFF....you are grown @$$ men! We def should let Gimlet send them big boy panties to face their families/children on their own!
If family is not an option go
If family is not an option go get yourself a nice 5 star hotel room and refuse to go home until they are all gone.
Oh, I would lose it.
Oh, I would lose it.
Seriously, it would get to the point that they would not want to stay at my house.
You have a 10 month old and baby on the way...
how hard is it for him to say
”no you cannot stay over as i want to have some one on one time with my daughter and my wife needs to work and 5 people regularly cramming every week for several days when she is working from her is a distraction!!!
we also have a baby on the way so need some time alone to get things ready”
if they chuck a hissy fit and make this about them then they’re idiots!!
believe me, me with a toddler and pregnant or with a newborn and hubby inviting in-laws from neighboring states over for a family event, I certainly was not prioritizing feeding them for breakfast or cleaning the house against breastfeeding my son, pumping breast milk or catching up on sleep.
they got the cue early next morning to leave asap... if hubby didn’t like it then he could cook and clean... but I certainly wasn’t being guilted into it when my husband didn’t consult me with inviting family over... i’d simply ask him “great so you’re cooking for them??” And if he were dumb enough to say “no you will!!”
this is when i would say “oh no no no... you are mistaken that is your job since you made the executive decision to invite them!!”
never again have we had guests like that for 2 yrs.... i am busy with 2 young kids and uni, i’d retreat into my bedroom if need be