One doesn't have to go along with the culture of gift giving in either your own or spouse's family unless you choose to. Personally I stopped giving any gifts at all to my SDs about 7 yrs ago, and in my family we only give each other small gifts - like CDs or books off our Amazon wish lists.  If you feel that your husband's family is in it for what they can get, and it certainly sounds like it, my response would be to boycott the gift giving altogether.  My idea of giving gifts is that you want to give pleasure to someone with whom you have a loving, reciprocal relationship.  Not interested in giving gifts in any other context. 

I have a hard time with gift giving in general. I am not a person that even wants gifts. That just isn't my "love language". DH's family is ALL about presents. Thankfully they are very generous in heart and wouldn't ever ask for something they wouldn't also willingly give. 

My family is more of- Let's all go to___ (Top Golf- for example) for a birthday and that is the present, time together. We all go dutch and just have fun. 

We did stop mailing presents to SS. If he wants something he has to be a functioning member of our family to get it. 

For your in-laws, I would stick to things like flowers from now on. Simple, and done. 

I don't give gifts to people like that. Period.

The great thing about a REQUEST  is that you are under no obligation to comply. 

I don't mind close family members(SO, son, parents, sister,  nieces and nephew) asking for expensive gifts  BUT only if I ask them what they want.  Soliciting for gifts would result in a huge box of nothing.

I grew up with a family that has never even had the heart to suggest what gifts they want to receive. I was always taught to be thankful for anything and everything I were to receive from someone. I've never even been able to answer the question "what do you want for Christmas/birthday/anniversary/etc. Because it just isn't in my heart to request anything. And my DH is the same way. 

Reading this really opened my eyes lol

Please tell me he doesn't go along with these requests. If he does, that's the real problem. And the only thing he can control. 

Well isn't that special! I feel your pain, to some extent.

MIL will see something in my home and ask if she can have it. Not even kidding. Could be a pen or notebook, and she'll just straight up ask if she can have it. 

BM has a knack for telling DH about things "the boys want" when the reality is that she wants the thing and expects DH to pay for it. This has been especially prominent behavior with trips OSS has earned through school. She "can't work" because she's too sick or injured at any given time, but totally expects to be chaperone on these out-of-state fun trips - and expects DH to pay. He doesn't, but she always asks.

BM will also just straight up take things she wants that DH gives the boys. DH gave the boys his XBox One because he didn't have anything else he wanted to play, and BM confiscated that sh*t and put it in her room so her and her Flavor of the Month could play games. She now considers herself a "gamer" because of it.

Some people are just ungrateful and/or entitled a-holes.

What culture is this...?? I am sincerely asking.

I find it hard to believe that an entire 'culture' is like this.

There are groups of families that are greedy AND obnoxiously  enough to demand expensive gifts.  I have seen blasts of over the top Birthdays parties by demanding women on line but it was not an entire culture---

They would have disliked our family.

You know what OP...it's high time you said "My culture is not like this"...sorry I will give ya a card with nothing in it. MAYBE bring flowers for dh's mom on her birthday.

Stick up for YOUR culture OP. Its not an entire culture---they are just an obnoxious group of people..

DH's family is terrible about gifts.

They will never tell us what they want, not even for DH's niece and nephew, so we just have to guess. 

BM sends a "wish list" to DH's family for SSs that usually includes expensive items (several hundred dollars) and then maybe socks and underwear,  so essentially nothing really, but DH's family would never ask him what SSs wanted. 

We also never know if we will get a gift or not. Last year at Christmas, I asked DH if we should get a gift for BIL and wife. He said no. We hadn't gotten one the year before, so I didn't think much of it. Also, I had a terrible year, including a big loss in my family, so I told DH I wasn't feeling the Christmas spirit and he could be in charge of gifts for his family. Also, BIL treats DH like crap and wife doesn't talk to either of us, so it felt disingenuous to me to get them a gift. Of course, BIL and wife give us something, so then DH was mad that we didn't get anything. I'm hopeful that because we didn't get them anything, they won't get us anything next year. 

MIL never tells us what she wants. A few times I've gotten her something that I thought she would like only to discover that she's given them away. One year, I got her tickets to a concert she really wanted to go to. I got them early and send her a notice early. Months later, she planned a trip away on the day of the concert, so I sold the tickets. She always manages to tell BIL and wife what to get for her. 

MIL always gives me something weird...I usually say I don't want or need anything and then will give her something small to get me, but she always has to get something else. She regularly gets me jewelry...cheap jewelry. I rarely wear jewelry, so not sure why she insists on buying it. It's usually cannot be returned. One year, one piece of the earing and necklace set was broken. For my birthday, she gave me an RBG t-shirt that was three sizes too big. I don't dislike RBG, but I never expressed an interest. She told me she was so excited because she got me something special. I didn't even text her to let her know it arrived, because I didn't know what to say about it. 

Also, each year at Christmas, someone "forgets" their gift to me. I wouldn't mind, but they always seem to mention it and that my gift is coming later and it never arrives. Also, they don't forgot gifts for everyone else. It's a great way to remind me that I am a total outsider in DH's family and always will be. 

I'm not actually big on gifts. I don't think Christmas should be about gifts. I think it should be about spending time with the people you love and not about materialism. SSs are so demanding, what we give them is never enough and as COD they have two full Christmases, not to mention MIL always gives them a ton of stuff because she feels that we are short-changing them. DH's niece and nephew are never appreciative for their gifts. We've never gotten a thank you and once DH's niece cried because DH decided to give her clothes and was so excited to pick them out. I used to pick out gifts for them, but never received any word that the kids liked them, no thank you, nothing. It's a huge turn-off.

grossly entitled. I'm sure it starts with your H's mother, and she taught it to her kids. Disgusting.

Stop feeding the beast and rewarding bad behavior. My DH's family was like this, spoiled by my guilt ridden Disney daddee FIL. He then spoiled all the grandkids - especially OSD, who he openly proclaimed his favorite. They were never taught the joy of giving, only to be greedy and self absorbed. I got sick of the list of demands emailed prior to each holiday (cross referenced and quite detailed, to ensure maximum swag without duplicates). BTW, FIL died almost flat broke. This culture flies in the face of all solid financial practices.

Adults are supposed to take care of their own needs, not go around begging and demanding. With my DH's family, I started a practice of making a charitable donation in the relative's name in lieu of presents. His siblings loved the idea - DH is the eldest and had kids young, so they'd been stuck buying for his kids for many years and then expected to do so for their offspring as well. I suggest you do the same. For your MIL's birthday, a modest bouquet and a charitable donation would be perfect. How can she complain without looking like a selfish a$$? Then carry on with the other ILs - nothing material, just a donation to a charity you know they care deeply about.

As for your H, well, you're going to have to address his entitlement and reprogram him. How to do that could be another whole blog post.

It is trashy---I totally agree.

No joke I would remind them YOU also have a "culture". You wont be attending.

This whole situation makes me uncomfortable. Seriously.

Ya I have a lot of angst around gift giving too.  I love giving presents. I love taking the time to select something I think the other person will really enjoy.It's so much fun when I think I got it just right.

In my family, you're not supposed to know where your gift came from, or what it cost. You're certainly not supposed to know what you were getting before you open it. Gift cards are considered reflective of a lack of effort. But in my husbands family, they are all selecting their own gifts in the weeks before Christmas. For instance, my husband wanted to replace an expensive kitchen appliance and his mother offered to pay for the replacement. So he selected a replacement, ordered it, told her what it cost, and she gave him the cash. And he bought her some accessories for her car. Neither of them has anything to open from the other on Christmas. They just bought each other stuff in December. It just seems weird to me, and cold.. They have a great relationship, so I don't read anything into it, but it just seems to ruin the fun, the spirit of it all.

And SS18 got bent out of shape last year because we gave him actual presents instead of cash like he demanded - I mean...asked. He'll be mad for the same reason again this year, because only an idiot gives cash to a druggie.

I think I pulled off one good surprise for DH this year, and a couple for the Skids. And I only suspect one of my own gifts. I guess I will have to enjoy those.