I would be content to only interact with SD15 for her birthday and Christmas. I feel like those are the polite bare minimums for family.

But the last few times I have brought up SD DH has not wanted to talk about her at all. I'm not sure what has happened other than her ignoring him and maybe he's moved to a new phase of accepting it. She didn't reply to him on Thanksgiving, but waited until the Saturday after at 11pm. DH usually tells me all about their interaction, this time he just said "we texted."

My meddlesome SIL is trying to see SD15 mid-Dec. I'm pretty sure if she does get some time with SD15 we will know last minute because BM and SD15 will only plan things with meddlesome SIL.

I know I shouldn't bring her up at all but I told him I don't want to be caught empty handed for gifts if we see her before Christmas. I showed him a purse I planned to get SD15 that has an evil eye on it because she always has evil eye jewelry on (I like to think BM makes her wear it to protect her from me!) So I said to DH "does the evil eye juju still work if your stepmom gives it to you?" And he started talking about the history of it. He will not talk about SD15 anymore. I just hope his mood is his own issues and not because there is a meddlesome SIL in his ear trying to triangulate me and him. It happened before.

He gets pissy around the holiday because he thinks our families get different treatment and they do. My family doesn't start drama, actually brings gifts for everyone, get their own booze, help out and stay in a hotel. His family causes drama, leaves DH out of the gift giving in his own house and expect to be waited on hand and foot while staying in our place. Heck yes they get treated differently.